Late last night, my very-much-not-a-night-owl Cousin D sent me a draft of a writing project asking for help. While I was surprised he was still awake, I very much welcomed the opportunity to actually do something for someone. I read it, noted my observations, and then shot him an email asking if he would like to talk about it. Since it was a first draft that needed a bit of a tune-up, I didn't want to just send him my edits.

[I was still up because I was working my way through the Augsberg Confession. There is an ineffable fellowship in finding that you agree in faith with those who lived nearly 400 years ago, knowing their confession of faith aligned with the first Christians and the Living Word penned so very long ago. Truth does not change even as the world does.]

A few minutes later, Skype was ringing! Even though I already had the curlers in my hair, I went ahead and answered with video. I was longing for company. Besides, it is not as if Cousin D cares what I look like. Toss on my fleece jacket over my PJs and I am good to go.

I have shared Cousin D's photography prowess, but I have yet to mention (I think) that he is a talented writer/communicator. That he does not write much, do much with that talent other than giving speeches, is a broken record between us. You should write more. Oh, I'm not that good. Seriously, Cousin D. I never say someone is good if he/she is not. I can be very creative in talking about writing without telling someone he/she is talented if that is truly not the case. But Cousin D is blessed/cursed with many, many talents and has such a wide range of interests that writing falls to the wayside time and time again.

His piece had potential, but he also had not truly answered some of the questions on this profile designed to help potential college students.

What I love about Cousin D is that he accepted my notes and gentle chastisement for what it was: a commentary on the written text, not him. Often I have to work really hard to get those who seek my help with writing to separate out themselves from the process. I look at what is in the piece...or what is not. Yes, I do take into consideration the author, but more so in evaluating if he met his potential or if she utilized her knowledge and experience as fully as she could. If you write a rotten piece, I do not think you are rotten. If it is almost embarrassingly immature, I do not think you are immature. I revel in any opportunity to delve into literary craftsmanship and welcome most those times when the author can remove the self and dive in with me. Cousin D is one of those folk.

Yesterday, with spoiled milk in my refrigerator, I ventured out for some more and for some token of thanks for Pastor D and his wife. L likes flowers, so I found a bunch of miniature roses for her. Pastor likes whipped cream. A while ago, I took a poll at work on if there was anything other than Cool Whip that I could get him, a gourment option or something like that. The consensus was that I should get the real whipped cream at Whole Foods. So, I did. I also threw in a large container of Driscoll strawberries to go with them. By the time I shuffled back to the car, I was tuckered out. However, I knew that if I popped by right then, I had a good chance of missing Pastor and just seeing L.

I tried to carry the treats to their door, but they have a set of steps without a railing that was basically impossible to navigate. I ended up perched on the top step while we visited. Yes, it was hot. Yes, I should have stayed in the car and had her fetch everything, but is that really the way to deliver a thank you?

L made an interesting observation. She said, to her, it seemed as if what happened really started earlier in the day. At least it seemed something was going on at Bible study. I started to mention the effect the nebulizer drugs have on me, but she interrupted me and said it seemed like more than just that. So, perhaps the next time I am confronted by heat, it will not be that bad....

Busy with this rather large project at work, Cousin D was a bit behind in my blog. He didn't know about Wednesday. I asked him to read it. So, there we were on Skype. Me finishing up the Confession and Cousin D reading of my disasterous evening. It was a bad day. I really wanted to talk about it, without talking about it.

Cousin D, ever the astute man, commented on the fact that it seemed as if I was frightened by Pastor in how I wrote the entry. I had little to say but how much it bothers me that I was. I am. The man JD at least--hopefully not the shepherd.

He also asked if I was planning on going to church, evoking a deep sigh on my part. Given how much I over did it yesterday, I was thinking I should just lie in bed all day again. However, I have to go to work tomorrow. Perhaps, if I got up, dressed, and went out, it would be a practice run of sorts. Cousin D advised me to stay home and rest. I couldn't decided if I would be resting or hiding.

I went.

For the first time, I actually managed to arrive before the service started. At least, I arrived in the parking lot before that time. Getting to the pew is a different story. I had wanted to go to the adult Sunday School since Pastor was planning on going through the new liturgy that they started today. I thought that I would have a better chance of following the service if I heard him teach about it. However, the meeting place is downstairs. That means, I would have to go up a set of rather steep stairs to the foyer, down a set of stairs to the classroom, back up the stairs for the service, and then back down the front steps to leave. I finally decided that it was probably best to stick with just the service.

When I arrived, this one family was making its way inside. I had started my journey before them, but they quickly caught up with me. The three little boys race around me, as did the father, until he paused on the steps and watched me shuffle along. He asked if I needed help.

I didn't answer immediately, weighing how I would feel with a strange man's arm around me verses the probability of making it up the front steps without assistance. I do not know him. I am not even sure if I have ever even spoken to him. I do know he has three children and another whose arrival is quite imminent. His wife is in the Wesnesday nooner bible study and is so gregariously open that you cannot help but like her. Still, I do not know him. My, what I would give to know what he thought about my hesitation. Clearly I needed his help and there I was trying to decide whether or not I would accept his offer! How silly, eh?

After shoving down how I really felt, I agreed. Boy, was that a good decision. Four steps from the top, I would have welcomed him throwing me over his shoulder, hauling me the rest of the way, and then tossing me in a pew. We eventually made it inside. Seeing my trembling limbs, he paused to flip oven the Luthern Service Book to the proper page for me and then set it in my lap before joining his family.

After the service, I waited until I saw the man who hosts the Wednesday nooner. As is his wife, J is a very kind and gentle man. Whenever I come to the bible study, he starts clearing space on the table for all my bibles and often pours me a cup of water, remembering that I don't do coffee. [He is also quick to spin the lazy susan if he sees me eyeing the delicious desserts they always have out for us.] A few Sundays ago when my hands were too painful to finish dressing, I asked him to button my cuffs when I arrived at church. He did so immediately (I figured he had plenty experience with his wife's buttons) and offered to help again if I ever needed it. Having his assistance would not be stressful for me. When I asked him for help, his answer was a ready arm. When we got to the steps, he asked what he should do. When I told him that if he went first it would be easier, he responded that that made so much sense. Mostly, he chatted away while I huffed and puffed.

When we got to my car, he told me that he wanted to give me his cell phone number so that if I arrived at church and there was no one to help me, I could call him. He said he would start leaving his phone on vibrate instead of turning it off so that he could be of service. I was so startled by the offer, I found myself pulling out my phone without thinking about it. Upon seeing my green Centro, he grew very excited, whipped out his Treo, and very excitedly beamed me his information! A techie geek as well as a kind man! [Oh, he and his wife also own what very well may be the tastiest pizza joint in the area.]

So, what about the sermon? It most certainly was another time of Christ practically yelling at me from the pulpit. Is that irrevent? I do not mean it to be. I found the sermon disturbing and comforting and challenging. [In one bit, I was distracted for a moment because I thought Pastor's smallest seed metaphor for Christ was simply beautiful from a literary standpoint. He is a most talented writer apart from being a true shephard.] But the rest was as if Christ was reading my heart and telling me its secrets, all the while pouring His Grace and Mercy upon me. Wednesday night was such a dark one for me. Today was a welcome balm for my heart.

I am glad I went.

Again, I am including the sermon below, hoping that it will serve you as it has me:

Jesu Juva

“Rest in His Promise”
Text: Ezekiel 17:22-24; 2 Corinthians 5:1-17; Mark 4:26-34

Grace, mercy, and peace to you from God our Father, and from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Amen.

St. Paul wanted to leave this world. Life wasn’t easy for him, and the thought of leaving all this pain and trouble behind sure sounded good. He was tired of the opposition, the persecution, of being in prison. Yes, even the man most people call the greatest missionary of all time, was at times frustrated and disappointed. And like many of the patriarchs and prophets who came before him, he looked to God and to heaven and thought that looked pretty good, compared to what he was going through here.

You know what he meant. You have probably felt the same way, at some point, maybe even now. You look around at all that is going on in the world, you look around at all that is going on in your life, you look around at all that is going on in the church - all the fighting, all the problems, all the pain and trouble - and the thought of leaving all this behind sure sounds good. Its tempting, isn’t it?

Yes, tempting is exactly what it is. A temptation from the devil, dressed in pious white wishes. For while you may think that wanting to leave this world and go to heaven shows your faith, in reality it doesn’t so much show your faith as much as it reveals your doubt - your doubt about what God is doing now, even in the midst of frustration and disappointment. Uncertainty about His promises and care. Questions about what He is doing in you and through you. We must be careful what we wish for. Our wishes are not always good. But God and His promises are.

That’s why St. Paul, after talking about his groaning and longing then says: we are of good courage. Courage born of faith in the promises of God. That though we are tired, though we are weak, though we are frustrated and disappointed, none of those things nullify the promises of God. And so not to what we see, but to those promises, we cling. Those promises which give us the courage and strength to go on. Or as someone once said: “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.””

One of those promises is contained in the parables told by Jesus today. Jesus didn’t use the word “promise” in those verses, but the promise is there. And the promise is this: that the Word of God, scattered as seed on the ground, will grow. Though we may not see it, or know how, and it may take longer than we want, it will grow. And even the smallest seed of God’s Word can grow into the largest and strongest of trees. The seed that has been sown into your heart, and the seed that is scattered through your mouths, carries with it this promise.

And if you need an example of this, look no farther than Jesus Himself. Was there ever a smaller seed planted in this world than He? Planted in a young virgin who nobody knew or cared about, who lived in a backwater town, who lived and grew up as a carpenter’s son, and who even when He began His public ministry didn’t seem to be very successful. His twelve closest followers were not very educated or steadfast, the religious establishment was against Him, and for all His efforts He just wound up on the wrong side of the Roman government and so hung up on a cross. And yet from such a small beginning, the Church has grown to survive threat and persecution and our own sinful stupidity, and envelope the world! Just as Jesus said, the tree of the cross has become the largest of trees, and people from every nation, race, and language have made their home in its shade.

Now, I know what you’re thinking . . . that’s Jesus! Of course He grew and what He did grew! But, O Christian, do you not know that it is the same Jesus working now? The Word of God made flesh and planted in Bethlehem is the same Word of God which now comes and is planted in you in Holy Baptism. The same Spirit that descended on Jesus at His baptism descended on you at your baptism. And so the Word of God is growing in you. It may be small, it may be slow, you may not even feel it or realize it - but it is growing. Growing and producing the fruits of faith in your life. Yes, it’s Jesus! And just as sure and inevitable as His death and resurrection for you, is now His death and resurrection in you. Or as St. Paul put it: “We regard no one according to the flesh” - that is, according to outward appearance; which includes how you regard yourself. For “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away [death]; behold, the new has come [resurrection].” So, perhaps we could say, that as much as you may want to leave this life and go to heaven, you have something even better: for in Jesus, heaven has come down to you!

Now, the devil does not want you to know that, of course, and so is constantly seeking to blind you to the work of God in the world and in you; to blind you to His Word and promises; to blind you so that he can lead you into despair. To think that you are useless and no good, and that there is nothing you can do. You are too weak and doubt-filled and sorry.

But you know what? He’s been whispering that same lie into the ears of Christians for thousands of years. To Moses and Abraham, to Elijah and Jeremiah, to Paul and Luther. And in a sense, he’s right. The kernel of truth to his lie is that yes, on our own, we can do nothing. Quite right. But we are not on our own. The Word of God which has been given to you and is working in you and through you is powerful and active and living and growing. And it is not dependent upon you and your eloquence and abilities - but on the One whose Word it is. On the One who inhabits that Word and promised to be in that Word. Our Saviour, who is working that all may come to the knowledge of the truth and be saved.

We heard that assurance and promise from God through the prophet Ezekiel this morning as well. He, too, spoke of the great tree that God would plant and grow - which we have already said is Christ and His cross and His Church. And then these words of promise at the end: “I am the Lord; I have spoken, and I will do it.”

Armed with that promise: “I will do it”, we have the courage to face each day. To rest in the shadow of the cross. Rest, which does not mean doing nothing! But living the lives and callings our gracious Father has given to us in the confidence and trust that He is working through us. In ways seen and unseen. In ways both big and small. You need not worry or despair when you have His promise.

And armed with that promise, the love of Christ [then] controls us. Which is good news! For with those words, Paul is not burdening you, telling you: Make sure the love of Christ controls you! No, he is telling you a reality - a reality anchored in the death and resurrection of Jesus. For what is the love of Christ? It is the love that caused Him to come down from heaven and to live and die for you, and the love that causes Him still to come down from heaven and to feed you here with His body and blood, to forgive your sins, and to strengthen your faith. That love given to you is the love that now controls you; the love that causes you to get up and go out each day to live and die for others. To serve them in your callings. To scatter the seed of the Word with your mouth. And to rest under the cross all through the day, knowing that our Lord has promised to work through you and through His Word. We need not know how, or when. We simply cling to His promise, and rest in it.

Until the day when Jesus keeps His promise to come one last time for you, to harvest you and take you to heaven. We don’t know when that day will come for any of us - maybe for you, not soon enough! But until He does, we simply cling to His promise, and rest in it. For while its not wrong to want to be in heaven, know, as St. Paul said, that you are already a new creation. You don’t have to wait! Christ is with you even now. His Word is sure and true. His I forgive you means you are forgiven. His I am with you means you are never alone. And His you are mine, well, means just that. Even in the midst of this world of sorrow and tears.

You may be only a small seed in this great big world, but what great things God is doing in you and through you. So do not despair, but rest in His promise: “I am the Lord; I have spoken, and I will do it.”

In the Name of the Father, and of the (+) Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Now the peace of God which passes all understanding, keep your hearts and minds through faith in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Amen.