Fear by any other name...

Awoke from the worst night terror to date early this morning, vomiting, shaking, and terrified.  I am not superstitious.  Not at all.  But I gathered every single copy of the bible I have (even the non-NASB 1977 ones), all my copies of the Christian Book of Concord, and the crucifixes from all the bedrooms and the living room.  I was crying so hard that Amos fetched quite a few babies whilst I was gathering those things that are true.  I made a circle of them around me and sat in the middle clutching my puppy.

It is hard to explain, but I dreamed about the devil. And, when I awoke, I struggled to know what is real.  Hours later I finally fell back asleep, only to awake one still afraid, still weeping, still shaking.

Even now.
I am still afraid.

I wept my way through mailing the last package, dropping the blankets at the homeless rehoming non-profit, picking up my prescriptions, grocery shopping, and getting a bag of food for Amos.  I did not care what anyone else thought.  I was not about to stay in the house, and I couldn't stop shaking or weeping.

When I was fetching groceries, I spotted a pineapple.  Thinking how tasty I found the grilled pineapple Leslie and Tom have made for me twice, I bought one.  Yes, it is 25 degrees outside, snowing, and I grilled.

My grilling pineapple skill has yet to manifest itself successfully.  Charred pineapple is not at all tasty.  Out of the entire pineapple, I only salvaged four slices worth of edibility.

At least my skill with chicken has not left me.  I do believe the propane tank is getting really low.  While I can get Lowe's to put a new tank in my car, I am not sure how I can get it from my car to the back porch.

Having shopped for the month, I felt like a meat processing plant.  I have learned to separate out the bacon into packages of four slices, using wax paper. That way, I can apportion the package out over the month, rather than plowing my way through it.  I have also found, much to my surprise, that the fresh chicken is more expensive than the flash frozen chicken.  That means trimming it up and separating it into Ziploc bags before freezing it.  It was also cheaper to get two pounds of ground beef for Basil Burgers, so I had to divide that meat as well.

After cleaning up from all the meat division, I grilled the chicken (and burned the pineapple) and made one of my dinner plate salads, with wild leaf lettuce, slivered carrots, avocado, feta, cucumber, dried cranberries, and sunflower seeds, and the grilled chicken, of course.  Afterwards, I made some more of the Lemon Garlic Basil Potato Salad for the next few days.

All the while, still shaking and weeping.
And afraid.


I am Yours, Lord.  Save me!