Being tortured...

Shock.
Shock.
Shock.

It is difficult for me to concentrate on anything.  And it is difficult for me to be fully sensible ... or at least as sensible as I am capable of being.  A large portion of my brain is caught up in being shocked. In managing the pain and surprise and jerking of being shocked constantly.

Shock.
Shock.
Shock.

Last night, I started an upgrade to the gabapentin.  I'm going from 1,500 mg to 1,800 mg, 100 mg a dose at a time.  It should take about 2-3 weeks.  I am hoping ... fervently ... it will make a difference.  But when I think about the last constant neuropathy I had, the bee-sting pain and itching with the pacemaker incision, I am discouraged because it was 18 months of increasing and increasing and increasing gabapentin—and gaining weight—before first the pain and then the itching ceased.  I cannot fathom living with being shocked by my own body for a year or more.

Shock.
Shock.
Shock.

More than anything else that has happened to me, I feel like I am being tortured by my own body.  SIGH.