I learned today that there will be no more lessoning for me and no more parking lot confession/absolution.  So I am left to figure out things on my own.  I have little hope for success in that.

Since I have no more lessoning, I cannot ask Pastor about the Kleinig book he gave me. I guess I should have read faster.  Since I do not understand the first part of the section on prayer and it only frustrates me further, I have decided to stick with Walther.  There is simply no point to banging my head against a brick wall.

I would like to note that after hearing such distressing news about lessoning, I ended the day spending much time closeted with the CEO and my boss, during which she told the CEO the reason for all the unfinished 2009 objectives that were hers was me...inadequate skill, ill health, not working hard enough.  So I have until the end of February to finish them, only I still have to do 12 months of work in the 10 months I'll have left.  Oh, and how I have to go to training from 7:00 to 10:00 at night to be a better graphics designer.  I am not, not, not a graphics designer.  I am a communications manager.  I dabble in InDesign only.  One project, the website, I presented to her at the beginning of August.  Month after month went by with my trying to get her to make a decision on the comps, to move forward.  How, pray tell me, is that my failure?

Each morning, I now have to write a list of what I will be doing.  Each afternoon I have to justify my labors for the day.

I am a horrible human being.  I am a horrible communications manager.  I am a horrible employee.  The bottle God uses to capture my tears has surely overflowed.

Frankly, I could do without this day.

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!