What a day!

After this third stab at praying the psalms, I started thinking about how little I truly know about praising God. I am quite good at giving thanks, but I fear that I have let praise slip by the wayside. So, after considering the matter for a while, I got out my guitar that has been sitting neglected for at least three years. I have not a lute or harp or lyre, but I do have a guitar.

Something I should have remembered is that I have no business singing soprano pieces anymore. I do not have the lung capacity to sing as it is, much less carry high notes. About an hour into singing hymns and praise songs from Scripture, I found myself lying on the floor, having fainted again (that's the sixth time this week). Back to the nebulizer and a much lower key (at church, because there is so much reading aloud and singing, I have taken to singing with the men to save breath). So, I was strung out on asthma drugs when Pastor D arrived for my catechism lessoning.

I tried. Truly I tried.

I tried to give him all sorts of permission to glare, interrupt, admonish or even threaten me in order to progress in his agenda necessary to allow me to have communion at church. I even went so far as to provide cue cards for his use that instructed me to shut up and let him teach in a series of ten messages that progressed from gentle reminders to rather blunt commands. Given that we did not really progress past the introduction text to the Lord's Prayer (meaning we STILL have yet to tackle the Creed and the Lord's Prayer after 3 sessions), I believe the next lesson needs stronger measures. In short, I believe he should use duct tape on my mouth!

Still, I did learn much today that I needed to begin to grasp. I heard what I needed to hear. And he listened to me.

We did plow through some questions that have arisen in praying the Psalms (more on that later). He sang another hymn to me. He did confession/absolution. And he read with me, going through Psalm 136 with him starting each verse and my finishing with "For His lovingkindess is everlasting." I highly recommend reading aloud this Psalm with another person on a regular basis. The best part was that when we were done, Pastor commented that the only thing wrong with the psalm was that it was too short! Imagine that, a Pastor who actually enjoys reading scripture aloud!

Aside from the cue cards, another "gift" I had for him was a laminated miniature replica of my baptism certificate. I had made ones (note the plural) for me and one for each of my baptismal sponsors and for Pastor. At the nooner bible study a couple of weeks ago, I saw that Pastor's wife had a small laminated card that was from his mother's funeral which she used as a bookmark. Staring at the certificate that Pastor propped up on the side table next to the couch where all my "Lutheran" books are piled along with my many bibles, I kept thinking about her bookmark. I thought if I made one out of my certificate, it would be a way of thanking JW and her husband for agreeing to be my sponsors and a reminder to Pastor of the fruit of his labor for times when he is discouraged as to whether or not he is doing any good in his office. I think he liked it.

In turn, Pastor came bearing gifts. He had a replacement Lutheran Service Book/hymnal since I had given Bettina mine to take home with her. The new one came with four ribbons, not one. And Pastor purposely placed one at the Litany (my "talking" prevented us from being able to pray that today). His other "gift" was another study book! Such a surfeit of riches I have had from his hands: Book of Concord, ESV bible, two Lutheran Service Books (the old one and the new one), The Spirituality of the Cross, a Lenten devotional, the Catechism lesson book, and now a small treatise on Psalms by Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

I admit that I have already read through the small book! It is more difficult to grasp than I had hoped. Or I am more dense than I would wish. Pastor did read me a snippit to show me that I sort of missed something in my post yesterday and in doing so showed me what the next approach I need to take as I begin praying the Psalms again: praying attempt #4 shall be to read them aloud contemplating that they are the words of Christ, the prayers of Christ.

If the Word was (is) before He was incarnate, then the Word in Psalms is actually Christ. They are His words, His prayers, given to us through David. So, when I wrote that I had no words, so I began reading aloud, using David's, I was actually using the words of Christ.

I almost laughed when Pastor pointed that out to me, for one of the ways I tease him is noting whether or not something from the Old Testament is a "Jesus" verse. To Lutherans, they are all "Jesus" verses, or rather they believe Christ permeates the Old Testament as much as He does the New Testament.

After my lessoning, I went to my godparents home. [Boy, do I revel in typing that word, godparents! Isn't it crazy to acquire a pair at my age?] I had agreed to assess JW's oldest for her homeschool requirements before the whole baptismal sponsor thing arose and time has run out for me to do so. She had a friend and her family staying with her, but they allowed me some rather special time with my godmother that included much singing! Yes, JW sang to me and with me while I was there.

She also gave me back my baptismal napkin (still wrinkled from being wet) that she had finished stitching and their gift to me: her copy of the Treasury of Daily Prayer, inscribed by her husband to me. SIGH. Now, I am sure I will need another degree to ferret out how to follow all the bits and pieces in this veritable trove of prayer and scripture and lessons (it is way more complicated than the service book), but I am most grateful to have another tool for my spiritual growth. And the fact that it is my godfather's handwriting on the first page is special to me.

It was not just JW who agreed to serve as godparent. Her husband (JW as well) also said, "Yes."

I had mailed my godmother a thank you card with the small replica of my baptism certificate, but I kept my godfather's with me until I could talk with him in person.

I do not know him. And it is uncomfortable for me to be around him because I do not know him, but I do not want that to remain the case. I did not really wish to talk with him about my past, but I wanted to let him know that it meant a lot to me that he agreed to be my godparent as well as JW. She had told me that he would understand, that he was not offended that I have given him a wide berth in the times I had seen him before. I guess I did not really believe her. This evening, when I thanked him in person, gave him my gift, and told him that I was working on being better, he very quietly reminded me that Christ would be the one to do that for me, in His timing, not mine. He is willing to give me all the space I needed in the meantime. I was rather humbled in that moment, for I realized that I have been truly blessed with a pair of godparents who are genuinely committed to helping me live in faith.

Godparents! Oh, how I have longed for "parents" with whom I could share my faith, talk about the bible, seek counsel. People who actually want to teach, who want to guide. My own would never fit that bill and I am fairly well convinced now that I will never have in-laws who might serve in that role. Now, out of the blue, in addition to a strange Pastor who teaches oh so freely, I have godparents charged with that very task!

How incredibly, unbelievably marvelous is that?