Saturday, June 07, 2014

That damn nerve...


Firewood Man helps out a friend at his alpaca farm.  He sent me this photo to cheer me up.




Junior is just five-days-old here, still working out what all his parts do and weighing in at a measly 21 pounds.  




Here is the 2-way hose adapter all installed.  That "first" valve is connected to the short piece of hose that is connected to the new soaker hose, the end of which is juuuuuuussssst peeking out from beneath the furthermost fern frond.  

I can also note that I am already in love with the new hose, which you, too, can buy on Amazon!  Using it to water the grass seed Firewood Man sowed Thursday into the still-bare trench from the gutter pipe extension project was a breeze.  The hose is smaller, in diameter so it weighs less.  But it is also so very, very, very pliable and did not kink once.




The ferns survived my installation of the soaker hose, wending it around the bases of all of them.  Whew!




Here is the section that was disturbed the most during the project.  I have relocated four baby ferns to it, three of which survived without stress.  All of the ferns are relocations from elsewhere in my yard, during the first two summers.  So, this is a free fern bed.  However, this GAPING hole is a GREAT TEMPTATION to buy a couple of ferns.  [That butterfly garden decoration was left by the flipper.  I keep moving it around the yard, trying to find the spot where it actually belongs.]




My sister found this tiny glass hummingbird and thought it should come live with me.  I agree.  I don't have one of those window cling hooks, so right now it is pinned to the small bulletin board in my kitchen, keeping company with the hummingbirds on the wall paper and the artisan glass hummingbirds hanging from the ceiling.




My realtor found this hummingbird mug and thought that it should come live with me as well.  I agree.  She decided it should be a pot rather than a mug and filled it with some sedum from her yard.  I placed it on the back steps so that I could find a bit of peace when my patience with Amos' battle with his fear of the grass wears thin.




Despite the fact that my honeysuckle is now in full bloom (though it clearly needs some pruning of dead bits) and the fact that I doubled my hummingbird feeder count (now four in total) and I replaced the dead bushes with weigelas (attractive to hummingbirds), I still have managed only to attract three of them to my yard.  One brave soul came a couple of weeks ago, who has now been joined by two more.  All I had last summer was three.  I think I should have hoards of GREEN hummingbirds in my yard.  Am I not trying to put out the welcome mat best I can??


The rose of sharon bushes (not photographed) are looking ever so luscious after that spate of removing dead blossoms.  However, the thyme beneath them has become full of this ... weed ... that only comes up on that side of the yard in that bed and has to be removed by hand.  




It is a single stem with two leaves.  It drives me nuts.  And it takes forever to remove.




This half of a single thyme clump is all I managed to clear in the 25 minutes it took me to grill some corn (10 minutes soaking, 10 minutes grilling wrapped in husk, 5 minutes grilling with the husk pulled back).  I have an entire bed of that weed to remove.  SIGH.




Grilled Corn on the Cob with Lime and Cheese is bloody awesome!  This is all I had for dinner because Marie and I tried a new recipe for lunch yesterday.



Pasta alla Vodka.  It was so tasty that we inhaled our bowls before we could take a photo.  These are the four servings for the freezer.  Pioneer Woman is rather skilled at crafting recipes that anyone can follow.

Tomorrow, Marie and Paul are coming over to celebrate his graduation with pizza and Double Chocolate Dr Pepper Cake.  Marie said we could also make it a dual celebration as a do-over for my birthday dinner.  We will all be wearing lounge pants and make no effort whatsoever to be anything other than couch potatoes.
 
How did my faux birthday dinner go?  Well, my guests had to leave me lying on the floor.  Does that paint a picture for you?




How about the fact that I was so ill that I left my kitchen like this?




And this??

Although I chose the easiest, most successful (and most economical) menu, I still managed to lessen the quality of just about all of it.  Although I planned carefully and started working well ahead of time, I somehow ran behind.  So, I was rather anxious about finishing the meal when my guests arrived.  And, although I have told my realtor many a times about anxiety, she doesn't understand.  

Anxiety ... at least anxiety based on neurological malfunctioning ... is like diabetes.  You can managed the problem as best you can, but sometimes your blood sugar is simply out of your control.  All you can do is ride out the rise or crash and try not to punish yourself in the process (kick yourself when you are already down).  

If I am having an anxiety attack or meltdown or whatever degree of decompensation, I need to be allowed to manage the problem as best I can.  That means that I need to be allowed to finish what I believe needs finishing or to concentrate on what will focus my being away from what is happening to my body or to engage in a calm down technique, which is often the finishing or the focusing.  Insisting that I look away or stop or do something additional to what I am trying to do just makes things worse.  SIGH.

I overcooked the cake.
I overcooked the dahl.
I overcooked the cauliflower.
I over-thawed the naan dough.

The meal was so very mediocre.  Then, my meal ended with my lying on the floor.  My blood sugar did start to drop, but the problem (I realized a bit later, with more fainting and nausea and vomiting) was my blood pressure.  Only, seriously, how can I really explain that to anyone??

One of the most humiliating and debilitating parts of Dysautonomia is the sensitivity of the vegus nerve and all manner of ways you can have vesovagal syncope.  You can read more, if you like, but a brief summary about the nerve is as follows:

Upon leaving the medulla between the pyramid and the inferior cerebellar peduncle, it extends through the jugular foramen, then passes into the carotid sheath between the internal carotid artery and the internal jugular vein down to the neck, chest and abdomen, where it contributes to the innervation of the viscera. Besides giving some output to various organs, the vagus nerve comprises between 80% and 90% of afferent nerves mostly conveying sensory information about the state of the body's organs to the central nervous system.

Viscera.
Innards.
That damn nerve!

So, when the contents of my large intestines move toward their final destination, sometimes they push against the vegus nerve, causing my blood pressure to plummet, nausea to rise, and syncope to occur.  Yes, about 30 minutes to an hour before I need to do my own major business, I can puke and faint ... as well as while doing my major business.

Lying on the floor next to the dining room table, unable to rise, rather ill, I could not exactly say that my stool movement was causing problems and would be for a while now.  Thankfully, my guests took their leave without too much standing around and watching me battle weakness and nausea.

I have never met another person who suffers from dysautnomia, but I did meet the mother of a teenage girl afflicted with this wretchedness.  Sadly, even young children can get it.  To put it bluntly, when she overheard my diagnosis at the neurologist office, she blurted out that her daughter was suicidal because she could not bear the shame of fainting before and during pooping and asked me what she could do to help.

Nothing.
Nothing but acknowledge how horrid the situation is.
Nothing but let her daughter know that she is not alone.

In that moment, I was so consumed with jealousy that her daughter had someone to share her misery with that I could scarily breathe.

Anyway, since Marie knows what a disaster my birthday was for me, we are having a do-over.  She and Paul have pledged to gladly eat the overcooked cake and our meal is being provided by another cook.  Hence, no disasters should take place.  Well, given the increase in frequency that my vegus nerve is being disturbed, I have rehearsed the possibility that I might just end up on the floor whislt they are here.  However, were that to take place, I know Marie and Paul would camp out on the floor with me (if that was my desire) or pop in a DVD and drink beer on the couch and wait on me (if that was my desire).  So, tomorrow will be a good day either way.  Plus, Amos will get to have some time with his beloved aunt and uncle.

Since Marie brought me some eggs yesterday and they are being so merciful to me, I thought I might try to make and share some deviled eggs with them to have as an appetizer as we wait for our pizza to arrive.  Is it possible to have such willpower????

I see the doctor this next Friday, so Monday—even though there is still some erythromycin solution left—I am picking up 5 days worth of the (non-economical) pill version. I should know by Friday if it is going to work.  It is an extended release capsule that I will be pulling apart, separating the contents in half, and mixing with applesauce.  Yes, I expect a rather steep learning curve on the proper taking of this medication.

I wish there was a pill to fix the vegus nerve.
There is not.
SIGH.

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