When does it end...

I hate the mail these days.  For a few weeks now, barely a day goes by without bad news or some problem that needs to be addressed immediately.

Today, I got a bill for $1,406 for an ambulance ride I did not want, I tried hard to refuse, and only relented because I felt so pressured that I didn't think I would be welcome again if I didn't go.  I knew I was going to be okay, even if I still looked bad, and that was confirmed when the ER doc asked me why I was there.

I know. I know with my whole being the call for an ambulance was made in care and concern.  But I felt I had no choice, no freedom.

$1,406. 

That's a whole month's living expenses here. 

I am absolutely overwhelmed.  I knew the hospital bill was going to be hard to stomach, but I have never been charged for an ambulance ride.

Not only did I get this bill, but the company is going to be charging interest each month I don't pay. 

What am I to do?

I Skyped with Bettina's cherubs to read to them.  Two books wiped me out.  I was exhausted.  I want to do it again tomorrow if she has them at home again all day because it helps her.  And...to be honest...I like that they like me reading to them.  My fever is trending down, but still here.  It is getting easier to endure eating. I can stand and move about, even if I get exhausted afterwards.  I am getting better.  But there is no way, no bloody way even if I wanted desparately to do so I would go to the doctor right now.  Already, I am approximately four months living expenses in debt.  My hope at some rest and peace before I found another job seems to have been shattered.

Only...how do I interview if I cannot even sit long?

What am I to do?

My Good Shepherd knows all this.  Why cannot I find solace in this cross?


Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief?