In the wee hours of yesterday morning, I was battling a migraine. Such a battle is incredibly lonely to me, to be trapped in this massive, world-exploding amount of pain and be forced to huddle in silence and darkness because any sensory input makes the migraine worse. I take toradol, which takes the edge off the pain, and then sumatriptan, which is what stops the migraine. But I always have to take the second dose, so, from the time I swallow the first pill, I have to wait two hours to finish the medication that will stop the migraine. It is a long and lonely miserable wait.
Whilst migraines are terrible in and of themselves, the post-migraine period is still rather difficult. I feel so fragile and shell-shocked, almost in disbelief that the migraine is actually over. The disbelief that the migraine is over and the fear of a bounce-back migraine makes me walk on proverbial eggshells. On top of that, I am week and tremulous and I have to deal with my ever-increasing reaction to sumatriptan.
The latter bothers me, because I worry that having a reaction to the medication will mean that I will eventually not be able to take it. Toradol and sumatriptan have been an effective migraine solution for me, after trying many other unsuccessful medications, one of which landed me in the hospital.
When I first started taking sumatriptan, I had no side effects. Now I get terrible pains in my throat and it is really stiff. Hard to swallow. Hard to move. It is difficult to describe, but knowing it is a knowing side effect and not some wonky response of my body helps.
The latter bothers me, because I worry that having a reaction to the medication will mean that I will eventually not be able to take it. Toradol and sumatriptan have been an effective migraine solution for me, after trying many other unsuccessful medications, one of which landed me in the hospital.
When I first started taking sumatriptan, I had no side effects. Now I get terrible pains in my throat and it is really stiff. Hard to swallow. Hard to move. It is difficult to describe, but knowing it is a knowing side effect and not some wonky response of my body helps.
I am allergic to bactrim, which is a sulfa drug and somehow sumatriptan is related to sulfa drugs. Since I did not have the reaction for the first year or so (time slips so easily for me, so maybe it was longer before the first reaction), I worry that I am developing an allergy to it the way I have developed all of my allergies, rather than be born with them.
Post migraine, worrying about avoiding the bounce-back migraine and/or severe tension headache, I try to limit stress and use of my eyes and sounds and such. I feel such pressure to relax the muscles in my neck and shoulders and worry that feeling such pressure will only lead to the tension I am trying to avoid. SIGH.
And then there is the worry over my hair. I LOVE that it has finally grown out from that terrible mullet, because I still regret cutting it off because of the pain in my head. However, its length is making that daily pain harder to bear. I long for baldness and yet also long for my hair to continue to grow to get back to where it once was.
Post migraine, worrying about avoiding the bounce-back migraine and/or severe tension headache, I try to limit stress and use of my eyes and sounds and such. I feel such pressure to relax the muscles in my neck and shoulders and worry that feeling such pressure will only lead to the tension I am trying to avoid. SIGH.
And then there is the worry over my hair. I LOVE that it has finally grown out from that terrible mullet, because I still regret cutting it off because of the pain in my head. However, its length is making that daily pain harder to bear. I long for baldness and yet also long for my hair to continue to grow to get back to where it once was.
My hair is the ONLY thing I have ever liked about my body and the thing that makes me feel the most feminine. It is one of the cruel things about dysautonomia: the nerve pain in my head that is oft exacerbated by the movement of my hair.
I think, too, one of the worst things about the post-migraine period is the combination of having the trauma of it being so fresh and knowing that it will happen again. Trauma and fear do not go well with trying to avoid stress.
Most of all, post migraine, I deeply long for someone to sit with me, to not be alone. I want to hear that everything will be okay and feel the presence of another human being. Migraines are so very terrible and so very isolating since visual and auditory stimulation makes them worse. I become overwhelmed with pain and overwhelmed with my isolation since all sight and sound needs to be muted as much as possible until the migraine is over.
SIGH.
I think, too, one of the worst things about the post-migraine period is the combination of having the trauma of it being so fresh and knowing that it will happen again. Trauma and fear do not go well with trying to avoid stress.
Most of all, post migraine, I deeply long for someone to sit with me, to not be alone. I want to hear that everything will be okay and feel the presence of another human being. Migraines are so very terrible and so very isolating since visual and auditory stimulation makes them worse. I become overwhelmed with pain and overwhelmed with my isolation since all sight and sound needs to be muted as much as possible until the migraine is over.
SIGH.
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