I see a headline that catches my eye and I click on it to read the story. Only I know better. But I do it anyway. Why? I cannot even say.
Well, I can, but does that really matter?
Do you know how, just before you slam your fingers in the car door, a part of your mind notices and screams at you to stop, but you don't...you can't? It was like that. I was slamming the car door on my fingers and I couldn't stop. I didn't stop.
Because I did not, I spent the night battling my body's reaction to the things my mind cannot bear. My heart raced and I struggled to breath. My stomach heaved, and I was sweating. Fear overwhelmed me until there was only the fear and the anxiety and nothing else.
The whole night. Off and on this day. Again tonight...in between...in between the moments when I could focus on accomplishing one thing, a specific thing, the moments when my mind was not still, could not turn back to the article I never should have read.
I am Yours, Lord. Save me!
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6 comments:
I really like the way you end your posts: "I am Yours, Lord. Save me!" In the midst of distress, in the midst of fear, in the midst of agony of heart and spirit, the promise of your Baptism is that you are the Lord's dear child in Christ Jesus. And He IS saving you. . .
It's from my beloved Psalter! Can you tell me the verse?? ;)
I knew it was in Psalm 119, but I had to search to get the exact verse. Psalm 119:94. It was also featured prominently in the movie "Luther". Psalm 119 is one of my favorites. I read it through multiple times when I was hospitalized a couple of years ago.
Ah, I should have known I wouldn't catch you out! I like closing with either of those prayers, either asking for help believing the truth I've written or for saving, because I *always* need saving. Quite a bit lately. Minute by minute sometimes....
Of course. We all do. That's the way it is with us sinners. And that's also the way it is with the Lord of all grace and mercy who specializes in saving sinners. He's quite good at it, actually.
Amen, amen, and amen!
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