Bettina's husband counseled that I had no business trying to wield a chain saw.  Bootstrap suggested that perhaps I should wait for her visit on Monday before trying to use the pruning clippers, my second idea for beginning to deal with the tree.  Sage advice I should have followed.

However, while the duplex joined to mine is not currently occupied, the owners let their displeasure with my failure to remove my downed tree be known.  Their desire for it to be gone fueled today's folly.

I cleared enough snow away from my two sheds to retrieve first the pruning clippers and then the hand saw. After two branch removals, I switched to the latter because the clippers just were not large enough to deal with the job and trying to squeeze them closed was too difficult for me.

Two hours I spent sawing away at those branches.  First, I began on the lower branches, clearing out the ones I could reach most easily.  Then, I tackled one that was about four inches in diameter.  That was tough and I was trembling violently by the time it crashed to the ground.  However, my greatest strength and deepest flaw is that once I begin something I rarely quit, pushing through, whatever the cost, because I am reluctant to have to return to finish.  So, there I was, perched on the upper portion of the fallen tree, sawing away at the last branch.

I fainted and fell out of the tree, hitting my head some time before I hit the snow.

I awoke dizzy and vomiting and dragged myself to a spot bare of snow, thinking that my friends are brilliant and I am just plain stupid.

When I made it back inside, my blood sugar was low, so I prepared something to eat.  My choices were limited so I picked the eggplant that I bought while Bettina was here.  I sauteed it in olive oil and ate it, sitting on the floor because I was so shaky, but talking with Cousin D who called to talk about his writing project.

Did you know that eggplant is a fruit?

Do you know where I am going with that question?  Yep, I had an allergic reaction that seemed at first it was just a nuisance, a warning that my days of eating eggplant are drawing to a close, but slowly and steadily caused my throat to swell dangerously.  Shortly after I hung up the phone, I ended up having to jam that blasted epipen into my thigh.  Shaking all the more from the drug and my own fear, I pulled a pillow off the couch and just wailed over my own stupidity and the fact that fruits are quickly becoming my enemy!

SIGH.

Truly I need someone to teach me how to start the chain saw for the tree trunks.  I am fairly sure taking down the rest of it should take a mere half hour since I have removed two thirds of it if one was wielding a chain saw.  One portion of the tree is still standing, but it is resting against the phone and cable lines in the alley.  I think I would need someone to hold it off the wires while cutting the bottom of it.  And I need to get all of it to the curb for pick-up.  Thankfully, the county will come haul it away as long as none of the pieces are longer than six feet, more than six inches in diameter, or weigh more than fifty pounds.  The latter restriction may mean I need to cut a few of the pieces a bit more...but...if I can start that chain saw, doing so should be a matter of mere seconds.

I wonder...can you cut up a tree with a circular saw?  I've also got one of those.  Using it would mean no pulling on a rip cord or mixing the oil and gas or whatever the mysteries of chain saws are.  I have a power cord long enough to get the circular saw to the tree.  Hmm...but is it safe to use a circular saw sideways?

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Last night I recorded both Articles II and III of the Creed for El.  I had started to just do the second one, but enjoyed reading and thinking about the Book of Concord so much that I went ahead and finished the Creed.

What struck me was how very differently I read Luther's teaching now than I did this summer, the first time through, and I continued to dwell upon Luther's instruction that the Creed teaches what we are to expect and to receive from our triune God as Christians.

• That Luther begins his instruction on Article II with  We see how He has completely pour forth Himself (Matthew 26:28) and withheld nothing from us (II Corinthians 8:9) truly positions us rightly  before God.  Kleinig's receptive spirituality once again.
• That Luther summarizes this article in one word, Lord, and then translates that as redeemer centers on the only work necessary in salvation:  Christ's.  I know all about lordship from all the modern high fantasy books I've read and studied and researched back when I was Dr. Myrtle.  While many of those attributes fit Christ, the lordship Luther presents is one rooted in love, not duty or honor.  I realized that once again I do not understand love.  Truly I do not.
• That Luther firmly roots the work of the Holy Spirit in Word and Sacrament was completely lost on me last summer.  When Pastor told me he just needed to teach me a bit about the Holy Spirit and then I could join the rest of the church at the alter, I was like, okay...yeah...I get that...not really taking in a word he said so intent was I on finally, finally being able to receive the Lord's Supper each week.  Then, when he presented those questions, I fell apart in my Law-based understanding, having not heard one word of the Gospel he was speaking, for I  knew my utter inability to fulfill the intentions of those questions.  I felt to answer would be a lie and wailed at losing the alter right at the finishing line. 
  
  Even when I finally understood that no one expected me to answer yes on my own, that all my yes-es were yes by the grace of God, not merely the one that included that qualifier, I still did not understand what Luther was teaching, what Pastor was sharing with me.  I think, truly, I have only begun to glimpse this in the past two weeks, wrestling with understanding the fifth petition of the Lord's Prayer. 
  
  But I do know that God has worked in me as I have prayed the Psalter, filling my ears with the Living Word, letting it rest upon my tongue, fall from my lips.  The Holy Spirit working through the Word.  I do know that taking in the body and blood of Christ helps my anguish, my struggle.  The Holy Spirit working through Sacrament.  I do know that having the word of forgiveness spoken to me in Holy Absolution helps me to understand that I am washed clean, frees me of the burden of my sin, if but for a while. 
  
  The Holy Spirit working and working and working...illumining and enkindling my heart that I might understand, accept, cling to, and persevere in the Word. (LC, Part II, 42)

What am I to expect and receive?  The Father gives all creatures.  The Son gives His entire work.  And the Holy Spirit bestows all His gifts.  (LC, Part II, 70).

Gives.  Gives.  Gives.  Gives to I, a poor miserable sinner.  Gives to I, a mere beggar.  Gives to I, unworthy and unable to help myself.  Gives freely, unconditionally, without reserve, again and again and again.

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!