Virtual experiences...

Parkview's RN Care program (which I sometimes think might be called Community Health and the RN Care is one of the team members) has been interesting and helpful.  For one, I received three months worth of the flovent inhalers today, from the Prescription Assistance Specialist's work.  This is on top of 100 days of Celebrex that I received last week.  Those two are my most expensive prescriptions, so this was a great boon to me financially, especially since I have had so many medical appointments and tests and medication/supplement changes of late.

If I stabilize on the gabapentin, I can get that for free, too, from the mail order pharmacy.  Right now, each time I pick it up, it is $8.  Not much, you might think, but it is "much" to me.  We just upped it from 900 mg to 1200 mg daily.  I think, perhaps, I am finally feeling the drowsiness from it.  However, I am not sure.  I thought I would give it another week before calling my GP because I want to keep trying to lessen the nerve pain.  We've made good gains in that department, but there is still so far to go.

But why I am bringing this up is because the social worker called this afternoon to check in with me. Her timing was perfect, because I got to talk about the pit bull attack.  She listened.  That was important.  That is needful.  But she also said something that has stuck with me:  "I've never experienced a dog attack, so I cannot imagine how bad it could be."  It wasn't that she was saying this in a dismissive way, but in a listening way, a framing way.  Telling me she had no reference with which to compare or understand what I was trying to say.  I found that helpful.

I guess ... well ... to put it bluntly ... even if you haven't been sexually assaulted or raped, these days, you can watch movies and television shows with survivors, you can witness the violence and the aftermath, even if much of it is a bit stereotyped.  But, think about it, with all the streaming and watching that I have done, not a single dog attack comes to mind.  You might get a dog biting on the arm of a police officer or a police officer shooting a dog about to leap on him or her, but a dog trying to tear apart a human being? No, you won't see that.

Chronic illness, death, marriage, divorce, accidents, assaults, theft, murder, betrayal, loss, grief ... so many virtual experiences can be had in the story telling of our society ... but not dog attacks.

I think my first thought was "but I have written and spoken about it so very many times" and then thoughts of failure to communicate followed.  It doesn't matter if my friends and family haven't experienced a dog attack ... they should know ... they should hear me.  But, thinking about the work of Dr. Brown, particularly on empathy, listening to such difficult places that are not familiar means hard work to "dig deep" to hear the commonality of the struggles of life.  The themes of hurt, the foundations of wounds we all bear.  To stand in this place with me, to hear me and let me know that I am heard, is a lot of work.

Talking with her helped, for sure.  But it doesn't make me feel any less lonely with this, with this profound and terrible thing in my life.  Still, I think the call was a great blessing.  Yesterday was a very hard day.  Today?  It was a little bit better.