[Expanded from a musing I made on Facebook last night.]
Last night, my sister and I watched "Hidden Figures" together, syncing up our DVRs. It was interesting because she knew that our father was a part of the space program in a way that I did not ... at least not until his funeral. She remembers him.
Watching the movie, she mused how she was ... well, she went to school with the children of astronauts and she couldn't understand why he didn't want to be one. And she was angry that he didn't go on the summer vacations with us, but would stay home to work.
She realized, though, after his funeral and reflecting on this movie that my father was working his DREAM job. He didn't want to be in space. He wanted to help send others by getting to do the math! Such an engineer nerd he was!!
Her comment made me truly appreciate the scenes with the IBM machine that was brought in to the program. No one knew what to do or could fathom the relationship IBM would have with the space program in the coming years. But I knew that machine would bring my father into the fold in the years to come. And, according to my sister, bring him to his BLISS.
There was a fundamental shift that took place in what I know of my father watching "Hidden Figures" with my sister. She grew up with a different father than I did, having both more time with the two of them still together and the memories of my parents still being married. It struck me that my brother had no memories of such, being too young when my parents divorced. He has no anchor in his life of living with his father full-time.
There was a fundamental shift that took place in what I know of my father watching "Hidden Figures" with my sister. She grew up with a different father than I did, having both more time with the two of them still together and the memories of my parents still being married. It struck me that my brother had no memories of such, being too young when my parents divorced. He has no anchor in his life of living with his father full-time.
And, to be honest, a lot of what I know of my father has been filtered through my mother. As a child, I believed all that she said. But I have come to realize the pain and bitterness of her divorce colored his view of him and the stories she chose to tell me. She also played games with him using us children.
Recently, I learned that one of the greatest griefs that my father bore was not having his children by his side at the funeral of his father. It is a bitterness that still remains with my step-mother, remembering the agony of her spouse at that time. I do not remember his death or the funeral. From what I understand, instead of teaching us to love and support my father, my mother didn't encourage us to go. I am not sure if it is possible to know if she prevented us, the way that my father and step-mother believed or if she merely allowed us to give into our selfish nature. But she did fail in parenting us to support and encourage our father.
My sister just had her birthday and I spent four weeks trying, long distance, to get my teenage nephews to have a card and a present for their mother. I learned last year that they haven't done so, at least since her husband left seven years ago. In those seven years, their father has not saw fit to teach them to be loving, supportive, and encouraging to their mother. He has failed them as a parent and has missed such an incredibly opportunity to mold them into the men that they could become.
Watching the movie, I found myself wanting to weep—save for the dratted lack of tears in my eyes thanks to Sjögren's Syndrome—for the father that I did not know, the one I could have known if my mother had had a different response to her divorce. It made me admire my sister all the more, for although she has had many opportunities to drag down her ex-husband, she has worked very hard to cover his failings as a father and bend over backwards, even to her detriment, to try to include him in their lives outside of his weekends with them. I am envious of my nephews for that.
Anyway, when I first saw the movie, it gutted me. For I know my father would have LOVED watching it and talking about his time when he joined the space program just a short while later. Gosh! I just know the authentic film locations chosen by the crew would have hand him waxing on and on about his work. Though not always in the present during our movie-watching years, my father could recount the past with ease. I dearly, dearly wish this movie had been made when he could have seen it.
Like I said. Gutted.
But, watching it with my sister, I was able to borrow a bit of her excitement of re-living that time with a dad who woke her up, scooped her out of bed, plopped her in front of the TV, and said, "You have to see this."
What? The moon landing!
I was able to share her joy of him as a father and I got to better understand what I learned at the funeral. He worked on the space program, including the Mercury Program, the Apollo Program, Skylab, and the Shuttle Program. At his funeral, I was astounded to learn all this and wondered why there was such a distance in our family, why so little is really known about close family members. I also learned that he was well-known for mentoring young engineers and helping to guide their careers. Men who remained grateful for his help their entire lives.
Such energy and purpose of those years!
So much pulling together the same oars, despite great obstacles!
"Hidden Figures" is a truly beautiful and profound movie, one made all the better viewing it through my sister's eyes. Of course, now I need to watch "Apollo 13" again!
Anyway, when I first saw the movie, it gutted me. For I know my father would have LOVED watching it and talking about his time when he joined the space program just a short while later. Gosh! I just know the authentic film locations chosen by the crew would have hand him waxing on and on about his work. Though not always in the present during our movie-watching years, my father could recount the past with ease. I dearly, dearly wish this movie had been made when he could have seen it.
Like I said. Gutted.
But, watching it with my sister, I was able to borrow a bit of her excitement of re-living that time with a dad who woke her up, scooped her out of bed, plopped her in front of the TV, and said, "You have to see this."
What? The moon landing!
I was able to share her joy of him as a father and I got to better understand what I learned at the funeral. He worked on the space program, including the Mercury Program, the Apollo Program, Skylab, and the Shuttle Program. At his funeral, I was astounded to learn all this and wondered why there was such a distance in our family, why so little is really known about close family members. I also learned that he was well-known for mentoring young engineers and helping to guide their careers. Men who remained grateful for his help their entire lives.
Such energy and purpose of those years!
So much pulling together the same oars, despite great obstacles!
"Hidden Figures" is a truly beautiful and profound movie, one made all the better viewing it through my sister's eyes. Of course, now I need to watch "Apollo 13" again!
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