Determined not to earn yet another berating for not taking care of myself (a voice mail, text, and 2 emails), I had a solid lunch with much protein before my afternoon meeting.  Three hours later, my blood sugar tanked again.  I felt it coming on and finally found an opportunity to get

The meeting was very, very strange.  This pastor who uses social networking quite heavily in his church came to teach us about Facebook (everyone in our department are all devout believers that staying off this social networking site is best for professional development and are thus dunces in navigating this venue).  In 17 years, the average age of his parishioners has plummeted 40 years.

Thankfully, after much exploration, we learned that the better course of action would be to use WordPress to create a blog that can have multiple pages.  While I was glad not to be tied to Facebook, there will be a STEEP learning curve on learning the WordPress interface.

That was made clear by how much twitting and dissing and specious flattery was tossed about as all four of us tried to figure out how to set up a basic page.  For once, I would have read the darned instruction book.

The whole time, as we set up three different profiles (Facebook organization, Facebook personal, Wordpress), everybody kept double and triple checking with me that I was writing down the user name, password, and secret question answers.  At one point, I muttered I better put down the password (okay...I use the SAME one for every online profile at work) just in case I die today.  [Yes, my blood sugar was a bit low.]  The pastor, who was sitting right next to me, announced he hoped very much that would not be the case.  Without thought, I immediately replied that if I did, I would be with Jesus, which would be perfectly fine with me.

Oh, my, I guess I don't know Methodist pastor's very well because he was at a complete loss for words.  Well...yeah...but....

Perhaps I should not be so eager to be with my Lord?  Who, tell me, would rather live in this vile world if given the choice?  Not me.  Not at all.

However, I will say, that this evening I am glad He has not yet called me home...if but a wee while.  .

SIGH.

I've been sitting here, just thinking.  Thinking about the look on that pastor's face as he struggled to refute my comment.  Thinking about why in the world my blood sugar's been bad the past two days.  Thinking about the snow I need to shovel in the back yard because Kashi is having a hard time getting around.  Thinking about Bettina's visit and how much I savor her presence.   Thinking about Pastor W's comment about love and a prayer he set to me, for me.

And praying the Psalter.

Pastor challenged the church to pray the Psalter throughout Lent and creating a schedule to do so.  He took Sundays off the schedule, I guess because of folk already going to church, but I would have not skipped a day.  If I have become the Amway salesman for confessional Lutheranism, I am not sure what you would call me for praying the Psalter.

I heard two Ash Wednesday sermons, both choosing the same text, but taking different tacks.  Return to the Lord your God (Joel 2:12-19).  Both talking about how Lent is a time to return to God, to set aside the things we've placed ahead of Him, in place of Him.  Both mentioning self-discipline.  Pastor had far more Gospel, but not as much as I would have expected.  The sermon was very, very brief.  I could have used more, so surprised was I when the audio track ended.  I am on a soap box these days regarding Luther's teaching in the Large Catechism, fresh on my mind from the recordings I made.

What struck me is neither mentioned that self-discipline is really a misnomer since even our discipline is a gift from God, one which we pray for in the fourth petition of the Lord's Prayer and expect to receive in the first article of the Creed.  For our selves have no discipline.  Our nature is selfish and lazy and greedy and prideful.  We assume so much and actually achieve so very little when it comes to what we can do or what we can control.

Both mentioned discipline and talked about doing. I was surprised. I've spent nine months learning that I cannot do...that it was never mine to do.  I found the emphasis on doing strange.  Very, very strange, even though Pastor's was a mere whisper compared to the other sermon.

Monday I am having private confession with a pastor I do not know.  I look forward with great eagerness for the words that will be spoken over me, for the cross traced upon the forehead of a sinner such as I.  Right now, in this moment, I would be hard pressed to say if I crave the fragrance of the wine more or the word of forgiveness.  Having had the Supper both Sunday and Wednesday, I would say that my choice would be easy, but I am not so sure.

I look forward and yet I cannot imagine speaking what is on my heart to someone I do not know.  I suppose that will drive home just how it is that the office is not the man, even though the man can overshadow the office.

While I believe most anyone who knows me would surely chose Psalm 6 to be my life psalm, sadly drowning my bed with my tears, it is Psalm 119:11 that fits so well...I have hidden Thy word in my heart that I might not sin against Thee.  

I know the Law of this, but what is the Gospel?

He also gave me a pamphlet of preparation, taking the reader through the Ten Commandments.  I did not tell him that I can practically recite the salient points of all but one of them. Still, in addition to reading the Treasury of Daily Prayer and praying the Psalter, I have added a section of his pamphlet.  I may quickly be becoming rather learned in Lutheranism, but the Holy Spirit has shown me just how little it is that I actually understand.

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!