The 14-day monitor did not even last twelve hours. The flashing orange light telling me there was a problem made difficult any sleeping on my part. Thus, at 8:13 this morning, I was on the phone asking for a replacement. It is my fear I shall have to pay in full for this monitoring, but I believe it will be of value. However, if I am paying several thousand dollars from my ever-dwindling, immature retirement account, I would like recordation actually to be taking place.
So, it was back to the cardiologist today. I am now all wired (adhered) up again and praying that the capture will be primarily successful over the two-week period.
The time factor infringed upon the plan to take Wynne to the botanical gardens, so we went for a tasty meal at Flattop Grill. In coming home, stuffed and sated, we ended up primarily talking for a while before I offered to cook.
My biggest problem, by far, is Keeping Up With the Jones, when it comes to eating with guests. I would have been fine with just two small dishes of something, having chowed down on my stir-fry. However, everyone else in the world cannot make do on either six tiny meals or one big and a few tiny tidbits fore and aft. We ended up having left over Raspberry Chipotle chicken (the breasts she bought at the store are the largest ones I have EVER seen in my life), one of my bloody fantastic salads (wild leaf lettuce, feta, avocado, cucumber, carrot slivers, and craisons—no, she did not want me to buy her her own tomato even though she eats them), and roasted broccoli. So, at least I got to introduce her to the latter.
However, I really had no need of all of those things. Or even one of them. An apple would have done. Yogurt later. KUWJ Syndrome. SIGH.
Then, more talking, but this time primarily erudite matters relating to the college class she teaches as an adjunct. Ah, education, make my heart sing! She actually came with a specific goal of asking me to help her start (and eventually finish) an overhaul of her syllabus assignments and final exam (as well as some instructional changes) to more fully integrate critical instruction into her teaching and outcomes.
Warmed the cockles of my heart!
You see, to her, I am still Dr. So-and-So! My Ph.D. in literacy studies and background in education has value to her and she wanted to use it! She wanted/wants help from me!! Oh, man, how I wish more would let me help in the ways that I still can.
In talking, I did learn language that helped me understand how to talk with another about a subject. I learned that there are process people and product people. Someone I know has an employee who is a process person, but who has been begging for a promotion for nearly two years. The problem is that she is in a product field. She has deliverables that are integral to her job and the success of her department. Whilst she sees herself as being a productive and valuable employee ready for promotion, she is, in fact, someone who works on the process day in and day out and rarely ever achieves a final product without direct intervention.
That distinction helped me think of ways I could help her manager work through how to talk about this little bit of reality and, perhaps, either help the employee find value where she is, possibly find ways to better utilize a process person, or ease the employee into another job where deliverables are not vital.
It also helped me to further reflect on how very important the external is. Many times I have written about the blessing of the external nature of the Gospel, both in its nature and how it is received. The sweet, sweet Gospel is outside of ourselves, fully and completely. That it is so brings comfort to the anguished soul mired in the reality of the sin in her life, the consequences of sins committed against him, the inability to achieve holiness or sanctification by one's self.
Having—at least at first—a personal and character development system for small children provides a much needed external, objective, non-personal aspect to behavior evaluation and chores and such. I very much like, for example, this approach. I like the visual aspect of the child journeying throughout the day along the path toward accomplishing tasks. I like the visual aspect of the child's behavioral choices leading them to stages in dealing with behavior. And I especially like that the child starts each day anew, each day as someone who's behavior is noted as good and positive.
The best part is that when a child asks (translates that begs) for the reward at the end of the day's chores/personal grooming responsibilities, all a parent needs to do is let the chart do the answering! No need for wheedling, whining, manipulating, negotiating, or anything else of the ilk. What does the chart tell you? Well, then, follow the chart to gain your goal!
What my friend, the oh-so-skilled-counselor, very wisely pointed out, though, that there needs to be a solid and smooth and timely transition from any sort of rewards system to the satisfaction developing self-discipline and contributing to the family (serving others) with no expectation of rewards. I would like to see some articles/posts about that!
Her observation made me wish, anew, that I could be a fly on the wall whilst she teaches. How utterly wonderful and fitting it is that, in addition to her professional career, she is helping to develop the careers of others. Her speciality and, thus, college course is on play therapy for children.
Anyway, as we discussed her goals for the changes she wants to implement, both theoretically and a bit specifically, I just ... well ... my heart sang for the joy of being all academic and actually helpful to another. We have an initial plan and some steps for her to consider. And I have some learning to do about her topic so that I might be better equipped to help her. A text book will be coming my way as my part of the homework.
Working with her made me think—with both guilt and discouragement—how my downloading volunteer project has completely stalled. The problem is that what I am downloading is named differently (one-year vs. three-year lectionary stuff) from what I need to reference to properly categorize each devotional so that the next-step analysis can be accomplished. I simply have been unable to look at a title of a devotion with one church year week title and look up the reference under another church year week title. It grieves me that I can no longer do such a simple task. But I cannot. Therefore, how can I finish this project? Sadly, I suspect this difference will come up again in another season of the church year. Thus far, I have only managed to download and categorize eight years of Advent devotions.
I am stymied.
I cannot figure out a plan—or a pattern—for how to navigate the shift in references.
I feel the failure.
At the cardiologist, I thought that I had chosen a shell that would work well for the removal, new skip prep, and application of the second monitor, but I was wrong. After being momentarily dismayed, discouraged, and upset, I hit upon the idea of asking if I could remove my zippered cardigan, remove my shell, and then put my cardigan back on before proceeding. This way, my arms and shoulders and the majority of my torso were covered. With a bra on, I felt that I could have the courage to have my chest bare, and my act of comfort would not, in any fashion, hinder the process.
Well, as it turns out, the woman working on the swap is one of the 25% of women in America who have experienced sexual abuse. She encouraged me in my attempts to both communicate my needs and to find a way to remain calm and feel safe whilst having something done that would otherwise be difficult for me. She told me, personally, two of the changes she found herself making to deal with her feelings, her shame, and her battles of the mind.
As I wrote before, I am not alone and crazy.
I am normal and in the company of many.
And I am a survivor.
What a blessed, timely gift from my Good Shepherd that moment of fellowship of the darkness and the battle that is facing the effects of sexual abuse in your life. She shared with me that she just started crafting, making cards. When she showed me a handful of them, I admired her coping mechanism immensely. I told her about my new blog, my fears and trepidation over it, and the next entry I am trying to write on how child sexual abuse can affect emotional development and impact your level of emotional intelligence.
In part, what I did was the rehearsal component of the learning process that I discussed with Wynne tonight. Below are images from a PowerPoint I developed to help teach on The Learning Process:
For the record, my friend Mary has been ever so generous, gentle, and patient when it comes to helping me with the learning process of the sweet, sweet Gospel. Anyone who reads to me the Living Word—as did my best friend Becky on Thursday morning to help calm me down for the initial cardiology visit—is helping me (via the work of the Holy Spirit as the Word is read) both rehearse and internalize the message of Christ crucified for me. And, in case you had not followed the point, when I post my Gospel Harmony Joy Nots, I am exercising all aspects of the learning process.
I would like to tackle the next section ... if I were not so afraid of what the parables, noted as ones about healing, might say. What twisted Law I still me see in them? SIGH.
I would very much like to find a way to finish tackling that initial post on emotions. Perhaps shaking and quivering and puking my way through that entry could be my goal for this weekend....
I am Yours, Lord. Save me!
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