Friday, November 30, 2018

The impossible, the dream, and the Fluffernutter...

I shall declare the impossible:  I have been on such a sugar fest for reasons I only half understand that I looked at the calendar tonight and declared December to be a dessert free month.

Yes, I am serious.
Get it out of your system.

Even though I know this to be an impossible feat, being the daughter and granddaughter of two avowed chocoholics, who believe every lunch and dinner should come with dessert, I still aim to strive to gain back the discipline that I have enjoyed until ... well ... if you read here you know.  Why rehash what still distresses me when I think of it.

Needless to day, I had three desserts, including illegal Blue Bell, for dinner tonight.
A condemned woman's last meal.
Yes, desert is a meal.

[Abrupt change of topic.]

I dreamt last night that that Amos' ears fell off and that that was left was two bloody holes one the side of his head.  First one ear.  Then, as I was screaming, the other followed.  I awoke so terrified that I couldn't open my eyes.  I was absolutely convinced that my dream was real, that I was dreaming about what had happened, not about something that never happened.

I lay there for what seemed like forever, terrified, shaking, heart hammering.  Amos, being his new languidly lazy self, was rather slow to crawl his way out of the bed once he realized I was awake.  I couldn't bring my to touch him or open my eyes, even though he did not sound like a dog that had body parts falling off of him.  Finally, he gave up on his breathless whines to get me to out of bed and started smothering my face with his kisses.  Feeling the curls of his ears dragging across my cheeks, I gathered sufficient courage to open my eyes.  Whew!  Amos was just fine!

Some of my dreams are so very real that I cannot see them as dreams.  Sometimes I wake with sleep paralysis, which makes discerning between dream and wakefulness difficult.  And sometimes the terror (or shame) from my dream is so great that even though I know that I am awake and the dream was not real, I still am felled by it.

I could use prayer for the cessation of macabre thoughts about Amos. He is still with me, after all.  And tomorrow is his birthday.

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