Who I am is gone...

I read an article on 10 warning signs of Alzheimer's for family members to watch for in their loved ones. The cognitive dysfunction I have matches 9 of them. As much as I have blogged about the changes in my brain, I was still stunned. So, I did it. I ripped off the proverbial band-aid. Gone are the last of the educational research articles and such and all of my lesson plans from elementary, junior high, and college. I will never teach again, nor will I be able to study the way I thought might could keep me occupied in my dotage. 

I kept a single box of teaching aids that would be useful still (flashcards, literacy aids, and such) in case I can find a home for them better than the trash/recycling can. I kept a handful of student work that made me smile, such as a letter to Wendy from Peter Pan than included her shadow. And I kept some fairly cool vintage photos from NASA that some space geek would be thrilled to have. 

Two shelves were emptied, and the trash bins and recycle bins are rather full. I still have examples of my communications, knowledge management, and strategic planning work in case someone or some non-profit would like my help while I can still give it. I kept samples of all my published work. I kept the data from my dissertation work and from the multi-year mother/daughter book club in case the Lord sent someone to help me write about work that is still fairly ground-breaking.

But who I was is gone. What I could do is gone. And there is no use hanging on to things that either I no longer remember or could ever understand again.

I am Yours, Lord.  Save me!