the way of things...

It seems wrong that I should be grieving the loss of something I did not want in the first place, but I am.  I wish I could understand such a thing.  I wish I didn't feel as if I am being swallowed up by a black hole.

Bettina, that dear woman, has found another way to say, "I love you, Myrtle!"  She knows that the mere sound of the ring tone I chose for her brings joy to my heart.  [Fifteen years later and I still grow giddy at the mere thought of getting to talk with her and practically bounce off the walls from excitement when she visits.]  So, she has taken to buzzing me here and there.  She cannot talk but for a moment.  The point isn't to talk.  The point is that she is telling me (reminding me) that she loves me and is thinking of me just by first letting me hear her ring and then her voice telling me where she is or what's next in her day.

"Manna,"  I believe, also practically shouted, "I love you, Myrtle!"  She sent me an image of Christ holding a lamb.  But it was not a blond, handsome Jesus dressed in a pristine robe holding a white lamb.  This Christ is a bit swarthy and is holding a black lamb.

That's me, alright.  A black sheep.  And yet Jesus holds me still.  Such a thought.  Such a wondrous thought!

And so I thought I would remind myself of some more of the sweet, sweet Gospel given to me via Papa Dore's emails:

On Christ the Shepherd:  

You are Jesus' little lamb, and He is such a great Good Shepherd, that He will not leave you lost and helpless, alone or in danger.  He will seek you out and find you.  He will lay you upon His strong shoulders and bring you home with great rejoicing.  He will lead you into His pleasant pastures of the Gospel.  He will bring you daily back to the cool clear waters of your Holy Baptism, to the forgiveness of all your sins, to the quenching of your deepest thirst.  And He will feed you at His Table with the choicest of meats, and pour out for you the finest of wines, His own holy and precious blood, from the overflowing Chalice of His free and full salvation.  Truly, He will.

On Christ crucified:

I wanted to point out that, if Jesus has risen from the dead and ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of the Father, then you also are risen and ascended and seated with Him in the heavenly places.  For consider that He, who knew no sin, became sin for us; that He became the curse of sin and death, that He made Himself sinful and unclean with our sins and uncleaness; that He bore our guilt and shame and nakedness, and all our sins against Him and our neighbor, and all our neighbors sins against us, and He made all of that His own, as though He alone were the Sinner.  He willingly suffered and died for all of that.  He shed His holy precious blood to atone for all of that, to cover all of that.  He received upon Himself the righteous wrath and judgment and punishment of God against all of that.  He was crucified, dead and buried.

See, here are Christ's hands; put your finger in the holes made by the nails.  Put your hand here in His wounded side.  Hide yourself there, in safety and peace, and find your Sabbath Rest in Him, both now and forever.

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!