I thought I could, but how could I...

I had a conversation yesterday morning with someone who invited me, some time later, to a networking meeting with key folk in the non-profit world here.  He knows people in several organizations it would be a privilege to serve.  And he insisted this non-profit would would be filled with organizations willing to accommodate my needs to have my skills.  My old boss has been rather insistant that I would be, still, very much value added.  I admit, in the course of that conversation, hope bloomed.

Today, I started tackling things on my hiatus list.  Too soon, I know. But I did.  The first task was small, something I have wanted to do for several months.

In my basement are four windows without curtains. I bought hooks to screw into the frames and rods for the curtains. I already have four pieces of lace curtains, but they are cut from longer ones, so a pocket needs to be sewn in the top.  I do not sew.  But I can pin.  I thought, since few visit me, that it would be better to have pinned curtains than no curtains.

So, I took the rods, curtains, pins, and hooks to the basement. I screwed eight hooks into wooden frames. I pinnned four curtains.  And I hung them.  Forty-five minutes of labor. Forty-five minutes of standing up and or bending over (while I pinned).  Easy, eh?

No.  It was not.  I was trembling like a leaf being whipped about by storm winds when I was through.  I collapsed on the couch.  And I fell asleep.  Tell me, how in the world could pinning and hanging curtains be so draining?

Sometimes I wonder how I got here.  Sometimes I wonder where I am going.  Sometimes I wish people would hear me...screaming...that this is where I am.  Where a simple task is too much.  Sometimes.  More times that I wish to face.


I am Yours, Lord.  Save me!