Horrible, wretched, blue...

I am on Day 59 of antibiotics, Day 18 of the Big Gun one.  Tomorrow is the CT Scan of my head to see how things are progressing.  If you ask me, I would say we are still not finished with the never-ending sinus infection, because I still have blood GREEN gunk coming out of my head.  However, I actually do not have much experience with sinus infections.  The bleeding is ever so much better and the gunk is ever so much less.  I am still incredibly exhausted, however, so the theory that it was from fighting an infection has been pretty debunked in my book.  I have been exhausted since last summer, I think.  Exhausted even more so than usual.  Of course, the new GP keeps mentioning that beta blockers cause fatigue and that is a trade-off for having the blood pressure support.

Tuesday is an esophageal study.  Fun.  At my appointment last week, I talked at length with my GP about the swallowing problems.  Whilst they got significantly worse during the time my thyroid medication was lowered and better once it was raised again (I am so glad that whole thyroid medication experiment is over), I still have trouble swallowing drink and food and my pills.  It is mostly my pills, but I sure do get upset when I am struggling to swallow food.

I can swallow in my mouth ... things leave it ... but I am not swallowing well in my esophagus.  My GP thinks it is autonomic dysfunction, but she wants to rule out other things to be safe.  I am not looking forward to the study because of the barium.  Barium was hard to expel when I was healthy, so I can only imagine how hard it will be with my sluggish innards.  SIGH.

I am worried about going to both appointments because that means leaving Amos and, at the moment, Amos does not need to be alone.  I am such a horrible, horrible puppy momma.  SIGH.

Amos, out of the blue, decided that he wants to chew off his bit of tail (I HATE that the breeders docked it without asking).  I have been stopping him from doing so all day and whilst holding him, felt a bit of something hard on his back just above his tail.  I couldn't imagine what it was.  So, I started to investigate.  And did lots of puking.

My silly emotional stomach.

I figured out that it was a mat.  A rock hard mat that seemed attached to his skin somehow.  So, I began trying to lift it up enough so I could start cutting on it.  Occasionally Amos ears and tail (his long hair) gets a bit matted, but never on his body.  Until now.

I cut and cut and cut, teeny tiny snip by teeny tiny snip.  And then I came upon something dark and .... well, I realized that beneath the mat Amos' had a wound on his skin.  All I could see was black and was instantly convinced it was gangrene.  Hence, the vomiting.

I washed and cut.
And washed and cut.
And washed and cut.

I actually gave up and went to hold Amos in the GREEN chair.  But after a while, still worrying, I got up and worked on the spot again.

Thankfully, the black was only ... old dried oozing stuff.   After a lot of soap and warm water, I got the hair still remaining about the wound (hot spot, I guess), clean so that it was no longer stuck to his skin.

I am appalled, truly and deeply appalled that I let this happen to Amos.  I am a bit puzzled that the rock hard part of his back was missed by the vet last week.  I mean, she is so careful in examining him.  But I do not really find fault in her missing it.  How long have I been missing it?

I also cannot quite figure out how the mat happened given how many baths Amos has and how I keep his curls fairly trimmed.  And that worries me almost as much as worried about Amos' skin healing.

I went to put Kashi's old coat on Amos, the way that I kept him from bothering his wounds from the pit bull attack.  It took a long while to find it, but then I could barely get it around Amos' girth.

Yes, he's GAINED FOUR POUNDS over the past year, which boggles my mind.  I did think the weight would affect the fit of the coat, but it did!  So, that is the long-winded reason why I am worried about leaving Amos for both appointments.  I need to stay home so I can regularly yell, "Stop!"

That's his new word.  It is becoming rather effective.  However, Amos has not learned to "stop" for any significant length of time.  After obeying me, he will return to illicit activities once the temptation arises once more.  I would hate to come home from either appointment to find Amos has either chewed his tail or his back raw.

He's a bit cowed, at the moment, with all that tending to his person.  So, he's sleeping hard on my lap at the moment, recovering from all the trauma of that tending.  Is it realistic to hope that the wound on his back will be better by tomorrow afternoon having been cleaned and opened to the air?  I don't know much about hot spots.

Gosh, I feel so horrible ... such a bad pet owner ... and to have discovered this on Mother's Day, for all my talk of being Amos' puppy momma.

Horrible.
Wretched.
Blue.