What comes next...

During a particularly bad spell this morning, I tried to pray the Lord's Prayer.  Only, part way through, I realized that I did not remember what came next.  In the moment, I was surprised and afraid.  I then tried to pray the Apostle's Creed.  I could not get past the second line.  What comes next?

The blankness in my mind when I try to remember is utterly terrifying.  It is a nothingness that is so complete and so disconcerting.  I become lost in the moment, in the struggle to remember that results in more nothingness.

I tried and tried to remember.  I started at the beginning again and again.  Bits and pieces of other things slipped into place behind my start, but none of them fit.  A Psalter line here and a bit of liturgy there.  Try as I might, I could not pray either.

Tears streaming down my face, I ended up sputtering out the Kyrie Eleison over and over.

I admit, today, I dared not try to pray either.  I didn't want to know if I could remember or not, if the loss was fleeting or not.


I am Yours, Lord.  Save me!