In just three days, two really, I shall be in the abode of my dear friend B again, compliments of one day of holiday leave and two of comp leave.

I am of two minds, or even three, about going. I want very much to spend time with her family and am honored that she changed her plans for camping so that the weekend would work out (granted our earlier discussion of coming again did slip her mind when she started making new camping plans). I do not wish to hurt her feelings.

After my last, somewhat disastrous visit, I posted my thoughts that perhaps I shouldn't travel. I wrote them, but did not post for a while because I did not want to hurt her feelings with my own feelings. I finally posted and her magnificent husband G sent me a most welcoming email. At one point, he rather bluntly pointed out that he was a guy and that meant he needed explicit instructions about the thermostat, not hints. Part of me did feel as if I had to beg for cooler air even there. 74 or 76 is cool to most everyone one I know. Those are uncomfortable numbers for me.

Prompted by his kindness, I pursued a visit with B again and voila...I am going. G is the one riding the train (oh, how that man loves trains). And I have to admit that I am looking forward to shooting the breeze with him on the way down. Even more so, I am very much looking forward to bringing him to bible study that night so he can meet Pastor D. [I have volumes to write about that man of God, but each time I try, my description pales in comparison to the light of Christ he is. In the meanwhile, I added his blog to mine.]

However, even the thought of endless game playing between dirty diapers, pizza, and sharing Dr. Who with B, is not enough to quell the troubled waters of my heart. I feel as if it is so very difficult to walk through my days. Why should I inflict that on anyone else?

What trauma or drama or both will occur this time? If I go and visit and once again tumble down the stairs or keel over in public or gasp through an asthma attack...how long...how long will it be before I lose the first place I have ever been able to even consider a place to call home?