I have wanted to write this, but have hesitated in saying so...my heart has been better in the past few days.  It is still low.  I just checked.  Sitting here typing, my heart rate has fallen to 56 beats per minute.  However, I noticed, after I had been there about four days, that when I awoke in the night the hammering in my chest seemed a wee bit less.  Sunday, I knew it was less because the pulseoximeter I kept by my bed proved it so.  My heart rate still jumps when I awake in the middle of the night, but it was about 30 beats per minute less.  That is truly remarkable.  But it is also disturbing.  I mean, it is one thing to say your job is killing you...but it is another for the truth to be that your job is actually harmful physically.

My boss has already managed to criticize me three times between yesterday and today.  I gave her the information she needed and merely swallowed my retort that what she wanted is what she gave me when I first came there since she has been doing grants before I arrived.  I have already been paying the price for no longer responding to emails, texts, and phone calls in the evenings or on weekends.  I am hopeful I can continue to keep those boundaries.  But I wonder if there are any more boundaries that I could dare, so that even if I remain in this job it does not wear on me so.

Time to study Greek!  Can you imagine reading the Gospel, studying the New Testament, in the language in which it was written?  SIGH.

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, ...let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.  

~Hebrews 10:19, 22

3.  JESUS GIVES US CONFIDENCE BEFORE OUR HEAVENLY FATHER.

In the Temple in Jerusalem, only a priest could enter the Most Holy Place, and only on the Day of Atonement, when he made the annual offering for sins.  But when Jesus died, the Temple curtain was torn in two.  The wall between us and God was shattered.

Because of Jesus, anytime we have need, without ritual or special dispensation, we can come into the presence of God.  We can come boldly, with confidence that we will be received by the Father who adopted us through His Son's blood.  Because of the relationship with God we have through Jesus, we can approach Him with a free, untroubled heart.



Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!