Saturday, December 26, 2015

Not managing...

Thursday night, when I was putting all the medications in my daily holder, I discovered that my new blood pressure medicine was almost out.  I panicked.  I mean, the next day was Christmas!   I was also really confused because all of my monthly medications are on auto-refill and I have Target sending me two reminders:  text and phone call.  Because they fill a bit early, they should have been filled around the 20th this month and the reminders should have come on the 22nd.  I had no reminders.

When I called the pharmacy today, the pharmacist was short with me and raised his voice, telling me that I need to do a better job of managing my medications because it was ridiculous for me to be calling him the day after Christmas saying I was out of my blood pressure medication.  I was shocked at his tone and attitude and I was crushed because I cannot manage my own medications well.  I cannot.  I need help and there is no help to be had.  After a really tough week and month, I burst into tears as I hung up the phone.

I know I struggle with managing my medications.
It is humbling.
It is humiliating (for an ex-college professor).
And it is terrifying.

Also devastating was hearing that four more of my medications needed refills. Without a GP, I am dependent on specialists to help me fill in the gap.  At their mercy, so to speak.  I am frustrated because I asked before I saw the surgeon, knowing I would feel more comfortable asking her rather than the cardiologist.  But with CVS taking over Target's pharmacy services, things are all a mess there.  I need refills on Celebrex, Flonase, Singular, and Levothyroxine.  That is pain, allergies, asthma, and thyroid ... all maintenance medications that I need.  SIGH.

I have battled tears all day.

Then the basement toilet was stopped up ... again.  Lots of toilets are being stopped up.  LOTS of toilet paper is being used by my nephews.  Lots and lots and lots.  This time, I just couldn't get it unclogged, so I will need to call a plumber out here.  More money that is not budgeted.  More worries.  More failure in maintaining equanimity.

Exhausted and perpetually close to tears, I decided to sooth myself by entering four recent recipes into my recipe remember blog so as to catch-up on my remembering:

All the meals have been rather well received, though my teenage nephews have not quite liked all the vegetables.

It is sort of like strudel on the bottom, soft and apple-y, and is very crispy and chewy on the top.  It is really unlike anything you have ever eaten ... or cooked.  You just dump ingredients, stir, dump more, stir, dump in the pan, bake, serve.  The ingredients are bit off-putting ... an entire cup of cooking oil, for example ... but my family has been scarfing it up all visit long.

Gosh, I made a million of these as a teenager, both for our family and for neighbors in need of pick-me-ups at the behest of my mother.  Funny, though, I did not really care for it the way that my family did, even though this was such a Memory Lane experience for me.

I actually have two new veggie recipes left, but just one more main new meal.  After that, it is all leftovers.  I would like make both, having the ingredients on hand, but I am also red-lined mentally, emotionally, and physically.  I hope to somehow tamp down all of that on the morrow and Monday so as to have a smoother ending of the visit than, perhaps, this day has gone.

As to what I am going to do about my medicine, I hope to package that away until Tuesday, until I am alone and can meltdown without ruining anyone else's day, until my next counseling appointment.

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