Recovering...

The procedure went well, but I had an asthma attack afterwards.

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That was all that I have been able to write in the past few days, because I am just so darn weary.  But also because I have been dealing with that asthma attack, a blood sugar crash, syncope, and pre-syncope.  Plus, I've got a migraine starting and I should stop typing and go take my meds and sit in darkness and silence.  However, days and days are passing by without being remembered here.

What I am struggling with the most is that I found myself right back in that terrible place where I am begging for my emergency inhaler and medical staff are ignoring my pleas and telling me that I simply need to calm down.  The last time it happened, I stopped breathing.

I don't want to live this life of mine if I cannot escape that battle.

I know that cough variant asthma is not common, but it is not uncommon either.  Meaning, it is not rare.  And I was decompensating fast as far as my cough went.  Still, no one was listening to what I was actually gasping out in-between my coughs.

Even though I was coughing so hard that blood and clots from the procedure in my lungs had been forced up into my sinuses and was then dripping out my nose, still, I only needed to "calm down."

I wish to give the blow-by-blow, but I am not sure I could write it all out without finding myself back in that very dark place I have been trying to crawl my way out of since Thursday.  In short, the procedure room was very far away from the recovery room.  I started to cough outside of the procedure room.  My emergency inhaler was beneath the gurney I was on.  I repeatedly begged for my inhaler as I tried to explain what was happening, how cough variant asthma starts.  The only response I got for about the first ten minutes of my asthma attack was to "try to calm down."

I shall admit that my emergency inhaler was expired, when I finally got it.  Of course, the medical personnel did not believe me when I stated that.  I could tell by the lack of taste in my mouth.  I asked about the date on the canister.  You see, once you pierce the canister, it expires in 90 days.  It was three-months expired!  But even though it is my med and I was explaining, in between coughs, that I NEEDED albuterol and atravent, because the manufacturer's date was not expired, I just need to CALM DOWN.

SIGH.

What was really difficult to bear was a nurse explaining disbelief at how much the nebulizer helped my cough.  Yes, well, THAT'S WHAT MEDICINE DOES FOR ASTHMA ATTACKS.

I was not prepared for an asthma attack.  I have become too complacent about them, because I have not had to deal with really bad ones for years and years.  But I did.  And I was not prepared.

I also had not given a single moment's thought to how the terrible dryness in my throat would affect an asthma attack, where the key is to stop the coughing and keep it from starting back up.  I cough all the time from my dry throat now.  But I didn't have any of the things I use to stop that coughing, such as the dry mouth lubricant, the dry mouth lozenges, the numbing lozenges, and benzonatate (tessalon perles).  I also should have brought water for the car.

If I had known that a complication of the procedure for asthmatics is an asthma attack, I could have been more prepared.  But I did not.  Still, it is shameful to have not changed out my emergency inhaler for three months.  So, I do not forget that again, I added a calendar event for March 13th to swap out this one for a fresh one.  I find it so wasteful to throw away a nearly full inhaler, but in an emergency waste doesn't matter.

I need to start thinking about all the stuff I have at home to help with my various symptoms and consider which ones I need with me when I am out and about and when I am in medical settings.

I SWEAR that I am not going to be put to sleep again without having my emergency inhaler duct-taped to my gown.  I simply cannot depend on medical personnel to help in times of asthma attacks.

I've done very, very,  very little since Thursday, but I am still weary as weary can be.  I only nebulizer twice today and I am going to see what happens if I don't at all tomorrow.  I have an appointment on Tuesday and a car maintenance on Thursday (timing belt; minimum 4 hours).  Then, since my brother is coming, I want to get a few groceries this next weekend so I have some veggies and salad stuff on hand for us and I want to do a basic clean before he arrives.

I am already exhausted before any of those things have happened.

Recovering from anesthesia is harder on me, now.  Recovering from an asthma attack always has been.  Recovering from a massive blood sugar crash takes a day or so.  Fainting makes the rest of the day hard for me.  Pile all that up together and I'm not sure how long it will be until I feel as if I can manage myself once more.  Of course, having so many appointments in such a short period of time leading up to the lung wash didn't help either.

SIGH.

Have I mentioned that I am weary??