Blasted SIM cards...

I read this article today on Facebook that sort of punched me in the gut.

I could tell you about a dozen things that I loathe about myself.  Truly loathe.  Not just ... oh, I wish I was _____ talk ... but loathe.  The article popped up like this ginormous mirror that I could not avoid.

"When Anxiety Presents As Anger" could have been written by me, well not me because my micro meltdown today at T-Mobile store was not as self-aware as the author seems to be.  It was my fourth trip in a week.  And it was another brick wall against which I banged my head.  But I still wish I would have been ... more gracious.

I want to scream and shout and stamp my feet and roll around on the floor flailing all my limbs.  IT'S NOT BLOODY FAIR!!!  My dear friend and her husband offered to put me on their plan so as to free up my phone cost for medical.  I called them my Medicare Supplemental Insurance Plan.  Only it turns out that T-Mobile is not good service for an iPhone in Fort Wayne.  I have no service in my home, at one of the hospitals I visit, and at my GP's office.  Oddly, I did have service in Walmart, even though it appears that T-Mobile on a SIM-free iPhone doesn't want to work inside a building ... except for Walmart.

After the pulmonary function testing, I came home needing to DO SOMETHING.  I kept thinking about how I couldn't use my phone at home without a wi-fi connection and I thought it was just plan stupid of me for trying to make a dismal service work for me just because it is free.  As much as I need that financial help, I need to have a phone that works in my house even if the Internet is out!  Without a landline, cell service is crucial.

So, what I did in my need to DO SOMETHING was to get what I thought (and now fervently hope) I needed to switch from my week of T-Mobile service to Straight Talk.  That was the service I thought I would do because it is $12 less than what I was paying with Sprint and it is the service Becky had when she visited me last.  It was the service she had when she came to get me through the pacemaker surgery and was driving out and about for me.  It was good service and I thought it would be sort of risk-free in trying.  It was my plan before the offer of free service came.

Now, Becky has also experienced terrible service in the same areas her husband's Android phone works just fine.  I thought it was something that just needed to be adjusted on her account.  In truth, I sort of blamed Becky for not working the problem.  Hah!  Oh, how the Lord smote me in that!!  There is no working of the problem.  The Bring Your Own Phone program with T-Mobile leaves much to be desired.

In switching phones, I purposely  bought a SIM-free phone from Apple because it angers me that my iPhone 5s from Sprint can only be used on Sprint even though it is unlocked and now owned by me for over two years.  I couldn't even use it on Boost Mobile, the pre-paid service that runs on Sprint's network.  Only I don't really know what SIM-free means and it seems like having a phone optimized for a service is the better approach in cell phones.

I've got 7 days left to return the iPhone if that is the course that I should take.  Should I get just get an iPhone through T-Mobile?  Should I return the phone and get a replacement, in case it is the antennae?  I know that it is the Qualcomm chip thingamajig, so it is the better un-attached phone.  But this whole SIM-card world is not for me.

I tried to port my number from T-Mobile to Straight Talk.  Who knows if I did it correctly.  Right now, I'm in this limbo land where the T-Mobile SIM card works and the new Straight Talk one doesn't.  I had to buy the $45 plan for the first month even though I want the $35 plan.  I am crossing my fingers that I can switch after 30 days.  But, instead of being smart about this, I opted to try to port my number.  What I should have done is gone with a new number.  Now, I'm in limbo.  Who knows if I did things correctly.  It's 10 hours later and the T-Mobile SIM card is still working.  The new one has "No Service" on it.  Becky (and the Straight Talk website) says that this will take a while.  But when I ported from Sprint to T-Mobile, it took mere minutes.

I think if I had signed up for a new phone number, I would know right away if I bought the right kind of SIM card and if it is working.

It is extremely NERVE-WRACKING to not know if you blew up your cell service or not.  If the T-Mobile SIM card stops working but the new Straight Talk one doesn't start working, I won't have a phone to call customer service!  I think I could get my realtor to come over and let me use her phone, but I am not certain.  And I've been too chicken to ask.

I have been ... well, I feel as if I am shattering, as if all these pieces of me are flying outward and I'm unable to hold enough pieces of myself together.  I am worried about the shortness of breath.  I am even worried about how it is getting better.  I am worried about the one segment of the testing today that I failed.  I am worried about potentially meeting a new specialist.  I am broken by this question in therapy that arose a couple of months ago that is rattling around my being.  And I am crushed by something that happened with my family this week.

This whole evening, as I checked the service on my phone a million and one times, I also found myself shuddering and shaking and being on the verge of a flood of tears save for the whole dry-eyes-Sjögren's thing that means I no longer cry.  Pain wells in my eyes.  My face turns read.  I shudder.  And my entire being is melancholy.  But no tears in my eye.

I found myself huddled over, clutching my midsection wanting to wail, but somehow silenced.  I am so fractured that I am even more frightened about that that about the barbecue ... no, not barbecue.  Oh!  DARN IT.  A migraine is starting and I cannot finish this.  I cannot think of the words for the greater fear.  But I want to post anyway. Post that I am frantic and frenetic and thrumming with an upsettedness that has bowled me over.  SIGH.

Maybe my migraine meds might send me into the slumber that eluded me nearly all of last night ... and I'll awake to find the port finished and the new service working on my phone.  A girl can dream, eh?