Today was another lessoning!  Always good.  Often hard.

We did not crack the Book of Concord, which again makes me despair of ever getting to that which distresses me.  Perhaps, though, I should blame myself for I asked two questions about prayer that cropped up in the Wednesday evening bible study lessons.  Those questions and the tangents thereof took all the time he had for me.  There was one bit, however, that was pretty important:

One of the scriptural references from the bible study was James 1:6-7.  I saw only the Law.  Oh, how I know well my sin.  I knew I was a sinner, I just didn't know the fullness of that state.  I still do not.  But I know more my doubts and my fears and the ways in which I have not trusted as I should.  So, I read these verses in condemnation, despite the promise (yes, Pastor, you read that one right) of Romans 8:1 that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  How do you reconcile James 1:6-7 with Romans 8:1?

I still do not have that answer, but Pastor made a comment that gave me pause, gives me pause:  Prayer is always based on who God is, not who we are.

In learning to pray the Psalter, I have learned of the magnificence of the Living Word in a way I could not have fathomed.

Within those prayers are all the conditions of the human experience, all our hopes and fears, all our triumphs and failures.  If not the specific act, we are given the outpouring of our hearts in such a time.  So, while there is not, to be rather blunt, a Psalm on rape, for example, there are many on anguish, despair, sorrow, and confusion.

Within those prayers are all the promises of God, all of what He has done, is doing, and will do.  His gifts to us--mercy, grace, and an everlasting, steadfast, unconditional love--are poured out upon us.  His power and might are displayed.  His wisdom is shared. 

One Psalm that has such riches not even a lifetime can contain is 51.  In it, we are given two of the greatest gifts in scripture:  1) that God can, and does, create a clean heart in us sinful, wretched children and 2) that He places the words of our prayers on our lips.  Couple the latter with the promise (yes, there is that word again, Pastor) of Romans 8:26, that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words, and our prayers are made righteous, are complete and whole and true.  Remember the graphic?  Here, too, there are no end-arounds.

Yesterday I read on one of the confessional Lutheran pastors' blog an entry on prayer that inspired rather harsh critique and, yes, condemnation of the prayers of "evangelicals."  I was offended.  I may have joined the Lutheran confession but I do not believe that all prayers of the Protestant churches from which I came were natter, nay footle.  I believe those commenters were wrong, not only in their judgment, but in their rather elitist separation from their brothers and sisters in Christ.  After all, those "evangelicals" have the same promises that God will arrange their prayers on their lips and the Spirit will intercede for them.

I do believe the heritage of prayer is sadly missing in those Protestant churches I attended.  I have found such riches in the prayers I hear Pastor speak in the Liturgy, in those I read as a part of the same.  In the prayers in the Treasury of Daily Prayer.  In the writings of the church fathers.  They are words grounded in the pure teaching of Scripture.  They are based upon a thorough understanding of a right relationship between man and God.  They speak of mercy and forgiveness, of Law and Gospel.  I find value in the prayers Pastor has written for me.  I learn from these prayers. I am covered by them.  To discard them in favor of only spontaneous prayer is to leave by the wayside a treasure that can sustain, enrich, and give life.

To discredit, disdain, and disregard spontaneous prayer is to do the same.  After all, are not the words of the Psalter the outpouring of the heart?  There is a fellowship that comes with setting aside the self, with standing bare before God, with holding hands and together crying out to Him for mercy and forgiveness, for peace and healing.  To lift up another is to take up his burden.  To cover another is to help carry her cross.  I miss that fellowship. I do.



Pastor did not bless me before he left.  I wanted to stop him and ask him to do so.  I did not.


This morning, I slept until Pastor called to tell me that he was on his way and I fell asleep not long after he left.  I am tired.  I wish I knew why, but taking two days off to make a long weekend last week in order to catch up on some sleep did not help the fatigue that has been dragging at my bones.  Madeleine slept with me because she was traumatized shortly after Pastor left.

The vet has yet to determine why but she regularly loses her blood feathers.  This can be very dangerous because a bird can bleed to death fairly quickly.  It is, however, always quite painful.  Quite.  She was preening herself when one feather came out part way.  For over ten minutes, she screeched in pain.  Usually, she flaps her wings enough to dislodge the feather or pulls it out herself, but this time she could not.  I finally managed to pull the feather out for her and pinch the wound shut until it could clot.  Poor baby.  I wish I knew what her problem is.

Afterward, she was a bit clingy, which is unusual for my skittish little girl.  So, she remained with me while I slept away the next five hours. 

When I awoke, I played the hymns again and have been listening to them ever since.  I had wanted to ask Pastor to sing and record the other three for tomorrow, but felt to ask would be a bit greedy.  I did do far better at the 90 minutes he would prefer to keep our lessonings to than before.  What he did record is the Psalm I asked him to read at the beginning of the lesson.  Psalm 103 is one I need to hear over and over, one I chose for today because I wanted the words of mercy and forgiveness poured over me.

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
The LORD performs righteous deeds
And judgments for all who are oppressed.
He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the sons of Israel.
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.
For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.
As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting 
on those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children's children,
To those who keep His covenant
And remember His precepts to do them.
The LORD has established His throne in the heavens,
And His sovereignty rules over all.
Bless the LORD, you His angels,
Mighty in strength, who perform His word,
Obeying the voice of His word!
Bless the LORD, all you His hosts,
You who serve Him, doing His will.
Bless the LORD, all you works of His,
In all places of His dominion;
Bless the LORD, O my soul!