The woman who's girlfriend rescued me after I keeled over in the snow when my blood sugar dropped organized a helping party to dig out my car when the snow plows finally came through.  However, some thoughtless cad, some insensitive oaf, wedged his car into the open space in front of my car, angled out into the street.  To get out now, I would have to dig up the snow behind my car.  ARGH.

Tomorrow another storm is blowing through, since we are apparently channeling Michigan weather.  At this point, 10-20 inches are predicted to fall.  Where, oh, where, do we put all the snow?

What I do know is that I am terribly sore from the shoveling I did do.  I struggle to help myself sit up and have fallen back against the couch and bed as my arms gave way.  The whole upper half of me is protesting most every movement.  I really should not be shoveling snow.

It hurts even to hold the bible in my hands....

SIGH.

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The new bible Pastor gave me has started losing pages.  I was extremely disheartened to have some of the maps come away in my hand when flipping through them.

So, I am first thinking that Satan just doesn't want me to have a bible.  SIGH.  I know.  Silly.  Still, I truly am disappointed.

After spending a long while trying to find a non-updated NASB bible again, I believe that I should go with an idea I had in December.  I found a book store that has a great reputation for restoring books.  I could have either this new bible or my original bible rebound and rebound with leather that will last.  The quote I received is $85.  For my original bible, they would be repairing the spine, since it is broken at page 50, and then rebinding it.

I am not sure if this would be the best route; I am also not sure which bible I should bind if I chose to do so...the one with fifteen years of highlights, underlining, and notes...most of them from when I was in Protestant churches or the new one Pastor received that has my praying-the-Psalter highlights and little else. 

What should I do?

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Someone, in response to this forgiveness stuff, suggested that I read the story of Absalom and David in 2 Samuel.  I read from the rape of Tamar (chapter 13 until the grief of David after Absalom's death in chapter 19).  She asked me:  Was there forgiveness in this particular story and remember… King David was the Apple of God’s eye?

As I wrote in my response:

Okay, well, I read the story, beginning with the rape of Tamar and frankly I DO NOT understand your question.  First, two things I noted about Tamar is that she knew her shame (2nd Samuel 13:13) and that she was told to keep secret what happened (2 Samuel 13:20).  David did seem to forgive Absalom for he allowed him to return (2 Samuel 14:21) and then again instructed his men to deal gently with him (2 Samuel 18:5) when David went to take back his throne.  In fact, David showed forgiveness to the man who cursed him (2 Samuel 16:11...reminiscent of Romans 12:19).  I do not get why Joab murdered Absalom, nor do I understand why he chastised David (2 Samuel 19:5-7).

I am, as you may surmise, eagerly awaiting her response since I am, as you have seen, somewhat of a dunce. Why this passage? Why charge me to remember how God viewed David? Is this about the 5th petition of the Lord's Prayer or forgiveness in general?

Just today El wrote that she admired how I hunger for the bible and how I was so scholarly. Were she to read my answer, she would know I am fairly stupid these days. How much I can blame the MS is beyond me. How much, here, I can blame not truly knowing forgiveness remains unknown.

For example, just today I brought the matter up with my dear friend Bettina again. She, uhm, lashed out last spring and hurt me. She asked me to forgive her this summer. I am not sure if I ever really said the words I forgive you to her because I adamantly believe there is no need for forgiveness. She lashed out because she was hurt and never intended, truly, to hurt me.  If fielding her blows is what helps her cope with a genuinely difficult time in her life, then my feet will always be planted in front of her.  I know what it is like to be overwhelmed with hurt, to feel utterly desperate.  I would not wish that even on my greatest enemy...not if I were to stop and think about the consequences of such a wish. 

She told me today she rather adamantly believes I am wrong in such thinking and that I am wrong because I do not really understand forgiveness.

SIGH.

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El also wrote a bit about Lutheranism I promptly loved:

Isn't it amazing how Lutheran theology seems to have ALL the pieces.  It's almost kind of annoying and embarrassing and overwhelming.   It's so different than our culture that takes a little bit from here and little from there and comes up with each person's personalized interesting creation of the truth.  In the end, Lutheran-Christianity is so comforting, but initially it's startlingly different.

Oh, yes, dear El.  Oh, yes!  Thank you for sharing such beautiful words with me!

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!