Giving thanks...

I don't know where I would be without Immitrex (sumatriptan) and Toradol (ketoralac).  There simply are no sufficient words for the pain of a migraine.  I often think back to back when I was caught in the maelstrom of chronic migraines.  Such misery.  I certainly could not cope with that now on top of everything else.

Climbing my way out of that black hole was one thing that I have done for myself that was truly good.  I read about the whys and wherefores of the chronic migraine cycle and began to work on what I could do myself, aside from finding the right medication for me.  What I can do is stop the stimuli whilst battling the migraine (turn off lights and sounds) and work on relaxing after the pain has ceased (my Sunbeam neck and shoulders heating pad being my big gun in that regard).

My original GP when I moved here helped me to figure out that I needed something immediate to help with the intense pain and gave me Toradol.  And she helped me to determine that I need a second dose of Immitrex with my migraines.  I take them two hours apart, so getting to that second hour is the hardest part, hard to hang on, hard to not fall into deep despair.  Somewhere into the third hour, the pain begins to ease and hope seems a possibility.  Hope that the pain might eventually come to an end.

Then, I could have migraines as much as half the month.  Now, I am closer to 2-3 a month.  That is a manageable number, though having none would be preferable.   What would be best would be: none. In any case, what makes them manageable is that I escaped the cycle of bounce-back and chronic migraines.

Thank you, Jesus!

When I was trying to figure out what meds I needed, the neurologist I saw was more interested in trying new ones rather than ensuring that what I was taking was helping me as best it can.  One of the new medications landed me in the hospital!  Now, I know there was a conflict with one of my other medications.  But I also know that it is oft important to look at what you are taking and how you are taking it and evaluate if an adjustment is needed before abandoning it altogether.

Think of the pilocarpine, my new saliva medication.  It is taking me a long, long while trying to adjust to the medication.  Truly, as I have told anyone and everyone, it is "kicking my butt."  However, with patience, I can now take two full pills, twice a day.  That is half the normal dose.  And yet half means that I have more saliva in my mouth than I've had for years.

It is so very weird!

I have struggled and struggled and struggled to take the medication, increasing my dose by a quarter pill at a time.  So often, I think why are you doing this to yourself?  But this is why.  Weirdness!  Saliva!

I am taking a break, though, for the interim.  I mean, I am pausing at the half dose before I start the long, long task of doubling what I am taking now.   Still, that's quite an accomplishment, if you ask me.

I do wonder ... how long until having saliva in my mouth is not longer weird?

Meanwhile, I am giving thanks for two other medications.  I am giving thanks because I have been battling a terrible migraine, brought on by the utter and absolute wretchedness that follows missing doses of gabapentin and baclofen.

Last night, I missed my midnight meds, which has doses of both.  It was the third dose of baclofen that I have missed this week already!  SIGH.  Anyway, there I was, growing more and more ill and then, in the wee hours of the morning, I realized that I had missed last night's meds.  That's why I'm so ill!  I'm in withdrawal! 

Sadly, it takes at least two doses before I start to feel better.  Being in withdrawal and battling a migraine is an awful combination of wretchedness.  And it is a terrible place to be, waiting on medications to start working for different reasons and being ill for different reasons, all the while struggling to get through moment by moment, being crushed by chronic illness despair.

So, I spent much of the day working on giving thanks for medications that I have, for the GP who was persistent in helping me, for the Internet for teaching me about bounce-back and chronic migraine cycles, and for friends who remain even when so very much of my life is focused on being ill.