Last night when I went to bed, I ended up on the floor again.  This time, I was putting on some socks.  One of them slipped through my fingers even though I was gripping it tightly.  I bent over to pick it up and the lights went out.  For a few years now, I have known I get dizzy or even faint if I bend over.  I forgot that last night.  When you drop something, the natural inclination is to pick it up.

Watching the sock slip through my fingers reminded me of the few years before I was finally diagnosed with MS.  The first symptom I had was weakness in my hands.  But it was more than weakness.  I would be holding my toothbrush or mascara or lipstick in my hand and it would just drop to the sink.  In my mind, I was still gripping it, but my hands were not following the instructions my brain was sending.  Getting ready was rather frustrating. 

The other real problem was that taking baths made me ill, only I never connected soaking in a hot tub with the debilitating fatigue and oft fainting episodes that would follow.  There was nothing I loved better than soaking in a tub with a good book, often filling the tub a second or even a third time if the book was good.  Only afterward, I would struggle to get out and did not always make it to my bed.  Once out of the hot water and into the cold room air, I would eventually regain my strength.  I never added two plus two to get four.

The other symptoms I had at the beginning were tingling in my hands and feet, a large patch of numbness on the back of a thigh, blurred and double vision, and a strange headache that lasted from May until October. 

By the time I was diagnosed, the cognitive dysfunction had begun.  When I think what I noticed then, compared to what I battle today, I could wish it were sixteen years ago once more.  If I had known then what was coming, I would have studied more, worked harder, tried to preserve and document more.  SIGH.

Today, the visitation pastor preached, so I do not have his sermon.  He did talk about something I had talked about with Pizza Man and his Lovely Bride when we had dinner and devotions last week.  Pastor M put it quite bluntly:  the disciples were agonizingly slow learning things.  He said he struggled with the same, which cheered me a bit since I have blogged quite a bit about my dense mind when it comes to understanding the whole of objective grace, its glorious breadth and depth.

I told Johnny-on-the-spot and Vee that I had been surprised to realize that the disciples didn't have the Holy Spirit until after Christ died.  In fact, I have been really surprised to see what sinners they were, how much they doubted even up until the very end of their time with Jesus.  [Their sinfulness, doubting and querulous natures were not really talked about in the sermons and studies I had had.]  They didn't understand because they couldn't completely understand without the Helper...although sometimes you have to wonder why they just kept focusing on the wrong things, all the while eating, drinking, and sleeping with the very Son of God.  While we were visiting, I posited that if the disciples truly understood they might have fought to keep Jesus from giving Himself over to be murdered.  For a god who would willingly die must certainly be off his rockers and would need a bit of protecting from himself.  Does not common sense tell us a live god would be better than a dead one?

During the sermon this morning, the pastor did something I find frustrating, but I don't think I could ever really say something about it.  Three times, that I remember, he referenced a passage of scripture by author, but not at least a chapter.  I think I am pretty much the only one who takes notes during sermons; I try to capture the lessoning so that I can reflect on it further, and I always like to go back and read references in their context.  But, for example, Isaiah has 66 chapters, 66 complex, dense chapters (save for chapter 12, which is just plain glorious), so I am fairly sure I could hunt for hours and never find his reference.  I tried looking for it using www.biblegateway.com, but I do not know what version he was citing or even if he used all the exact words.  In my admittedly selfish opinion, I happen to think all pastors, preachers, ministers, priests, etc. who cite scripture during a sermon, homily, bible class, etc. should at least reference book and chapter.

It was a good sermon, one that gave me pause.  As did one of the hymns.  I did not sing it even after I finally caught the melody.  Instead, I sat there reading and re-reading the words.

Sing Praise to God, the Highest Good

Sing praise to God, the highest good,
The author of creation,
The God of love who understood
Our need for his salvation.
With healing balm our souls he fills
And every faithless murmur stills:
To God all praise and glory!

What God’s almighty power has made,
In mercy he is keeping;
By morning glow or evening shade
His eye is never sleeping;
Within the kingdom of his might
All things are just and good and right:
To God all praise and glory!

We sought the Lord in our distress;
O God, in mercy hear us.
Our Savior saw our helplessness
And came with peace to cheer us.
For this we thank and praise the Lord,
Who is by one and all adored:
To God all praise and glory!

He never shall forsake His flock,

His chosen generation;

He is their refuge and their rock,

Their peace and their salvation.

As with a mother's tender hand,

He leads His own, His chosen band:

To God all praise and glory!

All who confess Christ’s holy name,
Give God the praise and glory.
Let all who know his power proclaim
Aloud the wondrous story.
Cast every idol from its throne,
For God is God, and he alone:
To God all praise and glory!

                        (LSB 819)



I was thinking in part about Pastor E's homily from last Wednesday's Vespers.  In it, he talked about while we no longer live beneath the sacrificial system, we still offer sacrifices today.  For one, we offer our sacrifice of praise.  Now, I know a praise song that has nearly that title:  We Bring a Sacrifice of Praise.  The song is completely human centric.  We.  We.  We.  The subject is what we bring, what we offer.

When I was working with my writing student the other day, I actually found a copy of the one praise song I wrote as a Protestant.  For a writer and a singer, I ought to have penned more.  This one was enough.  Katie Bess was kind when she read it, claiming it sounded just like a psalm.  I guess you might sort of see that since my praise was about who God was, what He did (was I a closet Lutheran even then??), but there was still a bit too much of the pronoun "I."

Anyhow, there in the middle of the service, as my brothers and sisters surrounded me with the sweet, sweet Gospel in this hymn, I kept thinking about what an utter contrast this hymn of praise was to all those praise songs I sang for years and years and years.  I thought about Pastor E's homily and how different, how absolutely and completely different my instruction has been over the past year.

When I was with Pizza Man and his Lovely Bride, I shared with them the difference I had learned about ordinances and sacraments while studying the differences between the Baptist confession and the Lutheran confession.  As I have written before, ordinances are things man does for God; sacraments are what God does for us.  [Baptists erroneously confess that baptism and the Lord's Supper are ordinances, not sacraments.]  This hymn, though a song a praise, was still focused on what God does for us.  The sacrifice of praise we offer is still a sacrifice based on Jesus Christ...and thus acceptable!  What a difference!

Below is the whole of his homily for your good pleasure:

The opening verse of tonight’s psalm is used as the Introit for the Fifth Sunday in Lent, called Judica. That’s from the Latin translation, “Judica me, Deus,” “Judge me, O God.” How dare we say such words? We can only call upon God to judge us if we have confidence that we will be found righteous.

You probably noticed that this psalm is similar to last week’s, largely because it ends with a verse also found in Ps. 42: “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”

The psalmist is asking for vindication, for judgment against those who have caused his deep sorrow, his depression. While we too have known and experienced sorrow and depression, we also know its cause: we are poor, miserable sinners. The real miracle is that we are not more depressed, more sorrowful! But our LORD Jesus has no cause within Himself for such sorrow. His suffering comes at the hands of others who perform injustice against Him.

Thus He alone can say, Judica me, Deus! Judge Me, O God! Vindicate Me! Only the LORD JESUS Christ has the right to ask for vindication before God the Father. He alone has the right, for He alone is righteous. When we pray the psalm, when we ask for vindication and a judgment in our favor, we must make that request in Christ.

We New Testament Christians make that request the same place it is made in this Old Testament psalm: at the altar. And we make it in a spirit of penitence.

The Service of Corporate Confession in our hymnal begins wisely with a verse from tonight’s psalm: “I will go to the altar of God: To God my exceeding joy.” As we approach the altar, particularly for the blessed Sacrament, we approach in the same spirit, and those words would be good to have on our own lips, as a reminder of what is taking place: “I will go to the altar of God: To God my exceeding joy.”

“I will go” because God is there. God is everywhere, of course. Yet He is not everywhere for us. The psalmist says, “Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling.” The Lord, who is everywhere, is found located in a particular location, a particular place to administer His grace. Thus we find the LORD, He is located, in the place where He has put His grace, that is, in the Holy Sacrament of the Altar.

The altar referenced in the psalm, of course, is the Old Testament altar of sacrifice. We cannot go to that altar. It no longer exists, for it has been done away with, along with the entire sacrificial system. Our Lord JESUS Christ is the final, all-availing sacrifice. By His blood the sin of the world is taken away.

But we go to a new and greater altar of God, God our exceeding joy. The altar of the New Testament church is not a place where we offer a sacrifice for propitiating God, but a place where we receive the sacrifice offered by Jesus.

We do offer sacrifices, though. The NT speaks about Christians offering the sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. Also the works of mercy we are to do for others are called sacrifices. This is what I remind you of each Sunday before the offering: “Through Christ let us offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving,” which is what? “The offering of lips confessing His name.” But there is more to our sacrificing: “But to do good and to distribute,” that is, distributing the possessions God has given us to those who need them, to do that “forget not, for with such sacrifices God is well-pleased.” Truly He is well-pleased with you, because He is well-pleased with His Son, who was vindicated in His glorious resurrection from the dead. In Him shall we too rise. Therefore hope and be utterly confident in God, for you shall praise Him in eternity, your salvation and your God.

I am so thankful, so very thankful whenever he posts a sermon so that I might reflect on it further, savor the right division of Law and Gospel further.  If he would only record his sermons so that I could have that Living Word fall upon my ears again and again to help arm me against the assaults and accusations of the devil that seem so frequent, so relentless.

We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, 

which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.  ~Ephesians 2:10

12.  JESUS GIVES OUR LIVES MEANING AND PURPOSE.

A hammer isn't quite a hammer unless it's hammering.  And we're not quite fulfilled unless we're doing something that has meaning and purpose higher than ourselves.

Jesus has invited us to be part of the coming Kingdom and He's given us each a personal mission to further that Kingdom.  He told His disciples, "You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth" (Acts 1:8).  Jesus has give us a job to do—one that makes our lives full, exciting, and eternally significant.

Lutheran Doctrine note:  While the Kingdom is not yet, it is also now.  This is one of those things I cannot really explain yet, one of those things on my list I wish for someone to teach me.  It is something like that in receiving the Holy Spirit, in being made a new creation, we receive all that is Christ's now, His righteousness, His holiness, His purity.  So while we still live in a fallen world with our sinful nature, we are also a sanctified saint.  I just butchered that and said nothing of substance, but the point is that God's Kingdom is also now.



Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!