Next time...

Today's GP appointment when better than I could have possibly hoped.

For one, I was frank, at the beginning, about being upset over seeing yet another specialist.  I tried to explain but I cannot really, beyond: a) it being one more thing and b) I am weary of having folk examine me and take my vitals.  That's not really it, but I just don't have the words.  She very promptly said that if I am not ready then to put it off for a few months. She said what is wrong with me was wrong before I saw her and will still be wrong then.  It was such a relief to hear those words that I actually think I might keep the appointment.

Maybe.
Who knows.

For another, she is the most efficient doctor I have ever met.  The appointment truly was just 20 minutes, but it was a jam-packed twenty minutes.

Third, when we got to the pacemaker incision, which is really discouraging me, she took the time to consider the pros and cons of removing the scar and starting over to address the hypertrophic scarring verses sticking it out with it healing as it, if I am not opposed to the cosmetics of it.  However, what weighs on me rather heavily is the constant pain.

The incision hurts.  The pocket hurts.  The skin hurts.  And what doesn't hurt itches.  Fiercely.  With such pain on the skin of the incision, scratching is a non-starter.  I think, perhaps, I could handle the itching, but when it is not just sharp pain, it also feels like a bee sting. Over and over and over again.  Sometimes it wakes me.  Just wretched.

The GP said that with nerve pain, sometimes the nerves get all agitated and they won't stop hurting until someone comes in and shouts at them to calm down.  Welcome to the show: gabapentin.  It is a nerve pain medication.

The GP wonders if maybe the pocket is actually healed but that it hurts because so much of that area hurts and is inflamed.  That is why she wants to try the medication.

I told her that I had noticed now that the muscles in my arms and legs hurt if you touch them.  Were someone to grab my arm, I would not be all that kind about it.  My legs hurt after standing too long, something I have dealt with for years.  And she asked about my legs.  Then ... then she blew me away.

"Does your hair hurt?"
Yes!

I was so surprised that she asked me that question. I have never mentioned that to doctors because, to me, it sounds like crazy talk.  That my hair hurts is one of two reasons that I lopped off my long locks.  I miss those lengths greatly and am working on getting them back.  The migraines were the other reason.  But maybe it wasn't the migraines so much as it was additional pain when my head was already hurting.

While it is a total and absolutely long shot, and if asked, she would deny ever mentioning this to me, but there is the slightest possibility that the gabapentin might help with the flushing, too.  That is to say, I might have relief from my clown face!

The main side effects are drowsiness and dizziness, so we are starting with a low dose and I am to take it at night, just before bed.

She asked me, not once but twice if I was sure no one ever tried to address my nerve pain before.  Nope. I would definitely remember that.  Or at least Becky would, for sure.  She made a face at me, the second time I answered that very clearly said, "Well, they should have!"

When I was at the integrative medicine specialist this past week, I reluctantly noted, since we were talking about the swallowing, that for several years now I cannot bear to have anything touching my neck.  Turtlenecks are a complete no-go for me now.  And, sadly, I gave up wearing my cross, someone I had done for nearly forty years.  I started to say it was probably just phantom dysautonomia stuff when the doctor interrupted me to say that many of her patients, especially those with Hashimoto's complain of that all the time.

It was not crazy talk!

I did, despite the whole of the visit, leave with this sense of abject relief.  I thought that was the best doctor moment yet, but the question about my hair today takes the prize.

I have been ever so mightily blessed with good medical care of late.  Four doctors and not one of them calls me or thinks me crazy.  It is almost more than I know how to handle!

I like how, although I was really nervous at the beginning of the appointment, I tried to speak how I felt and was rewarded!  I should get brownie points for that, eh?

Thinking about how much pain in my arms and legs I have now, I made the executive decision to cease riding the recumbent bike daily and aim for every other day.  This way I will have more time to recover.  I think that I might skip around on my list for my appointments and talk about exercise intolerance next time.

Next time.
What a beautiful thought.