Friday, November 18, 2005

I have been huddling in the green chair. Something must be moving through. The pain is near overwhelming. Ironic that the topic of Larry King Live tonight was on MS. "Be positive during those bad days" was the recurring message.

I near drove my boss crazy this afternoon, hanging out in a chair in her office for way too long...asking her questions and fretting over the blackberry I was handed today. Fretting because I claimed to be fearful of learning something totally new. But that was not why I was fretting.

I am still coughing up green stuff in the mornings. So, for the past two days, I have taken rather strong cough medicine at work, despite the side effects. To counter being drowsy, I have taken keep awake OTC stuff. So, it is understandable that I am a bit crazy. I do think it is strange that the only comments I have received at work have been queries as to whether I am contagious...not as to how I am feeling. I was in a meeting this afternoon and they all commented that my coughing was not so loud. I nearly laughed at the risk I think I am taking by using my drug combination. But what choice do I really have?

Anyway...while driving home, I was struck by the realization that I have not been thankful for having an automatic car. My commute is far easier now that I do not have to hold the clutch in while in traffic, now that I do not have to work the whole time I am driving shifting gears.

This evening, when the pain was near overwhelming while driving, I literally pulled over in tears, not from pain, but that God would provide, in His timing, not mine, a vehicle that is more comfortable to drive.

But back to the blackberry. It is the weight. My hands hurt holding it. It is not something that I could carry around very easily. I still cannot figure out the holster, though I don't really have a belt to clip the holster on to in any case. The whole thing is awkward.

It is also that such a device requires such manual dexterity. I have relied on voice dial for so long now. Dialing a phone is just plain hard. If I am not confused by the digits, then my fingers just don't seem to cooperate much of the time. I am, I must admit, ever so thankful that I can still type fairly easily. But pushing buttons...rather than tapping inexplicably more arduous for me. The blackberry serves as a straw for me.

Oh, how I need to be more positive about this new tool, eh? A great tool. A communications tool, even.

I think I did too much in Italy. Walking and climbing and walking more. Other than the rather ridiculous time I spent trying to upload yesterday's photos, I have been napping when I come home from work, falling asleep in front of the tv, going to bed far earlier than is my custom (and is comfortable for Kashi and his bladder), and hardly moving on the weekends. I have yet to make it to the grocery store. I think, perhaps, my illness has lingered because of my fatigue.

Is tonight--one of those days that just shifting my position in the green chair is near overwhelming--because I did too much in Italy? Is it the front that is moving through? Is it simply a "bad day"?

I will end this post, and this day, with a reminder of one of the most satisfying moments of our trip...the delightful discovery of this equisite collection of flora on one of the walls of an ancient Roman amphitheatre outside Florence.

Never has there been a greater craftsman that the Author of Creation. I marvel at His handiwork and cherish the moment I had standing before that wall. Even now, seeing this photo give me pause to reflect and rejoice in God, in the gifts He gives us in this life...the most precious of them being eternal life through His Son, Jesus Christ.

Oh, that I were a botonist who could identify all of this glorious collection...ferns, moss, lichen, on the photo, study the larger view, and savor the beauty with me.

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