I'm not ready...

Three nights of writhing is really undeniable.  I just cannot pretend that I am slipping back into that  world of innards misery.  I do not understand why it is that the erythromycin does not seem to be as effective, but I have been nauseous after eating a second or third meal of the day for nearly three weeks now.  And for three nights, I have not been able to bear even the weight of a bed sheet on my abdomen.  SIGH.

I was so nauseous after eating a small lunch that I took Zofran and then fell asleep for four hours.  Was I exhausted from being up so much during the night?  Is the higher dose making me drowsy?

What will happen when the doses of the erythromycin solution run out?

Tonight, after such a dreary day, I asked Michelle if she wanted to finish watching "Firefly" abad built a fire.  I've decided that fires in April are just fine if it is not actually April weather going on here.  I very much welcomed the distraction.

My abdomen hurts so very, very, very much.

Poor Amos has forgotten the first two years of not being able to drape himself across my person whenever he wanted.  I've been shoving him off my midsection for three days.  It is hard for me to be gentle with him when he flops his person upon mine without regard to position.

At church tonight, there was a line in the hymn that said Jesus when cheerfully to His crucifixion.  Given His night in the garden of Gethsemane and knowing what was about to happen to Him, I cannot imagine Jesus being cheerful about the agony and death before him.  I mean, is not willingly a more accurate description of how Jesus approached the crucifixion?

I don't remember.
I don't remember the readings.
I don't remember if Jesus was cheerful.

Tomorrow, before I eat.  Before the day become another battle, I want to remember to read of His passion in my harmony of the Gospels.  I think, though, I should figure out why the thought of a cheerful Jesus dragging His cross up the hill on His beaten body bothers me.  Frightens me, really.

The readings and sermon had talk of dry bones.  More foreign bits of the Bible, so much have I lost.  The reading was not printed out and for once I did not have my Bible with me.  The pew Bible in one in which by the time I finish fumbling about to find the reading, the reading is over.  So, I was a bit lost.

This whole day I have been lost.  Lost in the wretchedness of my body.  Lost in what I no longer know about the crucifixion.  Lost in how dry bones could be Gospel.


I am Yours, Lord.  Save me!