Fired...

I was fired as a patient by the replacement GP today.

Yes, I am slated to start with a new one next year, but I need my maintenance medications prescribed (refilled) until then.  SIGH.

My BP was 150/86 and my heart rate was 115.  Really, all things considered, given that I was worried about why she did not refill the benzonatate and the Zofran at the end of last month, those vitals are pretty good for a gal with dysautonomia.  The GP's stance, however, was that I clearly need to be under the care of a psychiatrist and that she could not treat me.  I was amazingly calm and asked her if she knew about dysautonomia or NCS.  She declined to answer.  She repeated there was no reason for me to be on either of those medications.  I explained about my vagus nerve and the daily nausea and especially the problems when stool presses against the nerve.  I also explained about how asthma drugs trigger a dangerously high BP and heart rate in me so I depend on medications that help stop the cough variant asthma from starting, such as singular and benzonatate.  Singular is just fine to her, but not benzonatate.  I pointed out that I have taken it for at least 8 years, but really the attempt at conversation was doomed from the beginning.

Sadly, the Celebrex needs renewing, too.  I received no answer about that medication and did ask my pharmacist to send the refill request over to see what happens.  SIGH.

The nurse who came in afterwards whispered to me that a lot of my old GP's patients have also been fired.  For example, some of them are on Ambien which this GP will not prescribe because it is "evil."  She also said that my last visit where I brought the information and testing from the integrative medicine specialist was problematic because the GP thinks that doctor is a quack.  I am not the biggest fan of alternative medicine, but the integrative medicine specialist got board certified for it and, thus, is actually double board certified.  She did not just hang out a shingle on a whim, but rather went back to medical school!

It does help to know that the GP still has not read my records or the letter my old GP left for her and to know that I am not the only one in this position.  However, it still was a blow to me.  Having uncertainty in three medications that significantly impact my quality of life is stressful.  And, given that I fainted from the stress of a close NASCAR race last week, stress is not my best friend.

My immediate response was to drive directly to the fancy grocery store and buy not one, but two rounds of the asiago sourdough bread.  I also bought a short length of summer sausage and two new cooking ingredients:  vanilla paste and Mexican oregano.

After talking with Becky and stopping at a gas station to tend to my personal needs, I decided I would leverage my upsettedness into my long-time goal of going to a restaurant by myself.  I had chosen one last month, determined to try before October ended.  Alas, I failed at that goal. But I went today.

It was a Thai/Burmese hole-in-the-wall restaurant.  The thing about that type of place is that all the other patrons knew each other and were talking across the single aisle to each other. I felt a bit more lonely even than I anticipated.  However, I did bring my Kindle.

The food was okay, but not stellar.  The samosas were good and were homemade, however they were cold inside which means they were re-heated.  I figure my reheating at home for my leftovers should be a bit lengthy.  Maybe in foil.  Or maybe microwaved to get the center and then in an oven to crisp them back up. I have two leftovers.

And spring rolls
And two others containers of main dishes.
Becky's entire family could feast on my leftovers.

Next time, I think I shall save and save and save and treat myself to fine dining, such as that spectacular steak at Baker's Street.  I did learn, however, that I can survive eating out on my own.  So ... the past two years of asking folk to go out to eat with me, receiving a "yeah, sure" in reply, but never actually going no longer matters.  Just as I do most everything else by myself, I can eat out by myself.  When, you know, money comes falling from the sky.

This is the inside of the leaning evergreen that Firewood Man cut down for me ... after much haranguing.  He did so whilst I was sleeping on Sunday.  He also caulked the seams of all my gutters, having brought over a ginormous ladder.  That means I will no longer have icy spots on my sidewalks from the drips.

The inside of the tree is rotted. I stuck my finger in there but could not reach the bottom of the hole.  The other holes are also deep.  I am very, very, very glad the tree is down, even though I am, on principal, against cutting down trees.  This one was leaning at about a 20 degree angle toward my neighbor's garage.  Yes, I was rather concerned about an insurance claim against me, especially since there have been several tree-downing storms in Fort Wayne since I have moved here.

Amos is not really loving the stump that was left.  Rather than cut it off at the ground, I wanted a stump to see if I might could make it into a planter.  I am undecided, still, about whether or not I desire the stump gone.  Amos is rather firm on the matter and is refusing to enter that portion of the yard.

We are both wimps in our own ways.

I have been in a panic thinking about life with one or more of those three medications, only I came to realize that the world would not come to an end for me.  I will either endure gracefully or ungracefully, but I will not die ... at least from pain and nausea.  If the lack of benzonatate (I plan on cutting my remaining doses in half since they are two pills at once) does land me in the ER, then hopefully they will know how to stop the asthma without causing a heart attack or stroke with asthma meds.  I do plan to ask the cardiologist on Monday to write me a letter explaining how dysautonomia exaggerates responses in my body, such as with B2 agonists (asthma emergency treatment drugs) to give to emergency personnel.  That's all I can do.  Just endure.

Have I matured?
Or given up?
The jury's still out on that one.