What I deserve...

I am writing this before I learn if the choice I made was a good one. I am writing this before because the making of a choice, I think, was good in and of itself.  I want to remind myself of that before I know now it turns out.

Over the course of two weeks now, the man from whom I purchased firewood all last winter stood me up.  Three times, I called him and he choose a time to come drop off another load of wood for me.  Three times, he did not show up.  Three times, he did not call.  Three times, I had to call him to see why he did not show up and ask for another appointment for delivery.

A part of me finds his behavior rude and unprofessional...utterly disrespectful and rather inconsiderate.  A part of me find his behavior merely what one like me deserves.  Who am I?  Why should I matter to him?  Why should my time be important?  Why should my need be a consideration?  Why should he even worry about making his appointment with me?  Clearly, he did not.  Customers are a dime a dozen.  You can choose the ones you wish to serve.  Clearly, he did not choose me.

I set up another time for him to come.  And then...


...and then I called him back yesterday. I told him that I was choosing to find another source of firewood because I needed someone upon whom I could depend on for service.  He was angry with me.  He tried to tell me that he had done his very best and that I needed to understand he had other things on his plate.  I told him that if I am to be someone's customer, I expect at least the courtesy of a call to cancel an appointment and some sort of effort to arrange another appointment.  I also told him that I expected it not to take two weeks to have a load of wood delivered.  He was speechless.  Well, there was some sputtering.

He then said something that has been bothering me...It doesn't matter; it's just wood.  To me, it isn't just wood.  To me, it is peace and rest, a sure way to soothe my spirit. He doesn't have to understand that.  He doesn't even have to know.  I am still a customer.  Shouldn't I be treated as if I matter to his business at least?

Am I expecting too much?  Have I been expecting too little?

So, in a few short hours, new Firewood Man will be coming.  I am hoping he shows up. I am hoping his offering is actually seasoned wood. I am hoping it is the same quantity as before.  I am hoping he is a safe person to have in my presence.  And I am hoping he will be a regular source of wood for me.

Shut up. | Be still. | Wait until it is over.  I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to be that anymore.  To me, chasing after a firewood man who regularly misses delivery times and doesn't bother to call, who leaves me to track him down, to keep calling when he doesn't bother to return my calls, is doing that, being that...just in a different way.

I keep telling myself...it doesn't matter whether or not the new person shows up. I keep telling myself what matters is that I stopped thinking such poor service is what I deserve and went looking for someone who would respect me as a customer, if not as a person.


I am Yours, Lord.  Save me!