Happy B-day D!

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This has been a long, long, long day.

Working with my boss is at times like mixing oil and water and other times like licking a bowl of brownie batter. Today was the former.

Then, I come home to Fancy. She has laid 3 eggs and will not venture off of them. At the risk of the loss of bits of my fingers, I have been forcing her off of them in the morning and evening to make her drink and eat some. When Madison was alive, he shared the setting duties. As a single birdy parent (no, the eggs are not viable), the responsibility falls solely on her shoulders and she is at risk of dying from malnourishment. But if I take the eggs away from her before she is ready, she can fall into a deep depression and die. Fancy needs another spouse.

And then there is my dear Uncle D, Cousin D's father. He is ill and seems to be heading out of this life. He as been an utter source of encouragement for me, such a loving, kind, and witty man. My prayers are with his three sons right now, and I am truly grateful that they can all be by his side.

Finally, on a scale of 1-10, the arthritis in my lower back is an excruciating 10.

Last week, I was helping D with her graduate school assignments. While I am both excited and honored to be her academic coach (in addition to being her writing coach), it took nearly everything I had not to bite her head off when she did not instantly understand absolutely everything I was saying. While D is one of the most intelligent people I know (I wonder what a game of Scrabble would be like between D, T, B, and I), making the adjustment from mom back to student is a bit rough at times. What a champion she has been. I just was battling such pain in my back that I could hardly keep a civil tongue in my mouth. How could I waste the opportunity to delve into complexity theory with her????

I am disappointed not just for the increasing amount of time my beloved Celebrex appears to be working less effectively, but for my dwindling capacity to do anything but huddle in misery when the pain I feel is high. I would wish that I could be more tolerant, more patience, more accepting. I am not wallowing in pity, but I am drowning in pain and wish to do nothing else whilst waiting for it to lessen or pass alltogether.

Tonight, I had not the luxury of ignoring the rest of the world. One of the companies who utilizes my contractual services needed a complex job completed this evening. Since said work is now few and far between, I want to be available when it arrives. So, I buckled down and applied my fingertips to the keyboard and learned how to program an on-line survey. I am grateful for the lessoning and skill garnering, but I could cheerfully sever my spine about now and would have preferred curling up in the green chair, reading through all the emails I've gotten from my dear Uncle Danny and savoring the love he's poured upon me.

For the past several years, he has suffered from bone cancer and other ailments. He is much, much better at being stoic about it all, accepting what comes when your body fails with far, far more grace than do I.

Perspective. That is what I need. Where are my eyes tonight? On my boss? On my work? On my pain?

I shall finish this day by meditating on all the blessings I have been given through Uncle D, my Cousin D, D, and B, who listened to my heavy heart today with such loving patience.