Despite a poor night's sleep, I thought I would attend bible study as well as church. While I was glad to be able to hear good teaching on Genesis again, I am afraid I did not catch much of the lesson. The reason being I was so cold that I really thought I should just go on home.

Sunday School started upstairs in the sanctuary because it was a week they read Matins. [No, I cannot tell you what that is.] I was able to follow some of the readings, but everyone else seemed to know which parts to read and which ones to skip. While you would think that eventually I might know this, too, I am not so confident where that is concerned. Mostly because of the confusion (cognitive dysfunction) I have from the MS.

That I couldn't follow was less of a problem that you would think because I started getting cold...chills running up and down my body cold. Strange for a person who is so hypersensitive to heat, eh?

Once down in the classroom, after a just a short while, all I wanted was for the lesson to be over. I was hoping that if JW came and I could hold A, then the baby would warm me up and I could share the benefit of her blanket! I also kept thinking about the two men who did not have their suit coats on and wishing I dared ask if I could borrow one. After the class was over, I remained in the basement for a while because I was frankly too discouraged to move.

JW was late because of needing to feed A, but after a while she arrived and handed her over to me! Yeah. Warmth! My only disappointment was that JW did not have the heavy blanket with her, so while I had a warm lump on my chest, I had goosebumps upon goosebumps all over the rest of my body. With incessant, successive waves of chills, it was, again, difficult to concentrate.

But, to be honest, part of that difficulty was also how much it bothers me that I cannot partake in the Lord's Supper. [Oh, is catechism teaching going so slow!] You know that I have not been in church much the past few years, little missing the lack of biblical teaching and proclivity to judging people by works. And in most Protestant churches that I have attended, communion is often a sort of afterthought, done once a month or once a quarter, offered to whomever without regard for their beliefs. Yet since Christmas Day, I have longed for communion in a way that I simply cannot express. And I am selfish enough to say Pastor's special dispensation before surgery was simply not enough for me.

Why then attend this church? Sometimes, when I stare with naked longing at the folks standing in line during communion, I ask myself that question. Increasingly of late, I cannot even concentrate enough to sing the hymns during the distribution because I am overwhelmed by how much I want to be sharing in Christ's body and blood, in His blessing to us that is this particular Sacrament. But it really comes down to a bottom line that is double scored: the doctrine and the people.

I agree with Luther and those reformers who strove to set down and agree upon God's Truth four hundred plus years ago. The more I read, the more I agree, if that makes sense. Pastor D has a paper posted to the left of his blog that is quite an interesting read, discussing the primary difference between Calvin and Luther. For all that I have tried to articulate what I am studying, I have failed miserable to do that which the author accomplished so clearly. In a nutshell (translate butchery time here), Calvin teaches that faith depends, in part, on faith. Luther believes faith depends on Christ. A fundamental, radical, life-changing difference.

So, one underscore of that bottom line is the doctrine. St. Athanasius Lutheran Church is a Quia Confessional Lutheran Church.

The other underscore is that it is a church body that stands shoulder-to-shoulder in that confession of belief. Yes, people there struggle with their faith to varying degrees, but they are there because they publicly and openly confess the same belief.

So, while I left today as the communion portion of the service was starting because I just cannot stand to watch it anymore, I still want to attend this church, to continue studying, and to eventually stand with the rest of Pastor's flock. I still want to be there even when I am fairly sure the new year will come before I am finally able to make the trip to the alter. [For the record, Pastor believes otherwise.]

On the drive home, all thirty-three minutes, I kept the air-conditioner off to thaw out my body. Now, this was just not the best decision for me, since that tipping point of being too hot is very difficult to see coming. But I honestly do not know what to do....

After some Googling a while back, I strongly suspect that my thyroid medicine needs to be adjusted to a stronger dose, but I am not sure how to approach the matter with the fill-in primary doctor. After all, she doesn't seem to care about the fact that I've lost so much weight. And even Dr. Garber had to come around a bit on my taking the medicine in the first place because my numbers were only borderline (the surgeon from 2 years ago started me on the medication). She was finally convinced when I tried to stop taking the medication with very much less than positive outcome.

How do I tell the new doctor that last night it took me two and a half hours to warm up enough beneath an Arctic weight down comforter just to fall asleep? How do I tell her that I was so cold in church that I would have gladly welcomed being hugged by all the men in the congregation at the same time? How do I tell her that I essentially made myself ill and faint just trying to warm up today? [I tumbled out of the car and landed rather roughly on the pavement. At least, being unconscious at the time, I didn't feel the fall, just the aftereffects.]

The sermon that I had to revisit once Pastor sent it out is on freedom...another moment of Christ slapping me upside the head from the pulpit. For you know both these prisons - the prison of sin and the prison of suffering.

It is four weeks now, that I have had great burning, stinging, tearing pain in my back. Each day that passes since the second surgery without this changing discourages me. Each day I get closer to having the stitches removed frightens me. Lying on the ground in the park. Falling out of the car. Lonely trips to the ER. Being confused. Being nauseous. Unable to control my body in recovery. Hungering for the alter. Struggling to shed the past. All are prisons to me. I will not even think about some of them being prisons of my own making. Yet either way I am...free in Christ, no matter what the outward situation...as you can see if you read below.

Now, if this strange man of God would only preach a clear lesson on how to get your heart to follow your head!


“The Freedom of a Christian”
Text: Mark 6:14-29

Grace, mercy, and peace to you from God our Father, and from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Amen.

In the Holy Gospel that we heard today, who was in prison?

You will probably tell me John. John the Baptist. And you would not be wrong. King Herod had John seized and bound and thrown into his dungeon.

But now, think some more; think a little deeper. In the Holy Gospel that we heard today, who was in prison?

The answer is: those to whom John preached. For Herod, Herodias, and Herodias’ daughter Salome, were all in the prison house of sin and death. John’s prison was a physical prison that would last only for a time, but the house of Herod was in a spiritual prison that if not stormed and broken down, would last for eternity.

And so John preaches to them, both before he is thrown into prison, and after he is thrown into prison. They are his neighbors, who need his love, who need his preaching, who need his care. They are his neighbors, even after they do him wrong. They are his neighbors, even though they do not consider him as one.

And so John preaches to them, that even as he sits in darkness and chains, they might be set free from their captivity to sin. John preaches to them because, in reality, he is the one who is free. Free in Christ to love and serve. Free in Christ, no matter what the outward situation. Free in Christ to lay down his life for others.

And for his efforts, John is beheaded. And not just beheaded, but made a spectacle of, as his head is put on a platter and given as a bloody gift. But this is not to his shame but to his glory - he is counted worthy of suffering for the name of Jesus Christ.

Which now brings us to you. For you know both these prisons - the prison of sin, and the prison of suffering.

You know the prison of sin, for the truth is that you and your house are not so different from the house of Herod. You know the weight of the chains of sin from which you cannot set yourselves free. You know the darkness of the evil that lurks in your heart. You know the shame of that which seeks to hold you in its captivity. Like the house of Herod, you may look free on the outside, but inside, it’s quite another story, isn’t it?

For what is it with you? What sins have enslaved you? Perhaps they are sins like those of Salome, Herodias’ daughter - those sins you have done for pleasure and delight, but of which now you are ashamed. Perhaps they are sins like those of Herodias, Herod’s illegitimate wife - those sins you have done because of grudges and hatred and anger and revenge. Or perhaps they are sins like those of Herod himself - sins you have done because you wanted what was not yours, or sins you have done because you have feared looking bad in front of your friends more than you have feared looking bad in the eyes of God. And what other sins, for what other reasons?

You know the prison of suffering as well - suffering perhaps even for doing good, like John. Suffering because you have faithfully fulfilled a God-given vocation, like John, but your good was met with hardship, pain, and difficulty. And maybe those God-given vocations of parent or child, boss or worker, student or teacher, friend or neighbor now even feel like prisons themselves. Like great chains weighing you down. Chains from which you would like to be set free. Chains of obligations and commitments and responsibilities, where the good that you would do is met only with ingratitude and even scorn. And all the future looks to hold is more of the same. More demands, more languishing; less joy, less freedom; unfairly treated, unappreciated, and overlooked. Maybe it will even be your head next on the chopping block....

But whether your chains come from your own self-seeking sins or from the self-indulgent sins of others - or both - you have hope. Hope, for the One to whom John pointed, the One of whom He preached, has come. The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. The One who came to fulfill all righteousness. The One who came not to be served, but to serve you, and to give His life to set you free. To set you free from your chains of sin and from your chains of suffering. To give you the freedom of a child of God. Freedom from sin, not freedom for sin. Freedom to serve, not freedom from serving. And the freedom to live, even now - no matter what obstacles stand in your way, no matter what dungeons surround you - knowing that you are not alone, not forgotten, and that your suffering is not in vain.

For the One to whom John pointed, the One of whom He preached, has come. The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world has come, for you. To take the sins that you inflict on others, and to take the sins that others inflict on you. To take the sins of your past, and to take the sins of your future. To take the sins that rob you of life, and to take the sins you think you need to give you life. To take all the sins that weigh you down and imprison you and be the bloody gift that sets you free. For He takes the judgment of sin in your place on the cross. He feels the sting of death and is laid in the grave in your place. He enters the prison house of sin and death with you, for you. That in His resurrection, not only He be free, but you be set free.

And so when Jesus burst the bonds of the grave on the Easter morning, it was as if a whole army came with Him. A whole army of people from every nation, tribe, people, and language set free. Free from sin, free from death, free to now live - to live like our first parents, who did not know sin or death, but only life.

That is the life that has been given to you - the life into which you have been baptized. A life where the judgment of sin and the fear of death have been put away and where the sins of others cannot keep you down because of the power of Jesus’ death and resurrection. A resurrection which is not just a future hope, but a present reality that you get to live now. A present reality every time you hear His Word of forgiveness. A present reality every time you receive the gift of His body and blood. A present reality every time you lay down your life for others, in the sure and certain hope that you cannot give more than Christ has given to you. For the water and blood that flowed from His side are a never-ending banquet feast for you and me - a banquet where the devil does not dance, but where the angels sing, and a whole kingdom is given to you and me. The kingdom of God given to sons and daughters of God. Sons and daughters born of water and the Spirit.

That is the faith that enabled John to preach and serve his neighbor in prison or out of prison. No matter his outward situation, he was free in Christ Jesus.

And that is the faith that now enables you to live, in your God-given stations, whether in prison or out of prison, in suffering or in joy. For no matter your outward situation, you are free in Christ Jesus.

For quite frankly, sometimes, when you stick your neck out for others, your head’s gonna get chopped off! A bloody gift to your neighbor. And if it does, what will you do? Retreat into your shell and into a prison of fear? Or in the forgiveness, love, and life of Christ, be raised to live another day? Another day of freedom. Another day of resurrection. And whether you are counted worthy to suffer for the name of Christ Jesus, or spared from such suffering, thanks be to God! Thanks be to God that no matter what comes your way, you are safe in the ark of the body of Christ Jesus.

So today, John is calling you to repentance and to faith. And today, Jesus is calling you to His Table of forgiveness, life, and salvation. So come now, child of God, and live. And then go, child of God, and live. In freedom. For the Son has set you free. And if the Son sets you free - no matter where you are or what you are - you are free. Free indeed!

In the Name of the Father and of the (+) Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Now the peace of God which passes all understanding, keep your hearts and minds through faith in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Amen.

(Thanks to Rev. Erik Rottmann and Rev. Dr. Rick Stuckwisch for some of the thoughts, words, and inspiration for this sermon.)