T is here! I get to celebrate her birthday with her for the first time in our friendship. The best part of this day, this week, was being greeted with a great bit hug and a wide, loving smile. The worst? Well, that came with laughing with her while watching The Bonnie Hunt Show.

Bonnie Hunt has a new day-time talk show that I enormously enjoy. She is funny and honest and down-to-earth. Learning that she used to be an oncology nurse explains a lot. While some parts are corny and some are awkward, all are genuine. There is no pretense. Plus, much of her crew are long time friends, so watching is just like hanging out in her living room. In short, the show makes me feel a bit less lonely.

For the past two weeks, I have taped it and watched it first thing after leaving the battle that is work.

I wanted to share it with T and was delighted to see that she found the show both humorous and engaging as well. Sharing that experience was so fulfilling until...until crossing reached the tipping point of my laughter and slid down into the terror that is an asthma attack. I could be wrong, but I am fairly sure that is T's first experience with my attacks.

The one constant in my life, since I have met her, is knowing that there is one person who compassion for me is so great that she would willingly exchange places were that possible.

Of course, her first response, after she got over watching me struggling, jamming a huge needle in my leg, and breathing in vapors (that VMT nebulizer is soooooo wonderful), was to suggest that perhaps I should not watch a show that makes me laugh.

Is she right? Should I eschew all thing humorous? Is that really the life I have? Laughter kills?

She is off to bed, with the sweet dreams of sleeping in for the first time in six years. Once my heart stops pounding in my chest and my limbs stop trembling, I shall join her in slumber. Once the powerful drugs that ease my breathing stop wreaking havoc on the rest of my body I shall do so.

Still, my heart is heavy. With everything else that I battle, why is it that laughter must be my enemy?