Another day that has provided much food for thought...

This morning had not the best start for I awoke screaming from the worst nightmare I have ever had. I am used to dreaming about my past, but this time my overwhelming hunger for the alter was a part of the dream in a rather sick fashion. I couldn't stop sobbing when I awoke. I know it was not real, but it certainly felt so.

Because of this, I was late arriving at church and trying to discern where we were in the service was difficult for me. Mostly because I was still thinking about the dream and wishing that I had arrived in time for the confession/absolution opening. My godmother did dump A into my arms pretty quickly, so I at least had the absolute pleasure of holding a baby. You know, considering how dependent we are on God, holding a helpless infant is a pretty fantastic basis for listening to teaching about the Gospel.

Pastor D's sermon was on how God is able, able in a way that we are not. We strive to be able, but all we do is fail. Why do we do so when He is able?

Able to create all things with only His Word.
Able to send great floods to cover the earth, and then able to make those same waters recede.
Able to create great nations from an old man and a barren woman.
Able to use men bent on sin to nevertheless accomplish great things.
Able to defeat giants and mighty armies and walled cities.
Able to raise up shepherds to be prophets and kings.
Able to feed a multitude of people in the desert with manna, and later with only five loaves of bread and two fish.
Able to cleanse lepers.
Able to give eyes to the blind and ears to the deaf.
Able to give legs to the crippled and life to the dead.
He is the God who is able.
Who is able for you.
Paul wants you to know that, and believe it. So do you? Do you believe that? That God is able?

The full sermon is below, a read that ought to trouble your waters as it has mine. Perhaps if we praised God more then we might remember how great He is more. Perhaps if we cease trying to reduce Him to the constraints of our lives we might remember that He is the one who created them in the first place. Surely a Creator is greater than anything crafted by His hands.

It is with some frustration with myself that I admit I left again as communion was beginning. Frankly, just seeing the cloth covering the bread and the wine the entire service is difficult. Juggling A, who was fussy from a dirty diaper (I changed it) and then from trying to nurse (I cannot help her there), provided a distraction from the fact that this day marks exactly 7 months since I became overwhelmed with a longing to stand at the alter. This ungrateful wretch finds no comfort in my one-time special dispensation Lord's Supper. It was not enough. I do believe the wait is worth the strain of longing, but I wish that I were better at waiting. I am growing worse at it. Much, much worse.

When I arrived home, I actually sat down and tried to figure out how to navigate the Treasury of Daily Prayer. I'd give myself a D+, mostly for effort. I was feeling quite confident after reading steps 1-6. Step 7 begins with "find a quiet place to pray." Well, given that all my doctrine study books and bibles are next to the couch, I was staying put. Then the complex color instructions (there are five ribbons, each of a different color) started and boy, was I lost!

My rather prosaic godmother had suggested that I stick with the red and the yellow ribbons. Heeding her advice, I quickly abandoned the futile effort of trying to follow those "steps" and just read. Then I started in on praying the Psalms again:

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners,
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season
And its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers.
The wicked are not so,
But they are like chaff which the wind drives away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
Nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
For the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
But the way of the wicked will perish.

~Psalm 1

Now, can you not hear Christ praying those words, teaching us through them? Oh, my, is this time through the Psalms going to be enlightening! I know that I should try to explain viewing them as being Christ's words more fully, but I have to admit that although I have read the treatise a second time, I am not that much closer to being able to teach that which I am reading. You could say that I am just going on faith here (double entendre intended).

This afternoon was the ordination and installation of one of the seminary students St. Athanasius has been sponsoring. His call happened to be to a Lutheran Church not far from ours (Can I really call it mine yet if I am still not allowed at the alter?), so I went to the service because I wanted to see what happens during an ordination and I wanted to support ANYONE who is stepping into the Office of a Confessional Lutheran pastor.

The Good first:

The sermon was really, really interesting to me. I would like to get a copy of it, should Pastor be able to work his contacts, because I would like to ponder it more. I did take notes, but I also had trouble following his message. You might think this is because he gave in chunks, first in Chinese, then in English. But the real reason is that I kept thinking about Pastor's sermon, about all that undershepherd stuff, and the fact that this pastor was really, really hammering home just exactly like a sheep I am, but worse. As he put it, sheep are not stupid enough to go around trying to be what they are not: the shepherd. We have a perfect Shepherd, who is able, and yet we still try to herd our own lives. SIGH.

There were fourteen other pastors there, by my count, aside from the one leading the service! Oh, my, have I been enlightened as to why Pastor calls them his brothers and absolutely cherishes his time with them and just what "family" means to Confessional Lutherans. All those comments of "Welcome to the family!" I heard at my baptism blossomed in my mind and heart in a way I had not fathomed before.

Every one of the brother pastors gave a blessing to the new pastor. Watching them I started weeping for the beauty of the moment. The most common theme was a charge to never be ashamed of the Gospel, something that we all need to hear daily, given the state of our society and the rather distressingly negative view towards Christianity in America. The one that struck me the most was a charge to remember that the Grace he would be preaching about, giving to his flock, was also meant for him. I wonder if Pastor manages to remember that.

Listening to the new pastor agree to the tenants of the faith and his vow to teach pure doctrine, to shepherd his flock, and to offer them pastoral care (I'm lumping lots of stuff together here...it was, after all, a two-hour service) was heady for me, especially the mention of the Augsburg Confession. It was as if we were all transported back 400 years or so to stand with all the Evangelicals (Lutherans) then and say, "We believe! I believe!"

My fellow Athansians all came to greet me at the end of the service. One of the men from the evening bible study bent over, looked closely at my face, knew something was wrong, and asked me what he could do. Given that he is well into the gloaming of his life, I would have knocked him down had I asked for help. Instead I asked him if he would mind fetching Pastor. Before heading off, leaving his lovely bride at my side wondering what the hurry was, he briefly, ever so lightly touched my forehead. Strange. I am not sure we have ever so much as shaken hands coming or going from bible study. Somehow he knew I was in distress. It was a sweet moment. Before setting off to find her husband, his wife mentioned that she had never been to an ordination. She actually shared my awe of the experience. She a Lutheran of many decades!

My new scripture memory partner plopped down in the pew in front of me and listened to my recitation before reciting for me. For me, she spoke those words, emphasizing them as God would have had He been there. I was so touched and moved and thankful for this woman who is willing to help me with my desire to try to memorize scripture despite my cheese-hole brain. This is no rote task for her. She made it special. I savor that moment, the unexpected benignity of hearing those words spoken for me, even now as I type this.

Now The Bad:

About an hour into the service, I knew that I was not well. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At first I thought it was because the church was a bit tepid in temperature despite running the air-conditioning. But I have become firmly convinced that the fatal decision on my part was to drive there in a stinking hot car. I did not give doing so a second thought. While the car never cooled down despite the half-hour drive, I had the air-conditioning on the entire time. Walking from the handicapped spot--which was not even close to being in proximity of the door--in the hot sun did feel a bit too much for me. But I did not give that a second thought either. I should have turned my car on and let it cool down before I left. Or, perhaps, I should not have gone.... Why is it that trying to get fed by the Word has to be so very disastrous?

Once again, I had to ask Pastor to drag me to the car, taking up his time and spoiling his opportunity to fellowship with his brothers and to congratulate the new one. And then there was the fact that he seemed to be a bit impatient with playing crutch once again. Time to go. Let's get up! To be fair, I do not believe he was aware of just how ill I felt. Being in another church, I was working hard to put on a brave front. I did, perhaps, roll my eyes or at least look incredulously at him when he suggested I make my way to the front of the church while he went to change his clothes (divest himself of his robes). Are you crazy? Can you not see I am working very hard just to remain upright? I wanted to ask. But I did not. Why should I expect him to be his usually cheerful self when he is having to haul me to the car, to the house, up or down the stairs? If I am heartily sick of being weak and getting battered by this disease while I am out, how much more so he must be because he does not live with it and I am, at least currently, most assuredly the most trying member of his flock. DOUBLE SIGH.

[While shuffling along, Pastor pointed out that I had an error in my post yesterday (the correction has been made). It was his mother who passed away, not his wife's. He then went on to say that the bible L uses during the nooner is actually their family bible. While on their honeymoon, he gave her a gift each day. That bible was the first gift. Always during school and when they can manage their schedules during summer, Pastor and his wife get their children up and then everyone feeds on the Word together before having breakfast and continuing on with their days. I think that is so incredibly wonderful.]

[For the record, he also believes in the post two days ago I should not have merely written that Christians need to be bathed in the Gospel during worship. Not just worship was his comment; they actually need to be bathed daily. While I agree (as you probably would guess given how much I crave being read aloud to from the bible), I was specifically noting the absence of Gospel in so very many churches. Even if you study the Gospel on your own at home, I believe it is paramount that you be fed on Sundays...having walked away from church services rather hungry the majority of the past 31 years.]

Driving home was utterly frightening. I had napped in the car with the air set to Arctic for nearly an hour before leaving. While I felt stronger as we set out (I was following Pastor because I had never previously entered the beltway--my nemesis--from the direction we were at), I realized too late that the wet noodle status I felt was greatly affecting my arms. Holding the steering wheel in the correct position was more work than I could actually manage the longer I drove down the highway. So, despite my non-speeding status, I hung out in the left lane where veering out of my lane repeatedly was made somewhat moot by the fact that I kept swerving onto the shoulder. I lowered the steering wheel to rest on my knees to help hold it steady, and then I called my godmother so that she could pray and talk me home.

[Had even one of my blasted brain cells been working at the time, I could have asked my new scripture memory partner TM to drive me home since she was there with her husband. They practically have to drive past my home to get to theirs. It would not have been too much of a burden for them to help. I am so very stupid at times. I do not even qualify for sheep status!]

I made it home, got inside, and let Kashi out to do his business. When I went to close the door after he returned inside, I fell. One moment I had two working legs. The next I had but one. I fell and hit my head rather hard against the tile floor of the kitchen. JW was still talking away, having not heard the less-than-polite words that spouted from my mouth. I lay on the floor during the rest of our call. I know she felt badly that she had to go shortly thereafter since all four children were hollering their needs by that point, but I am used to being alone when I am ill. I hate it, but I am used to it. I stayed on the floor for another three hours before the dizziness abated enough so that I could crawl to the couch, where I remain now and probably will be still be come morning. I really, really, really need to not hit my head again anytime soon.

The veritable nugget of her call was to tell me that while my godfather was rather impressed with my truly erudite Dr. D assessment letter that I had crafted, he had not really wanted me to come over to last night because he thought it was more important that I rest from the asthma attacks and that he thought I should not have been at church since I was up so late crafting that rather spectacular letter filled with a plethora of truly adroit points illuminating their son's academic progress. [The pleonastic words in there are mine.] Apparently, he is taking to this "fathering" role rather heartily! Would it be altogether too old-fashioned for me to admit that hearing his concern warmed the cockles of my heart?

So, I come full circle to Pastor's sermon. When telling us exactly how able God is, he reminded us that God is able:

To keep us going when we are tired and it all seems to much for us.
To lift us up when we are frustrated and there seems to be no hope.
To speak His Word of forgiveness when our sins seem too much.
To comfort us when we are downtrodden and show us different feet - not the ones walking all over us, but the feet nailed to the cross for us.

For it is when we take our eyes and our faith off of the God who is able, and place them on ourselves that the storms seem too much for us, too great for us, too powerful for us. Because it’s true: they are. Way too much for us. But not for the God who is able!

God is able to hold me even when stuck on the kitchen floor. His Gospel is able to break through even the maelstrom that has sprung up out of tearing apart the specious lessons of my past. His Word can speak to me, thousands of years after it was penned, because He is still writing that Word on my heart, on our hearts, this day. Pastor never once said that God was able to do things. Always he said God is able. For there is no past tense with God, the Great I AM.

Help me remember, Lord, when I cannot, that You are able.

Pastor's Sermon:

Jesu Juva

“The God Who is Able”
Text: Mark 6:45-56; Ephesians 3:14-21; Genesis 9:8-17

Grace, mercy, and peace to you from God our Father, and from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Amen.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think.

St. Paul wrote those words to the Ephesians. He proclaimed them today to you. That they then, and you today, might know: our God is the God who is able.

Able to create all things with only His Word.
Able to send great floods to cover the earth, and then able to make those same waters recede.
Able to create great nations from an old man and a barren woman.
Able to use men bent on sin to nevertheless accomplish great things.
Able to defeat giants and mighty armies and walled cities.
Able to raise up shepherds to be prophets and kings.
Able to feed a multitude of people in the desert with manna, and later with only five loaves of bread and two fish.
Able to cleanse lepers.
Able to give eyes to the blind and ears to the deaf.
Able to give legs to the crippled and life to the dead.
He is the God who is able.
Who is able for you.
Paul wants you to know that, and believe it. So do you? Do you believe that? That God is able?

Then why don’t you live like it? Why don’t you act like it when storms come your way? Big storms, powerful storms, mighty storms, havoc-wreaking storms, life-turning-upside-down storms. Why do we think at those times that God is not able? That these things are too big for us . . . for Him.

For that is what we are saying when we give up. That God is not able.
Not able to fix my marriage.
Not able to help my friend.
Not able to give me hope.
Not able to provide what I need.
Not able to rescue.
God is not able.

That is also what we are saying when we think we have to do it. That God is not able. Or that He is not willing. If it’s going to be its up to me. Have you heard that little ditty? It doesn’t take long for that attitude to crush you. It is a most heavy weight to bear. Like the disciples, trying to make headway against a most powerful wind. Ever feel that way? That all your efforts are getting you nowhere . . . and the storm’s just gonna win anyway?

Repent. Repent of your unbelief. Repent and consider what happened to the disciples. The disciples who were Joes and Schmoes just like you and me. Not understanding, hardened of heart, often frightened and confused. Consider not what they did, but rather what happened to them. For Jesus happened to them. Jesus, who they did not think was with them, but they thought was ghost - unreal. Jesus, who meant to pass them by, but who in compassion could not, but came to them who without Him had no hope. Not because they asked, because they didn’t. But because He knew. And to give life is why He came.

And so he spoke to them and said, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”

Now, I have to get a little technical on you here, to help you understand exactly what this means. For when Mark says: “he spoke to them and said” he is not being repetitious, but actually uses two different verbs for speaking there - the first (“he spoke”) is used for the proclamation of God’s Word, the second (“and said”) for human speech. And so from a human mouth and human lips comes a divine and living Word; a divine and living Word which does what it says. The same divine and living Word that spoke in creation, that gave these same seas their boundaries, now speaks into the ears and hearts of frightened disciples. To work in them. To create in them what was not there before.

And what is created by this Word? Faith. They can “take heart” and “no longer be afraid” because, Jesus says: “it is I.” Now, here’s where I have to get technical again, because that’s a lousy translation. What Jesus actually says is: I AM. That is the Divine Name of the Old Testament. The name so holy it could not be uttered by human lips. The name told to Moses when he asked what God’s name was. The name which tells us that God is unchangeable - He is never an I WAS or an I WILL BE, He is always I AM. Dependable, unchangeable, the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Heb 13:8)

Or in other words, putting that all together, Jesus comes to them in the midst of life and says: Take heart, or be of good courage. The God who created the world and these seas and you and all things, is with you, here, in my flesh. You no longer have to be afraid. And then, just to prove that point, when He gets into the boat with them, the wind, the storm, ceases. Utterly.

For He is the God who is able.
Our Saviour who is able and does not give up on us - even if, at times and mired in sin, we give up on Him.
Our Saviour who is the eternal, unchangeable God and does not change His mind. Who said to you in Holy Baptism “You are mine” (Is 43:1) - and so you are.
Our Saviour who speaks to us and says; who speaks, and it is done. Who still today speaks divine words through human mouths. Words that give faith. Words that forgive. Words that give what we need.
For He is the God who is able for you. Not absent in the storms; not passing you by; not a ghost - an unreal figment of a disturbed mind. But in the boat with you. In human flesh, for you.

To keep us going when we are tired and it all seems to much for us.
To lift us up when we are frustrated and there seems to be no hope.
To speak His Word of forgiveness when our sins seem too much.
To comfort us when we are downtrodden and show us different feet - not the ones walking all over us, but the feet nailed to the cross for us.

For it is when we take our eyes and our faith off of the God who is able, and place them on ourselves that the storms seem too much for us, too great for us, too powerful for us. Because it’s true: they are. Way too much for us. But not for the God who is able!

And so He comes to us that our eyes and our faith be focused on Him.
On Him for whom nothing is too great, too powerful, too overwhelming.
On Him who was born of a virgin’s womb.
On Him who battled the temptations of the devil in the wilderness.
On Him who was hated and scorned yet returned only love and compassion.
On Him who took the sin of the world on Himself, that it be on Him and not on you.
On Him who died your death on the cross that He might burst the bonds of death and the grave.
On Him who descended into hell, storming its gates and declaring His victory.
On Him who rose on the third day and ascended into heaven, to pave the way for you.
On Him who often looked defeated but was never defeated.
Can He not overcome what is bearing upon you who are heavy laden and give you rest? (Matt 11:28)
Is He not with you - He who said I am with you always? (Matt 28:20)Is He not able?

Take heart! He is with you as He promised. With His Word, with His mighty forgiveness, with His victory, with His flesh and blood. Perhaps there are times when it seems as if He is not, or that He is passing you by. Perhaps He is not working for us as we want. But faith clings not to what seems to be and not to what we want, but to the Word and promise of Him who is able - and not only able, but who keeps every Word and promise. That’s kind of faith is not easy. But He is able to do what we are unable to do.

For take note of what happens next in the story - people, Mark says, come flocking to Jesus to touch even the hem of His garment. But is that what happened? Or has Jesus come to them, that they might touch the hem of His garment? For has not the God who is able, come into our flesh and blood, to do this very thing? Come to us that we may be saved?

And so He has come here this day, to you and me, for you and me. Clothed not in garments of cloth, but clothed in bread and wine, that our hungry souls and sin-parched mouths may feed on Him and touch Him and be healed. Healed of our sins. Healed of our doubts and fears. Healed of our death . . . that we may live.

When you take a look around in this congregation, it doesn’t take much imagination to see a crowd like those on the shore of Lake Gennesaret - people tired and sick and hurting and struggling and much in need of help. People who look defeated by the troubles of life and our struggles with them.

But we are not defeated! Because we are not alone. Because the God who is able is with us in the person of Jesus Christ. With His life-giving cross and powerful resurrection, and with His forgiveness, life, and salvation that flow from it. And so however that cross manifests itself in your life, it is not defeat, but the path to victory and life. Not your path, to be sure! Not the path you would have chosen for yourself. But your Saviour’s path. His path for you. The path He trod, and the path He now takes you on, with Him.

And so however the cross manifests itself in your life, you are not alone. Not alone facing the stormy seas. Not alone facing the trials and struggles. Never alone. The One who IS is with you. The great I AM. The One who never changes. The One who is able. Able to create, able to keep, able to save. He will not pass you by. For you are His. And though the way be rough and the storms be huge now, know this: He is the God who is able . . . able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, [therefore] to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Now the peace of God which passes all understanding, keep your hearts and minds through faith in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Amen.