Talk to yourself, Myrtle...

I practically had an asthma attack laughing at the advice I was given today: "Talk to yourself, Myrtle."  How little did she know I've been doing that for quite a while now!  But...to be fair...not in the manner she meant.  I talk to myself to help remember something for a short time. I talk to myself to help figure out a task.  I talk to myself to rehearse what I want to say next. None of these were the reason I am to talk to myself now.

Sometimes, I have pain in my abdomen so bad that I believe anyone else would be racing to the emergency room.  Only, I know it is not my appendix or my liver or my spleen or my stomach.  I know it is not these things because I know it is my emotions.  Yes, I am writing in agony because I am feeling something.  Does that ever make me feel like a wimp!  Yes, feeling can fell me.

When I am curled in a ball, trying to get through the agony of such horrific abdominal cramps, I am to talk to myself.  Tell myself the truth. Speak the truth to me.

Truth is powerful.  Truth is healing.  "You are not ill, Myrtle, you are feeling...."  Be specific.  Be honest.  Speak the truth of you. Those are my instructions.

Several times of late, the idea of faith coming from hearing has arisen.  In many ways, I find that a wonder. I do not have to do anything in order to gain and increase faith!  In other ways, a comfort.  That means that faith comes from outside myself, outside of this person so overwrought that feelings can make her incapaciate her physically.  And, in other ways, I find that to be a relief because I have been asking, longing for the sweet, sweet Gospel to be spoken to me.  Spoken again and again and again, to hear the truth of me.  The specious truth our foe offers based on all that has taken place, but the truth given to me, Myrtle, through the Holy Spirit by the Son of God as He suffered and died for me.  And it is actually okay that I want to hear the sweet, sweet Gospel again and again and again.

Who am I? This question fells me for any answer I speak is one no one would wish to hear.  Who am I?  The answer Christ speaks is the answer I ache to hear.  Who am I?  I say I am a struggling, sinful, broken, marred, weak, anxious, ill, sorrowing, confused, unemployed mess of a human being.  Who am I?  Christ says I am a beloved child of God, washed clean and without blemish or spot, holy and sanctified.


Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!