Counseling was brutal. Tuesdays are good for me, but they are brutal.
I built a fire.
I drank a Dr Pepper.
I curled up beneath the weighted blanket.
I did not make all my errand goals, but I ventured to Meijer to return the grocery items that were not opened. I wanted to pick up my prescription there, but there were 9 people in line and I would not have been able to do anything else.
I headed over to Lowe's and made the return there (a family member purchase) and then bought two new plungers because my toilets were stopped up multiple times via folk who have not yet learned how to properly use toilet paper. My best plunger broke and the one that was left is not really up to snuff. I also bought more of my beloved ZEP 10 Minute Clog Remover.
Then it was on to Target, to fetch more prescriptions. I saved another family member return for afterwards (Walgreen's) so that I could get milk there, too.
Thursday night, when I was refilling my medication 7-day holder, I discovered that I was almost out of the new blood pressure medication. I fretted all day Friday, worried I wouldn't remember to call on Saturday morning, when the pharmacy was open. When I did call, the new pharmacist was not all that pleasant with me. He was very put-out over my being out of medication and raised his voice when telling me that I needed to be better at managing my medications.
I was devastated.
I know I am struggling with that.
I know I need help.
There is no help.
The reason I didn't know I was almost out is that the auto-refills on my prescriptions were wiped out when Target's pharmacy system was switched over to CVS' this month. That is why they were not filled and, thus, why I did not get either the phone call or the text reminder about them. With a broken mind, I depend on those reminders.
What was more troubling was that four of my medications had no refills, when I thought that they did. I even asked about them. The answer I got was not accurate, I guess. I had asked before I saw the surgeon because I felt more comfortable asking her for refills while I am without a GP. So, I had to have the pharmacist send the requests to the cardiologist. And then I emailed his staff to let them know they were coming.
His nurse filled them, and then I discovered that the lipitor was out of refills, too, even though I asked while I was in Meijer last month if there was a refill. So, I had to talk the Meijer pharmacist, whom I do not know since I just get the free medication there, to send a request to the cardiologist, who wasn't on the prescription, then email his staff again about the fifth refill request.
His nurse sent this email back that was just ... harsh ... about not managing my medications and how that impacts others.
I was devastated.
I know I am struggling with that.
I know I need help.
There is no help.
I created a spreadsheet on my phone in the Numbers app that has the prescription info, refills, and expiration date. For example, I have two refills on my two migraine meds, but I have just one month left that that refill is good, so I will need a new prescription for them. I was not able to get all the prescriptions in there, but most of them are there. That way, I could check the spreadsheet (if I remember) when I am at the doctor's office.
However, since when I can pick them up is every 23 days and I try to get 13 prescriptions a year because the last set is cheapest being in the donut hole, scheduling a reminder in my calendar has not worked ... I cannot figure out how to do it or remember to do it each time I pick them up to count out the days in case, as in this time, the auto-refill does not work. And, truth be told, I pick them up early because I like the comfort of having a few extra pills for times I do not remember to pick them up ... which does happen even with a phone call reminder and a text reminder. SIGH.
The cardiologist did not like the weekly report I sent last week and had his nurse call me yesterday morning to come see him tomorrow. Georgie seems to pace me when on bumpy roads and when bouncing down stairs. That is not normal. Neither is the pain I have. Mostly, I am worried about the placement because it is very, very, very prominent on the left. The whole situation has me feeling hopeless. A lose-lose proposition ... leave the pacemaker where it is and have a lifetime (10 years at least) of pain and problems from it or have a second surgery. If, as I worry, a lead is dislodged, that would also mean surgery. I do not want to have pacing issues, pain, or even to go through the regular interrogations, but neither do I want a second surgery, the cost of which is the least of the whys and wherefores of not wanting it.
I am deeply worried and trying to stuff that away somewhere whilst I wait.
I need, at the moment, a distinct lack of folk telling me what I need to be managing better ... including living with the pacemaker.
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