Perhaps just...

So ...

[I'm sure you know where I am going with that.]

I am not sure that an entire month without dessert is really necessary.  Yes, I made it through today, even though, being one born and bred to dessert being a necessary part to any meal not breakfast, it was really, really, really tough on me.  But an entire month?

This isn't about sugar.  I don't need to watch my sugar.  Since I make most of my food from scratch, I know exactly how much sugar I am consuming.  My problem is that I totally lost my discipline with dessert.  Gone were the days where all I had was two mini Reese's peanut butter cups or a couple of cookies.  Instead of cutting, I dessert-ed away my overwhelming emotions.  I don't want to do either, but I most definitely do not want to eat through an entire bag of Smarties in a single week!

I was making such good progress with agonizingly slow, but steady weight loss, despite being on two drugs that cause weight gain, and that all went out of the window.  The fasting means that I can chow down on desserts and not gain weight, but chowing on desserts means not losing any weight.

I look in the mirror and I do not recognize the person I see.  I hate the redness in my face and ears.  But the massive weight gain just felled me.  I change my entire diet to deal with the gastroparesis and because I want to address the nerve pain I have to gain weight.  It's not fair!

I look in the mirror and I do not recognize the person I see.  I look in my head and I do not recognize the person I see.  I look at my life and I do not recognize the person I see.

SIGH.

So, perhaps just a week.  Perhaps just a week of no desserts and then see if I can get back to my usual sweet, but modest habits.  I admit that I am free with desserts when folk are visiting, being wicked and use them as an excuse to indulge.  But, alone, I am good, disciplined, reasonable.  Until October, when I fell off the deep end and unable to find a way back.  Despite my best efforts, desserts are not a way back.

Perhaps just a wee.
Or two.

Well, definitely I should be back to desserts by the 20th, because I am going to Penn Station with my realtor, who is picking me up for lunch since I will be camped out at Goodyear for at least half the day.  And, if you didn't know this already, Penn Station has the bestest chocolate chunk cookies in the known universe.  They are wildly wicked and vastly non-economical, but worth every calorie and penny and morsel.

Tonight, I thought to have a Dr Pepper, but then decided that would be cheating.  By that I mean, it would be trying to have a sweet.  I had a Granny Smith apple after I ate my dinner, my life-long love of an apple.  Fruit does not make up for a lack of a dessert.  Not when you have my heritage!