Still feeling wretched...

This is the third day of struggling with pain in my head, the second of having a migraine.  My innards have been writing because I forgot to take three of the four doses of that medication on Friday and did not remember on Saturday until half way through the day.  I ache and am dizzy and my blood pressure, heart rate, and blood sugar are all over the place.  My legs are really weak and hurt.  My vision is really blurry, and oft doubled.  I keep having that strange pain in my chest, which I am 99.99% is just another nerve pain to which I have to adapt.  And my hands are still hurting from labors of cleaning.  Mostly, I want to crawl in a cocoon, where there is no light or sound or movement.  One without the night terrors that are back, too.

Last night, wanting something good, I tried making the Apple Praline Bread.  The last time I made it, I ended up with an inedible brick.  The time before that, it was a tad undercooked.  I could accept the latter, but the former was really discouraging.  This is supposed to be that woman recipe, which could get this introverted, wallflower hermit invited to dinners or potlucks.  Marie encouraged me via text the whole way through and I found myself back to culinary victory.  While I was slicing it up for the freezer, I went ahead and ate both end pieces because they are the worst part to me.  What kind of person actually likes end pieces of bread??

However, mostly, I haven't eaten much since all that tastiness with Marie and her sister.  I have just been feeling too wretched to move, to think, to eat.  So, this afternoon, buoyed by seeing the Cowboys win via online play updates, I made a batch of Red Lintel Dahl and a batch of white chili with chicken, using the one of the mixes my sister sent me. I figured that between those two, I could have some protein heavy meals during this time of not really wanting to exist.

I will admit that I was a tad sad making the dahl because my neighbor said I ruined her first day of work at her new job by giving her such a horrible tasting meal.  Now, in checking the recipe, I noticed that I had re-typed two errors: 1) the recipe calls for a tablespoon of oil and 2) a tablespoon of ginger.  I have cooked it with a tablespoon of oil each time, so this time I added a bit more ginger.  However, I just don't see how anyone could say the dahl was horrible, especially someone who said that she really likes lentils.  I think that is the last time I will be cooking for anyone.  I would still be willing to cook with others—very much so—but not being the sole chef.  Of course, I ate 2/3rd of that batch of dahl and found it tastier than the first one since I was able to include the coriander.  Maybe I have a horrible palate???

The other thing I did was bring in the giant spotted begonia and the succulents that I winter in the solarium. I meant to ask Marie if she would do that for me, since it meant four trips up and down the stairs, but I forgot.  When I was carrying the jade plant, I thought I should look for an older photo of it.  The thing languished for years on my back deck in Alexandria and then another year inside here, until my mother suggested I put it on the front porch last summer.  In less than two years, whilst still basically two branches, the stalks (stems??) have at least quadruples in diameter and doubled in length.  The transfer took much huffing and puffing and many breaks, but two of the begonia leaves had grown transparent, which is the tell-tale sign it is too cold for them.

Anyway, I froze half the chili and half the dahl, put the other half of each in the refrigerator, ate the chicken breast that I baked whilst the other dishes were cooking, and crawled back into the GREEN chair.  Yes, even knowing there are thick slabs of Apple Praline Bread in the freezer, I forwent dessert. Me.  Myrtle.  No sweets.

No fires either.

I feel wretched.  Really, really wretched.  I am thankful, though, that this valley came at a time when the house is clean and the laundry is done and the dishes all clean.  So, basically, it is just fine that I am a huddled mess of human misery.  Nothing needs doing.


I am Yours, Lord.  Save me!