Monday, September 17, 2018

Day One

Day One of my impossibly long week was survived.  Thankfully.

I know that Luther teaches that our foe prowls around like a lion, looking for opportunities to attack, but it is hard to think of myself as someone worth attacking.  I mean, what threat am I to him?  And, yet, sometimes I wonder at the obstacles that oft come my way.

For example, last night, around 1:00 AM, I started coughing from a dry, burning throat.  I coughed the rest of the night and got very, very little sleep.  This on a day when I had to get up at 7:45 AM in order to get to the training session that I have been trying to get to since June.  Somehow, almost magically, after I dragged myself out of bed, that cough and dry, burning throat went away.

Another example is my trying to go to church again.  I have managed to get there five weeks in a row now, which is a bit mind-boggling.  Although three of those weeks, I became terribly ill in the few hours before needing to leave.  So many symptoms have flared on Wednesday late afternoon that it gives me pause.

Where was I trying to go this morning?  Hospice.  Back in the dark ages, I was a hospice volunteer.  I tried volunteering with Make-a-Wish foundation, but my first partner kept breaking the rules of safety and, when I reported the problem, she sent rather ugly texts to me.  The resolution of the matter was to keep that wish granter and just find me another partner.  The whole situation was unsettling, and I realized how rather unprofessional the entire set-up is.  I believe it is unsafe, too, without a local office or staff to oversee what is actually taking place.

Rather disappointed, I was about to give up on the idea of my volunteering, but I pulled myself up by my boot straps enough to apply to a hospice program and ask about the training.  My mother was here for the first training.  Becky was here for the second training.  And so this was my third attempt. Maybe.  There might have been something I missed in July, too, but I am not sure.  The point is, trying to get to the training session has been fraught with reasons why I really couldn't go.

I wanted to just stay in bed this morning.  I mean, I feel wretched and I still have the bulk of my long week to go.  However, I decided that if I could get up, I would.  I could, so I did.  And I completed the first segment.

Next up is a 9-hour webinar that I need to complete.  Then I have a physical.  [Do you think that I will pass the drug test?]  After that is a TB test.  I also have to track down documentation for my flu shot.  I believe, too, my references need to send back their responses about me.  Once all of those boxes are checked, I have another session and individual interview.  Then, hopefully, I can be on the register as a volunteer.

I came home and napped, but not as much as I needed.  I am not sure why I could not sleep more.  Then, I walked on the treadmill, fed Amos and myself, and languished on the sofas a bit trying to work up the energy to shower.  I was nearly out again when Amos went nuts over a thump in the house (at 98-years-old, my house makes noise from time to time).  So, instead of sleeping a second time, I showered and then languished the rest of the evening.

By languish I mean that I am too weary to stream or read and oft just sit thinking ... or trying not to think.  Mostly.

I have been doing puzzles lately on my rather old iPad mini.  I started challenging myself by not looking at the picture of the puzzle after I start.  Then, I stopped organizing the final puzzle pieces by shape and have concentrated on finding what I need by looking at them all mixed up.  So, mostly, I  start with the edges and then look for colors that I can combine until I get enough started to work out the puzzle.

As children, my siblings and I did puzzles with our father when we visited on his weekends.  Doing puzzles was probably the only real true family activity we ever did.  I learned that my sister has carried the tradition on with her boys.  In part, I believe she does because my autistic nephew loves them.  She buys them at the dollar store and then donates them when he is done with them.

After watching him work on a puzzle one day during a video call, I resolved to buy some puzzles.  Only I kept forgetting whenever I drove by a dollar store.  And forgetting.  And forgetting.  Finally, I went looking for an app and found one that I thought was a good option.

I wish I could remember the four of us sitting around the coffee table, working on a puzzle.  I wish I could remember the things that my sister tells me about growing up.  I wish I lived close to her so that I could do puzzles with her and my nephews.

The good news about tomorrow is that my appointment is not until late afternoon.  The bad news about Thursday is that appointment is at 7:45 AM!!  I totally dropped the ball on that one because I was so overwhelmed at the news that my lung function had not improved.  It is out at the hospital complex, so I have to leave at 7:15, which means I need to get up at 6:30.  Come Thursday about noon, I shall be knackered beyond words.

Neurology is the morrow.  I am dreading that appointment and wish I were not.  SIGH.

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