Five loads of laundry, clean, are piled upon the still unmade bed in the basement.  Just the thought of them exhausts me.  Yet I cannot run down the basement every time I need socks, underwear, or a towel.

I kept my dear friend up too late during her visit, exhausting her and myself.  I couldn't help myself, so hungry am I for fellowship, so generous is she.  I hate myself for doing so.  I do not see why she ever comes back.

When I am tired, my body doesn't hold things in place.  First my right knee.  When I am turning, such as to load the dishwasher when I am standing at the sink, if I am not careful to lift my foot off the floor my thigh will turn and my lower leg will remain where it is, pulling apart my knee.  Agony follows as I have to slowly turn and guide things where they should be.  Then my right hip.  If I am too tired, when I raise my leg to step up, my hip begins to move out the socket.  Agony follows as I lower my legs and twist and shift and move it back in place.  Next came my right shoulder.  Then my left thumb.  Then my left wrist.  Now it is my left foot.  When I am tired, and I tuck my foot beneath my leg as I move around in bed or go to sit on the couch, it will fold in such a way that the metatarsal bones rub against each other.  Besides enduring the sheer agony of such a happening, I am terrified one more will break given the rather loud crunching and popping sound that occurs at such times.  My foot and wrist are in agony just now.

I keep my dear friend up, but I also try to wait on her more than she waits on me since she is always fetching things for me or picking up things I drop.  No one waits on her.  I genuinely want to cook for her and clean all the dishes and bring her snacks and change diapers and anything she wants and feel as if I hardly ever do anything for her.  But waiting on her makes for exhaustion compounded by my own selfishness with regards to late hours.  She is very good at hanging up on me when she needs to go (rather sweetly, but firmly).  My dear Bettina, you need to just get up, walk away from me, and climb into bed as well.

I want to do too many things that are hard for me.  I do not care that they are painful.  Just like I wanted to, truly wanted to, wash the dishes when I was doing that cooking for others, but doing so hurt so much I could hardly endure it and barely hid my agony.  Yet I know the pain makes me tired, which, in turn, makes everything worse.  The exhaustion brings me pain, which, in turn, makes everything worse.

How am I going to chop up that tree?  SIGH.

Despite my fatigue and discomfort (which I believe I hid rather well today), I had a most wonderful lunch with Bootstrap, her daughter, and my old Scripture Memory Partner.  We crammed in two games of Rumikub.  While I bitterly lost the first game, I managed to eek out a win in the second game by a fairly good tile manipulation at the very last second before I had to leave.  My only regret is that Bootstrap has yet to know the joy that is winning Rumikub.

She poured upon me many blessings.  First, her presence.  Second, the start of my first ever scrapbook.  Second, the loan of two CD sets I have been eyeing on Concordia Publishing House, which she didn't even know.  And, third, the most wondrous give of the Lutheran Hymnal (1941).  The covers is soft and smooth, perfectly worn yet pristine.  The typeset is beautiful.  The pages smell simply wonderful.  There are prayers in there that are new to me.  The words to some of the hymns I know are surprisingly different, providing much food for thought.  And, in my opinion the best part, she inscribed it to me!  For me.

The hymn I looked up upon first opportunity was Through Jesus Blood and Merit.

Through Jesus' Blood and Merit                   Through Jesus' Blood and Merit

Through Jesus' blood and merit                      Thro' Jesus' blood and merit

I am at peace with God.                                 I am at peace with God.

What, then, can daunt my spirit,                     What, then, can daunt my spirit,

However dark my road?                                 However dark my road?

My courage shall not fail me,                         My courage shall not fail me,

For God is on my side;                                  For God is on my side;

Though hell itself assail me,                           Tho' hell itself assail me

Its rage I may deride.                                     Its rage I may deride.

There's nothing that can sever                          There's naught that me can sever

From this great love of God,                            From the great love of God;

No want, no pain whatever,                              No want, no pain whatever, 

No famine, peril, flood.                                    No famine, peril, flood.

Though thousand foes surround me,                  Tho' thousand foes surround me

For slaughter mark His sheep,                          For slaughter mark Thy sheep,

They never shall confound me,                          They never shall confound me,

The vict'ry I shall reap.                                    The vict'ry I shall reap.

For neither life's temptation                            Yea, neither life's temptation

Nor death's most trying hour                           Nor death's so trying hour

Nor angels of high station                               Nor angels of high station

Nor any other pow'r                                        Nor any other pow'r

Nor things that now are present                       Nor things that now are present

Nor things that are to come                             Nor things that are to come

Nor height, however pleasant,                         Nor height, however pleasant, 

Nor darkest depths of gloom                            Nor depths of deepest gloom

Nor any creature ever                                      Nor any creature ever 

Shall from the love of God                               Shall from the love of God

This ransomed sinner sever;                            This wretched sinner sever;

For in my Savior's blood                                 For in my Savior's blood

This love has its foundation;                            This love its fountain taketh;

God hears my faithful prayer                            He hears my faithful prayer

And long before creation                                  And nevermore forsaketh

Named me His child and heir.                          His own dear child and heir.

(LSB 746)                                                         (TLH 372)




Little changes here and there until the last verse.  Funny, I never really understood and long before creation, named me His child and heir...thinking creation sounded like creation of the world but I think it has to be creation in my mother's womb.  What do you think of the change from "ransomed" sinner to "wretched" sinner?  Is fountain a reference to baptism?  Why the departure from the idea of not being forsaken to setting a time reference and emphasizing that we are named child and heir?

Who gets to change the words to hymns?  Is it because the original hymn was written in German, I think, and the LSB version is a new translation?

Funny that I love this hymn so dearly even though it never has the word forgiveness in it once!  If I were changing it willy nilly, as it seems with the end of the last verse, I would definitely add in forgiveness.  I need every opportunity to hear that word.



Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!