I wonder...

Yesterday, I tried to squeeze a—for me—prodigious amount of activity.  So, today, I have done nothing save for walk on the treadmill.

You see, sadly, my therapist is going on vacation, which means I will not see her for a month.  She freed up an extra day in her schedule so that I could see her yesterday.  The appointment was not my usual time, so I had to forgo my new habit of getting up and torturing myself on the treadmill right way.

I got up, got dressed, went to therapy, came home, and fell asleep.  I am so darned exhausted ALL OF THE BLOODY TIME!

When I awoke, I sat staring at the clock, trying to figure out if I could squeeze in all that I wanted to do before church, because I am trying to fight the PTSD and keep going.

First, I changed into my exercise clothes.
Then, I walked on the treadmill.
Then, I cooled down.
Then, I cooked dinner and fed Amos.
Then, I took a shower.
Then, I changed into church clothes.
Then, I raced over to get my blood work done.
Then, I stopped for gas.
Then, I made it to the church on time!

I really hate missing the forgiveness at the beginning of the liturgy.

All of that constant movement for several hours on end was too much for me.  Normally, I would have had a nap in there, at least something between dinner and church.  However, there was no time!

I stopped for gas because there was a gas alert for Fort Wayne, which is generally in the 30 cents range.  With all of the medical appointments that I have this month, already need gas again.  Or rather I would be needed gas after my next two appointments and I wanted the $2.69 gas.  Have I mentioned that there is a cheap gas station just up the street from the church I am attending?

My blood work was just posted.  The rheumatology blood work is good, but my kidney blood work is the worst it's ever been.  I am not looking forward to seeing the GP tomorrow.  I know it is taking both the Celebrex and the steroids.  I already went down on the Celebrex 11 days ago, but I stopped it yesterday.  I will not know if I can bear that, if the steriods will be enough, until tomorrow or Saturday, since my body hangs on to drugs quite a bit.

I want to stay on the steroids, because I notice a difference in my breathing on them.  And this lung issue stuff has me rather frightened as far as long-term consequences.  Have I mentioned that I HATE Sjögren's Syndrome?

Amos is all better.  I even finally pulled up all the coverings that I had put down on my bedroom floor.  All in all, I am glad that I was forced to finally shampoo the carpet, but I am not happy that I triggered such a terrible stomach upset in my dog.

I suppose, though, I should say that Amos is almost all better.  He still seems to be itching some.  Not a lot.  So, I am waiting to see if it is just residual itching that will continue to get better.  His hotspot is healing really nicely.  That is a huge relief.

Because I couldn't find the E Collar from two years ago, after unsuccessfully trying to behavior modify him from licking that spot, I fashioned one from material around the house.  Amos didn't like the homemade E Collar any more than he did the commercial one.  But two days of wearing it was enough time to get the healing started on the hot spot so that he would leave it alone.

Amos also denuded the bottom side of his tail (stump).  I am contemplating going ahead and cutting off all the rest of his curls (I keep them long so it looks like he has a tail) so that they can all grow out together.  I just really detest stumped tails and wish that I had known the seller was going to do that as a part of his "service."  SIGH.

I am so weary that, again, I have not read or watched anything.  Amos and I just sort of sit and think or not even think because thinking is hard work.

I wonder if this crazy exhaustion is ever going to end.
I wonder if this is how the rest of my life is going to be defined.
I wonder if Amos think's I've turned into a dog with all the napping that I do now.