A fix or hit or whatever it is that I am doing...

I needed something, anything, to step outside a bad moment.  So, I filed all the paperwork that had been piled in the tray downstairs, organized and reduced one and a half shelves on that particular shelf, reduced stuff from the bottom tray and the tray on another filing bin stack, and was able to move all the stuff that I had stored on the floor beneath the research/professional/personal book shelf to the black shelf that holds the filing bin, a basket of stationary paper for printers, and two baskets of things below it.  That shelf now holds all the blank CDs and cases, as well as the spare hole punchers.  I was thinking, though, I ought to donate at least one of the three-hole punches.

In doing so, I found two more past medical doctor's names and addresses to add to my medical history app, Amos' micro chip certificate, a story that I had forgotten that I had written, and the most loving email ever sent to me by Bettina...from 1997!  The wild part was that she was re-writing a bad day for me without either one of us knowing about the re-writing of nightmares yet!

After this therapy, I ended up with cleaner shelves, greater access to information, and a shopping bag full of recycled paper to take outside.

It struck me that what I am doing with all of those papers and supplies is a sort of winnowing, getting rid of the chaff of needless paper work and painful reminders. It is a process of letting go, of learning to accept the place where I have come to find myself.

A good future project for another moment of distress would be to take all the professional samples of my work, reduce the duplicates and keep only those things that reflect positively about my skills rather than serve as reminders of the feelings of failure that overwhelm me, along with the grief over the abilities I have lost.  Were anyone ever to ask, I could still teach/train about such things internal/external communications, literacy, operational documentation and organization, knowledge management, strategic planning, and board development.  Samples of work that would augment such an opportunity are all that I need to keep.  The rest matters not anymore.  I am no longer the one who created those materials.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. ~John 1:1-5



I am Yours, Lord.  Save me!