What does it mean to say, I believe? Even to say, I believe in Jesus Christ?

Chasing what it means was, mostly likely, part of the impetus for the Augsburg Confession. Yes, it was in large part a response to the erroneous teaching that had crept into the pulpits, often based on man's work rather than His work, rather than pure teaching of the Word of God. But couldn't you also say, in part, it came about because of the answer to that question: What do I believe? What do you believe? What do we believe?

As you have seen here, I have, for the past few months, been drowning myself in scripture and doctrine and prayer. The turmoil that has been raging inside since I was hit Saturday before last has not really been assuaged by all the time I have spent studying and reflecting since, but I have persisted still. After all, God promises that His Word does not return void.

As a result, I have hesitated to write, remaining silent on some days, because, in part, I am not sure what to say, and in part, because I feel as if I should remain silent about my studies, as if I have no right to speak anymore....

I start the day with the Treasury of Daily Prayer (I am up to using five of the colored ribbons), including the Morning Prayer Service, Scripture reading (OT, NT, and Psalms), writing from the Church fathers, the prayer of the day, a separate reading from the Psalter, another prayer of the day (Wednesday is the best one; it is a bit like The Litany), a reading from the Small Catechism, and recitations of the Creed and the Lord's Prayer. At work, I sneak in a bit of praying the Psalms and a reading from the Book of Concord. In the evening, I study the Book of Concord (take notes), pray the Psalms, and work at learning to praise God more (involving much singing and hack playing of the guitar and a nebulizer treatment to recover from singing).

For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing that I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

I find then the principal that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the laws of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prison of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind and serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

~Romans 7:15-25

Each time I read this--a favorite passage of mine--I am struck anew that it was Paul writing this. Paul! But, oh, how it troubles me as much as it provides solace.

What do I believe?

I have taken refuge in the words of the Creed each morning. For I can say: This is what I believe. This is Truth for me.

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
Maker of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ,
His only Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
On the third day He rose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven
and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty,
from there He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the Holy Christian Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting.

I believe this. I believe as resolutely as does Pastor D when he speaks about the things that confuse me, the things that seem more temporal than eternal. Do I take refuge in the Creed because it is of the eternal?

Oh, how my heart does not follow my head! Mighty is the battle I wage against what the world reflects back to me...

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin. He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

~Romans 8: 1-4

"No condemnation!" I like those words. But... SIGH... Why is it so much easier for me to accept lies over Truth? To walk in condemnation rather than freedom?

I believe. That is what should matter.

Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. In this case, moreover, it is require of stewards that one be found trustworthy. But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord. Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God.

~ I Corinthians 4:1-5

As much as this passage troubles my waters, I am always distracted by the beginning. Stewards of the mysteries of God. I love, love, love that Paul tells us there are mysteries of God. What freedom there is in not having to know everything, not having to understand everything! We cannot know it all. We cannot understand it all. The eternal does not fit in the temporal. The Creator does not fit in the created. Therefore, we need only to understand that which the Spirit reveals and accept the Truth behind that which the Word tells us, even though it makes no temporal sense, no earthly sense. No scientific sense!

A while ago, at the nooner bible study, we were talking about God as Creator. Pastor had said something along the lines that we can see the hand of God in the world, that there is a Creator behind it all, but not who He is save through the Word. I countered that, to me, that we can know God through this world. I see the nature of God in His creation. He could have given us Mars upon which to live...the only colors we'd know would be red and orange! Instead, He gives us blooms and mountain vistas, wonders such as the Grand Canyon and Niagara falls, and even remarkably vibrantly colored salt water fish in places where most people will never see. Such beauty He gives us to savor, a balm to me in a world filled with the ugliness wrought by sin.

A visitor protested that surely God did not create the Grand Canyon. It was erosion. She would concede God as Creator, but views the world like a wind up toy set in motion. She could not fathom that God would have His hand in every blade of grass, in every drop of water, in every life upon this planet. Does He not tell the mountain goat when to birth? Has he not numbered the hairs of our head? Does He not care for the fall of the sparrow?

The Grand Canyon is a mystery of God for me. He is Creator. His Word proclaims He created the world in six days, mere thousands of years ago. Science claims otherwise. I believe God's Word. The whys and wherefores of how science, a study created by the created, fits with the Creator interests me, but does not disturb me. Consider the bumble bee. According to science, it shouldn't be able to fly. What an imaginative Creator we have! What wonder is all about us! Science has its place and is certainly a gift from God. But it is not God and should not be used to define or describe Him or His works.

Alas, I digress. Such are the mysteries of God to me!

Paul does not do what he wants to do, but he also does not judge himself. Hmm... Oh, how I understand the former, but the latter? How very, very difficult it is to walk in Objective Grace when you are bombarded with the judgment of works and the subsequent failure of such futility.

Despite my footsteps, I do believe. These days, I cling to the litany of the Creed. I believe.

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
Maker of heaven and earth...

This shows and sets forth most briefly what is God the Father's essence, will, activity, and work. (LC, Part II, 10)

We emphasize the words "Creator of heaven and earth." But what is the force of this, or what do you mean by these words, "I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth?" Answer: "This is what I mean and believe, that I am God's creature (2 Corinthians 5:17). I mean that He has given and constantly preserves (Psalm 36:6) for me my body, soul, and life, my members great and small, all my senses, reason, and understanding, and so on. He gives me food and drink, clothing and support, wife and children, domestic servants, house and home, and more. Besides, He causes all created things to serve for the uses and necessities of life. These include the sun, moon, and stars in the heavens, day and night, air, fire, water, earth, and whatever it bears and produces. They include birds and fish, beasts, grain, and all kinds of produce (Psalm 104). They also include whatever else there is for bodily and temporal goods, like good government, peace and security." So we learn from this article that none of us owns for himself, nor can preserve, his life nor anything that is here listed or can be listed. This is true no matter how small and unimportant a thing it might be. For all is included in the word Creator. (LC, Part II, 13-16)

Now, all that we have, and whatever else is in heaven and upon this earth, is daily given, preserved, and kept for us by God. Therefore, it is clearly suggested and concluded that it is our duty to love, praise, and thank Him for these things without ceasing (I Thessalonians 5:17-18). (LC, Part II, 19)

The world is drowned in blindness and abuses all the good things and God's gifts only for its own pride, green, lust, and luxury. It never once thinks about God, so as to thank Him or acknowledge Him as Lord and Creator. (LC, Part II, 21)

For here we see how the Father has given Himself to us, together with all creatures, and has most richly provided for us in this life. We see that He has overwhelmed us with unspeakable, eternal treasures by His Son and the Holy Spirit, as we shall hear (Colossians 2:2). (LC, Part II, 24)

How incredible is it that by knowing God as Creator, we can know Him as a Father, a Father who gives and keeps and preserves His children! No earthly role model is needed here. As Luther wrote, anything that is here listed or can be listed...anything...this He creates and gives and preserves, in the kind intention of His good will, for His pleasure, according to His purposes.

This I believe.