I have been running a fever, complete with aches and chills. And, of course, I have been tired. Really and truly tired. How tired you might ask?

Well, at the risk of revealing too much information, I shall admit that I went to work wearing my pajama tank beneath my blouse instead of a bra. Somehow, I rolled out of bed and started flinging on clothing and forgot to remove one item and put on that all important one.

One day in early summer, I was so tired that I wore one brown shoe and one black shoe to work.

This was worse.

Apart from the fatigue, I also found myself missing Uncle D most heartily this day. Such a kind man was he. Every time I sent him a photo, he would shoot back some silly, sweet comment on what a beautiful woman I was or a cute girl. Always positive. Always loving.

I eshew photos most assuredly. I do so because for years photos of me have been picked apart by my family--something my mother had down to a fine art. See how fat you look? That's why I think you should lose weight. You'll look better without that double chin peaking out there. If you would just do something with your hair you might look better. It got to the point that I refused to be in photos and cried over the ones that were taken. So ugly. Such an embarassment.

Well, I have been trying to set aside the mirror my family holds up and become more willing to take photos with my friends and those who are dear to me. I even most bravely posted those two of my photos here. Something quite unheard of heretofore. So, I shared a photo with a friend of my new bangs. Her response hurt more than I can write. The photo has been deleted and all resolve to turn that leaf has disappeared.

All this day I thought about the response I would have gotten from Uncle D, alterately smiling and holding back tears. I wondered if I sent it to Cousin D if he would have picked up the mantle of encouragment from his father, but I did not want to take the risk...nor did I wish to remind him of his loss.

I miss him...