I have to go back to the imaging center on Tuesday. It is discomforting that the nurse asked if I could come in tomorrow, but I already have two appointments scheduled. I cannot fathom going back.
I just can't.
The door to the garage is/was in horrible condition paint wise. Most of the door had huge cracks in the very thick layer of paint on it. Bits were missing here and there. I had been dreading scraping it, because unlike the back of the garage, I could not just paint over this again.
I find it interesting that the detail of the molding around the three panels in the door had become completely obscure by paint. I also find it interesting that those pieces were not coped well, so there is a gap at each inside corner. Of course the old soul in me loves the hand craftsmanship, so I care not that there are gaps. I have wondered if it would be possible to scrape all of the paint off and just seal the door, so I had a natural wood door. But that might look odd on a white garage.
The three pieces of 1 x 4 on the inside of the frame (the one on the right was moved at some point so there is a gap up top) are in horrid shape. I am wondering if I should just go ahead and purchase more wood. I could have Lowe's cut the pieces to length for me, so all I would need to do is screw them back on. I am not sure if the outer pieces are 1x3 or not. They seem sort of small. The bottom of the left piece is the worse part of all the framing, so those two pieces could be replaced. But, if the size is such that the wood would need to be ripped on a planer to match back up with the header, I will have to leave them in place.
The window's glass beading is missing, so it is held in place only by rotting caulk. I texted Firewood Man and asked him if he would miter cut four pieces for me after the next mowing if I bought a piece of glass bead wood. He said he would.
The bare piece of wood on the bottom threshold is brand new. The piece there was missing, so when the contractor was here, I asked that he put in that piece. I have held off painting it until I could paint the door, too. The raw wood was to be the impetus to scrape, but I have reached that point where laboring about the house needs to end because of its toll on my body. However, today's truly upsetting news led me to pick up the paint scraper and see what I could do.
I wish I could scrape away the parts of me that have been compromised, apply a liberal coat of bonding primer, and then paint them beautiful again.
SIGH.
I did call my pastor and asked him to read to me. Knowing me as he does, he chose Psalm 77 for the first of the psalms he read, which made me smile through my tears. As he read, I thought about how appropriate it was not because it is a favorite of mine, but because of the words and the Word given to me to pray by my Creator, who knows His creation so intimately, so completely. It is a psalm filled with insensibility and sense, with emotion and logic, with forgetting and remembering. Truly a Myrtle psalm.
The labels for Psalm 77 on my Praying the Psalter blog are: Anger, Be Gracious, Compassion, Creation, Cry Out, Deeds of the Lord, Forgotten,Lovingkindness, Promise, Reject, Remember, Thy Way, Trouble. I know because I went there and then followed each of them, reading through the Psalter by subject.
To be sure, my neighbors must think it odd for me to be outside with my laptop, reading from the screen and muttering at the door as I applied the scraper with great vehemence.
How?
How can I go back there?
And how can I not think about this until Tuesday?
Lord, I am Yours. Save me!
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