Mind over matter...

I definitely think that the side effects of the duloxetine are easing a bit, but just a bit.  I am so very exhausted and also drowsy, so it is difficult to be awake and present.  Last night, in the shower, I swear I almost fell asleep twice.  Or something akin to sleeping whilst standing up.  Twice I found myself shaking myself back to the fact that I was standing beneath water and was supposed to be doing something.  What I was supposed to be doing took a few moments to come to mind, despite my location and the running water.

Yesterday was the refrigerator exchange.
It, too, was exhausting.

I am terribly disappointed to realize that I somehow missed that in switching to a Maytag, I lost 2 cubic feet of space.  I dearly miss that space!

The work of taking everything out of the broken refrigerator and putting it into the new refrigerator was made all the more difficult in realizing I do not have enough space for the way I had been doing my icepacks and the other freezer items.  Right now, things are not very organized on either side, and I wish them to be each and every time I open the doors, but I am weary.

Today, I dropped off cucumbers at my GP and therapist's offices and gave a bag to my realtor.  In all, I gave away 18 cucumbers and still have six in my refrigerator!  It was so terribly hard digging out the honeysuckle, but getting rid of the source of powdery mildew in the yard has made cucumber-growing finally a success.  Plus, the crabapple was being affected.  I wonder if I could grow summer squash now....

On the way back, I fetched a prescription from the drive-thru pharmacy.  I brought Amos with me because we both are more attached at the hip than ever.  Plus, I get lonely on errands.  He has gotten really good about not arguing with me when I tell him that he has to stay in the car.  Even though it is hot, I was only gone a few minutes at each stop, just long enough to drop off the cucumbers and come back out.  When we got to the pharmacy, Amos started hanging outside the window and barking at the screen.  I quickly told him to hush, but I soon realized the why behind his agitation.  Amos remembered that he gets a doggie treat in the pharmacy bag when we go there!  This is just his third time of being with me there, so I find that a bit remarkable.  Of course, it is food.  He has a mind like a steel trap when it comes to sources of food!

I am proud of how Amos has improved his car behavior.  Going to therapy with me has helped me teach him better manners.  He is a very smart little Fluffernutter.  I want to try and train him some more, especially try to train him on the leash.

Of course, he is also a very stubborn puppy dog.
And I am a weary puppy momma.

I could note one more gain that I hope is not a one-off.  Whenever Amos is in the basement, he will not tell me that he has to poop.  He will just poop.  Upstairs, he will ask to go outside.  But downstairs all bets are off.  Usually, this happens when I haven't been paying attention to his bodily needs and he's been waiting for me to get off the treadmill.  He gets up and poops ... and then disappears because he knows he's done wrong!

If I try to get him to stop, mostly by yelling, he just continues.  However, yesterday, he stopped long enough to have me follow him up the stairs and let him outside.  Even having to pause a bit in the kitchen was okay as far as the proper dispensation of his bodily waste.  I really do hope we turned a corner on that one.

Mostly, I blame myself.  The majority of the time Amos poops inside is because I haven't had him go outside ... I haven't been keeping track of the fact that he needs to go outside.  The only other time is the "fear poop" when servicemen or visitors have arrived.  The latter I doubt I will ever be able to do anything about, because it happens even when I have him take care of business right before folk arrive.  But the former is clearly on my shoulders.  Yes, I want him to ask me to go outside with him, but I know that after both meals needs are pressing.  If, in the morning, I let him avoid his fears and come back inside without doing his business, it is incumbent upon me to remember to have him conduct his affairs once we get up for the day.  I do not always do that.

Anyway, we had a great celebration of Amos being able to hold his bowels until reaching the Great Outdoors yesterday.  Yes, I was proud of him!  Yes, I told him dozens of times!!  It was a genuine triumph of mind over matter!!!

SIGH.

I guess you could say that is my battle of late:  Mind over matter.  Will I be able to bully my body its way through the side effects mind field I am traversing?  Right now, this very minute, it is mind over matter vs muscle spasms, neuralgia flares, and headaches.

Time for another nap....